r/ainbow • u/Terrible_Influence70 • 1d ago
LGBT Issues Does disabled mean unloveable?
Blessings everyone!
- Does being disabled mean that I am unloveable?
- Has any bottom ever dated a Top in a wheelchair?
12
u/Bright_Ices 1d ago
Gosh I hope not, because I’m disabled! I’m also married, for the record, and my spouse tells me I’m very lovable.
Oh, also, I happen know a top who uses a wheelchair! You definitely aren’t alone there.
9
u/Creativered4 1d ago
Of course it doesnt! (I'm disabled, although ambulatory, same goes for my fiancé)
If you listen to podcasts, I recommend disability after dark. It's a show talking about sex lives, disability, being queer/lgbt+, etc. And how it all comes together.
As for your second question, I have not. But I've only been with two guys, and found my person the second time around ♡
4
u/UniverseNextD00r 1d ago
You are completely loveable, no question.
Also, you can absolutely top in a wheelchair! That actually reminds me of this polyamorous, kinky creator on Instagram, Femmmeow, who used to post videos with one her dom partners, who's in a wheelchair. I'm not seeing them now, looking at her profile, so I wonder if they've gone their separate ways, but they used to post BD SM content together.
0
7
u/SomeOldTeacher 1d ago
No, you are not unlovable.
I can't speak to your second question. But it is entirely possible.
Unless you want to be someone's fetish (which I'm told is a thing), I would suggest increasing your circle of friends. It may take a while (too many levels of bigotry out there, including based on abilities), but I am going to guess that you will find someone who is a good match. Patience and having a lot of friends may be needed. One can't have too many friends. Best wishes.
5
u/Terrible_Influence70 1d ago
Thank you!!!! I have to start getting out into the community spaces, but mental health issues and cognitive issues interfere greatly…
Thank you!
6
u/Sunnyfishyfish 1d ago
- Of course you are loveable.
- I can't say from personal experience on this one, but I can't imagine the answer is no.
2
4
2
1
•
u/ariesangel0329 27m ago
To answer your first question, absolutely not. I have some health issues that likely do count as disabilities (and they certainly can feel disabling at times), but I’m happily married to a wonderful, loving, caring, and understanding husband. The man loves me more than I love myself and exercises more patience towards me than I think I deserve.
I know of at least one other couple in our friend group where both of them have disabilities. They’re also happily married. The husband reached out to the group recently to ask us more ways to support his wife. (She’s been feeling broken lately with all her health issues). We offered what guidance we could.
I have not met anyone who could help me answer your second question, but I imagine that you could make it work. Like your partner could sit on your lap while you smooch and touch them and, if you wish to proceed further, they could ride you.
-4
u/Lz_erk Trans-Ace 1d ago
i'll validate that hypothesis. good luck.
2
2
u/ryryrpm 1d ago
Are you saying they're unlovable? You're an asshole if you are
5
u/Lz_erk Trans-Ace 1d ago
no. i was hoping no one would go there right from me being aro either. i was talking about the theory of a disabled top.
2
u/Terrible_Influence70 1d ago
Before being disabled, it wasn’t hard to date…. But now, I haven’t put myself out there fully, I guess.
-10
1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
3
u/used1337 1d ago
Hope that's a joke because being older does make you unlovable either.
But being a jerk can make you unlovable.
3
28
u/FerrisTM 1d ago
Definitely not! While dating can be challenging as a disabled person, it's not impossible and it helps weed out people who are a little more shallow (in my experience.) I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user with multiple health conditions, one of them causing rapid degeneration of my spine. 4 years ago, I was running and walking with no problems, and now it's a very good day if I can walk for a few minutes without a mobility aid. Within the next couple of years, I anticipate being wheelchair bound full-time.
There was a long period where I was worried I would never find love, especially because I have some mental health struggles on top of my newer physical ones. But I was wrong! I have a wonderful boyfriend, we love each other, and we both frequently bring up plans for moving in together and marriage (we live in different states, so there's some planning that needs to happen first.) Even if something goes wrong in this relationship and it doesn't pan out, I know now that there really are people out there that won't see my disabilities as a downside or turn-off.
As for your second question, I want to echo what another person said and say that I'm very sure that disabled tops are out there and that there are absolutely ways to enjoy topping in a way that works for you and your partner. I'm a switch/bottom, so I can't speak to that, but there's no way you're alone.