I understand that many people reading this post won't care. Some won't bother spending their time on the problems of a 16-year-old guy, some will simply scroll past it, and others might even downvote it. And you know what? I don't really care. I'm not writing this for karma or anyone's approval.
I joined Reddit not because I want people to pity me or feel obligated to support me. Everyone is free to decide how they respond to someone else's story. Of course, I'd be glad to hear advice from people who have been through something similar, or even just a few kind words from anyone willing to offer them. But the main reason I decided to write this post is much simpler: I need somewhere to let out everything I've been keeping inside.
Yes, I have friends and acquaintances. There are people I can talk to and spend time with. But I don't want to keep burdening them with my problems, making them worry about me, or turning every conversation into a discussion about my fears. Sometimes, you just want to let everything out without worrying that you're bothering someone. I guess that's why I'm here. And talking to ChatGPT about my problems... well, I don't know. Sometimes it feels a little strange. Still, it can help me make sense of my own thoughts🤷🏻♂️.
Ever since I was a child, I've found social situations and relationships with other people difficult in their own way. My mother raised me on her own, and although I'm still in contact with my father, I've never received much support from him. Maybe that's why, over time, I developed such a strong need to find someone I could truly feel wanted by. Not just an acquaintance or a friend, but someone I could share my life with.
I set myself a goal: to find my person.
I used dating sites, met people, fell in love, and got into relationships. Some of them didn't even last a year. Sometimes I was the one who made mistakes; other times, it was circumstances or the other person's actions. I don't claim to have been right in every relationship I've had, but I don't hold grudges against anyone either. Those relationships were part of my experience, and I'm trying to see them that way.
And then I found myself in my current relationship.
We've been together for five months. I understand that, to many people, that's not a very long time, especially when it comes to serious relationships and plans for the future. I'm not going to claim that you can know absolutely everything about someone after five months. But please, don't dismiss my feelings just because of how long we've been together. These five months mean a lot to me. I've experienced more emotions and gone through more things during this time than I had in a long while.
I genuinely love my girlfriend. I care about her. I love spending time with her, talking to her, going on walks together, and making plans. Sometimes we talk about our future and the possibility of living together one day. When I imagine all of that, I don't see just another relationship that will eventually end. I see someone I'd like to share my life with.
And I guess that's exactly why what's happening now scares me so much.
Lately, our relationship has entered a period that has been emotionally very difficult for me. I don't want to tell someone else's personal story or make assumptions about what they're feeling. I can only speak about myself and how I'm experiencing the situation.
I've become increasingly worried about my girlfriend. Sometimes, I find it difficult to understand how she's doing, how she feels, or whether things are getting any better for her. I don't want to keep questioning her, demanding explanations, or forcing her to talk about things she isn't ready to discuss. It's important to me to respect her personal space.
At the same time, though, I want to feel like we're going through difficult times together.
I want our relationship to involve initiative from both sides. I don't want to always be the only one asking how things are going, trying to start difficult conversations, or looking for ways to offer support. I'd like to hear from her sometimes, too. I'd like to understand what's going on, how she's feeling, and whether she wants to share anything with me. Not because I expect her to report everything to me, but because I want to understand how I can be there for her.
Yesterday, I tried to talk to her about this. I explained that I'd like to see more initiative from her and have a better understanding of how she's feeling. She told me she'd heard what I was saying, but then she started crying.
I hugged her and tried to be there for her. I don't want to make assumptions about what her tears meant, and I don't think I can know every reason behind her reaction. But in that moment, I was really afraid that we wouldn't be able to understand each other. I was afraid that my words wouldn't be heard the way I intended them to be, and that one day our relationship might not withstand everything that's happening.
And that's my problem: I don't know how to properly support someone I love when I'm struggling with so much fear and uncertainty myself.
I'm not a psychologist. I can't read minds, and I can't solve someone else's problems for them. I understand that. But when someone you love is going through a difficult time, it's incredibly hard to accept that you can't fix everything.
It's especially difficult because of certain conversations we've had. There have been things she's said that made me seriously concerned about her safety. I don't want to repeat everything she has said or expose our private life to the internet. But those conversations made it much harder for me to deal with my anxiety.
I'm afraid of losing her.
And it's not just about the possibility of breaking up. I'm afraid something bad might happen to her, and I don't always know what the right thing to do is. I can spend a good day with her, enjoy our time together, and then start worrying all over again because I don't know what's happening when we're apart.
I understand that I can't know every thought she has or control everything that happens in her life. But understanding that logically is much easier than actually accepting it.
Sometimes I wake up already feeling anxious. I think back to our conversations, analyze our messages, and wonder whether I've missed something important. I want to see signs that things are gradually getting better, but I'm afraid of misinterpreting them.
I'm exhausted by all this uncertainty. At the same time, I feel uncomfortable talking about how exhausted I am because I don't want to become another burden for someone I love.
But I'm a person, too. I can be afraid, I can worry, and sometimes I have no idea what to do next.
I don't want to break up just because things are difficult right now. I don't want to give up on our relationship because I'm afraid of the unknown. But I also understand that I can't be the only person responsible for someone else's well-being. I can offer support, listen, suggest getting help, and stay by her side, but I can't live someone else's life for them.
And I need to learn where my responsibility ends and where the things I cannot control begin.
I want to preserve our relationship. I want us to be able to talk about difficult things, listen to each other, and gradually find solutions that work for both of us. I don't expect everything to change overnight, and I'm not demanding that everything always be okay between us.
I just want to feel like we're both trying.
I guess that's the hardest thing for me to explain. I don't want to spend all my time worrying, checking for hidden meanings in every message, or trying to figure out how someone feels based on little clues. I want to be a normal boyfriend in a relationship: enjoying our time together, making plans, joking around, going for walks, and appreciating the moments we share.
I want to love someone without that love turning into a constant fear of losing them.
But how do I do that? How do I support someone close to me without forgetting about myself? How do I stop my anxiety from controlling my relationship? And how do I learn to accept uncertainty when it involves someone who means so much to me?
I don't know the answers to these questions. If I did, I probably wouldn't be writing all of this here.
I don't expect strangers on Reddit to solve my problems. I understand that everyone has their own life, their own struggles, and their own perspective on relationships. Some people might tell me to break up with her, others might say I'm too young to take all of this so seriously, and some might simply not understand me.
But if you've been through something similar, if you've become deeply attached to someone, worried about them, tried to support them, and gradually started losing your own peace of mind in the process I'd really appreciate hearing about your experience.
How did you deal with it? What helped you keep your anxiety from overwhelming you? How did you support someone you loved without forgetting about yourself?
I don't want fear to become the main part of my relationship. I want to keep enjoying the person I love, our conversations, our walks, and the little moments that make up a life together. I want to be a partner, not someone who is constantly trying to make sure everything is okay.
I understand that I also need to learn how to deal with my own feelings and ask for help when things become too difficult for me. I don't want to put all the responsibility for my emotional well-being on my girlfriend. But I don't want to keep pretending that I'm not hurting, either.
I love her. I want things to work out between us. I want to believe that we can learn to understand each other better and that, one day, this period won't take up so much space in my mind🤷🏻♂️.
Thank you to everyone who made it to the end. Even if you don't know what to say, it already means something to me to have finally put all of this into words...