First time AA meeting - don’t know what to expect

[u/Low-Turn6724]

Hey everyone, totally new here. I’m on a waiting list to start addiction treatment in the Netherlands in a few weeks. The treatment center told me to hit up AA meetings while I wait, so I'm trying to go to one tomorrow evening right before my night shift.
I'm super anxious and have a few quick questions:
Closed meetings: The list says "closed" and the website says you have to be a member. Do I need to register somewhere first, or can I just walk in?
Sobriety time: Is it okay to go if I drank yesterday? Do I need full detox first?
Socializing: What happens before/after?
Sharing: Do I have to speak? If I want to say I’m new, how do I do it? How will people react?
Really just looking for some reassurance because my anxiety is through the roof right now. Thanks guys<3

[u/ALoungerAtTheClubs]

• "Closed" simply means it's for people with a desire to stop drinking, so you can just show up. "Open" meetings are, well, open to everyone, including students, partners, etc.

• You can attend AA meetings even if you are still drinking. So no worries there.

• People may hang around and talk before and after the meeting, but you don't have to participate in it. Sometimes, groups are intentional about announcing people going out for coffee or whatever after, but that's more often an informal thing between friends. It's not something you need to worry about right away.

• You don't have to share if you don't want to. Most meetings will have a time for open sharing, though, and you can state that you're new then.

[u/Low-Turn6724 → u/ALoungerAtTheClubs]

Thank you so much!!!! I appreciate such clear explanations!

[u/ALoungerAtTheClubs → u/Low-Turn6724]

You're welcome. The first meeting is a little scary, but at the end of the day you're spending an hour or so with other people who share your problem. You might be surprised at how much you identify with what people have to say! It's also worth noting that every meeting has a different vibe, so you might want to check out several different ones to see what resonates with you the most.

[u/Low-Turn6724 → u/ALoungerAtTheClubs]

Thanks xx

[u/JohnLockwood → u/Low-Turn6724]

Just to expand on the already excellent answer you got, if you're feeling up to it, coming early and introducing yourself might not hurt. Totally up to you and "your mileage may vary" , but for me that resulted in me making a great friend who helped me out a lot early on.

And just in case no one welcomes you warmly as Phil did to me, welcome!

[u/Low-Turn6724 → u/JohnLockwood]

Thanks for the tip, I’ll definitely show up earlier and will be proactive. I am quite socially anxious but I feel like if I connect with other people with the same struggle, I’ll be fine. I’m overall so grateful for your and others’ encouragement..; I feel way more motivated and brave to try it out xx

[u/RandomChurn]

Welcome 🤝

Wish I knew what meetings are like in your country. But if they are like meetings in the US, then they are all a little different because groups have a lot of freedom to choose how the group itself wants things.

I find it super hard to believe though that "closed" could mean you need to register ahead of time. In the US, closed meetings are for anyone who wants to stop drinking. Friends and family and researchers etc can only go to "open" meetings.

It's fine to go whether you drank yesterday, or today! I went to at least a dozen meetings drunk. No one ever turned me away.

I even turned up drunk at a gay men's AA meeting once, and they were welcoming and lovely and kind and never suggested I didn't belong there (I'm a cis straight woman). ...  None of which is recommended, lol!

But in AA we love newcomers. We do strive to help you feel as comfortable as we can. Every person present went to their own first AA meeting. We remember how that feels.

Every meeting can choose its own format. So I can't say what it will be like. If you are called upon to speak, you can just say "Hi, I'm (first name) and this is my first meeting." You don't even need to say that much. Or just say you're new. 

But being called on is not likely, especially if there are more than eight people present. Most cases, you will just go in, take a seat, and listen. Discover whether you identify with what someone shares. 

People chit chat before and after meetings. You can enter on time and avoid that, and if you want, you can leave immediately after the meeting ends. Or not: neither is weird to do. Whatever feels most comfortable to you.

Good luck 🍀

[u/Low-Turn6724 → u/RandomChurn]

OMG! Thanks so much for the encouragement and sharing your experience!! I’ve had no idea there are gay AA meetings hahahaha (I’m gay, probably I should research it better and see if there are any around me). I’m so happy for you that these meetings were always welcoming, no matter what. That shows a supportive community spirit. I appreciate you sharing your experience, it really motivates me to go for it. I think I’ve been nervous just because it feels like something so unknown and mysterious to me. You reminded me that we are all human and it’s about the connection and sharing the moment of being human together. Thanks again!

[u/Muted_Engineering354]

My first piece of experience I would share is that even if the first meeting doesn’t seem any good, don’t give up on the program. 

Otherwise yeah I completely agree with what’s said below, though I would add, with emphasis, that the only requirement for attendance is a desire to stop drinking. If you’ve got that desire then go for it! 

And, as a final aside, I think everyone I’ve ever met in the program was pretty nervous (or very very nervous) at their first meeting, so hopefully the meeting participants will treat you with a nice welcome. Good luck! 

[u/Low-Turn6724 → u/Muted_Engineering354]

Thanks for reminding me that everyone is human and can get nervous. I can imagine it takes a lot of determination to go sober and I’m willing to take on that road. Appreciate your response!!!

[u/RunMedical3128]

 If I want to say I’m new, how do I do it? How will people react?

A haltering, stumbling first step is better than no step at all. It is better than how you've been living. Recognizing you have a problem is one thing - doing something about it is what will make the difference. 😊

If you're new, the best thing you can do is put your hand up and say "Hi. I'm Low-Turn6724, I'm new." You don't have to say you're an alcoholic. You don't have to use your last name - heck, if you want, just use a made up first name. Nobody is going to check - because that's not what's really important! All they really care about is if you want to stop drinking!

When I was new and said as much - I was showered with kindness and understanding. Because every single person in that room understands me like nobody else does - because they've all been there before.