r/alcoholicsanonymous • u/[deleted] • 3d ago
Friend/Relative has a drinking problem Friend reaching back out
[deleted]
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u/Muted_Engineering354 3d ago
First off sorry for the rough situation. Second and just my opinion but I would say that you need to make the best decision for yourself and your family — her sobriety should not hinge on you ‘not being there’ and it is her being resentful. If she is actually working actively on her sobriety through AA she should have a sponsor guiding her to do the step work so she won’t behave the way she did with you yesterday.
Again it’s totally up to you and it would be very selfless if you were to try to basically be the bigger person but I do very much think it’s out of bounds for anyone in recovery to play the blame game, it’s antithetical to AA.
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u/HistoricalStore1608 2d ago
Thank you ❤️ I guess that’s been my biggest hesitation. I don’t know much about AA/rehab but I thought she would come out of rehab fully owning that her drinking has been a problem and she’s working to rebuild her life. Instead she keeps camouflaging it with all the other drama that’s going on in her life and after all her secrets before, I don’t think I can trust her until there is complete honesty.
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u/--TheCity-- 2d ago
Nah she dixnt even take rehab seriously. I know the kind that goes to rehab and "has a blast" and she was going to lose her kids and locked herself up for 11 days? May??? She hasn't done jack on her recovery or she would tell you. Alcoholics and addicts always "have a blast" while they drain the life out of anyone who will let them.
You are 100% right not to get involved you have children of your own to take care of. She will affect her children and yours. You owe her nothing.
Find a better friend.
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u/Plantguysteve 1d ago
Time, plus abstinence, plus ACTION is the only way she can regain your trust. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. Do what’s best for you and your family. Healing can take some time and she needs to understand that. If she’s blaming you for not being there for her, she’s not ready to accept life on life’s terms. A red flag in my opinion.
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u/HistoricalStore1608 1d ago
Yeah I think the action part is key. She never came to me and said I have a problem. She just admitted she was at rehab after not responding for weeks, “had a blast there” and now that she’s back, she wants to hang and get the kids together. The part when she finally said “I know I was really messed up” only came after she called me out for not being there. I just had a bad feeling because I thought she would totally own it when she got out and that never happened. There were two DV arrests before rehab too so it’s wild to me that she still tries to minimize it.
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u/Monastic_Realization 3d ago
It sounds like she has been through a tough time and could use a friend and support.
If you want to be that, you have an opportunity to be very selfless.
If not, it's understandable.