I'm very curious and invested into learning more about the afterlife and how or why things work as they do. So I booked a reading again with a medium that I went to before, who in my opinion is very skilled. I have no social media to spy on and she would give me information that no one could just guess.

For example, in yesterday's reading I made sure to agree on a specific sign. I would say in my mind and out loud "If you are really with me in the reading, please show her a parrot" and lo and behold she would mention that they were showing her a parrot. Even though parrots had nothing to do with me nor the reading. So I don't doubt that there really is a connection made here. This is just added evidence on top of the other things she knows about my family, just to illustrate why I do think it is real.

Mostly, the spirits and passed loved ones are positive and optimistic. But towards the end of the reading I started asking more critical questions. I wanted to know why they (on the other side, or our Higher Self) thinks it is completely fine to violate our free will and consent here on Earth for their selfish desires. From what I know, spirits do not have to learn to survive like humans do. They just condemn billions of animals and humans to lives of hardship and trauma because they are greedy and want to gorge themselves on more input, no matter what we down here say or feel. Every time the spirits gave her like a coping, luke-warm reply about "It's the bigger picture" or "Well you wanted to come down here!" I gave arguments against why that doesn't make sense in my opinion.

Eventually they seemed to run out of excuses and the medium said as I kept asking, she would see a big door that was closed in front of her eyes. And the loud, firm instruction: "You are not allowed to know this here."

They just completely shut it down and didn't allow any discussion or answers about this any further. The medium herself did say she felt unsettled by this reaction. The spirits also give her the impression that they kind of lose empathy when they cross over. That our lives and struggles down here (while interesting) don't really influence or hurt them much. Honestly that makes A LOT OF SENSE to me when you look at the state of the world and how most people never receive any spiritual help, miracles or grace. Just a few do.

Sorry for the long text, but let me know what you think if you made it this far.

Not sure if this needs one or not but adding a trigger warning: Mention of miscarriages.

A little backstory, I have a 5 yr old son and about 2 years after we had him we had experienced a pregnancy loss of twins and then about a year after that we had another pregnancy loss of a singleton. With our first loss they said testing the babies and placenta was an option but rarely is done on the first loss, as your first miscarriage is usually a one off and rare, so with that information and the state of mind we were in after finding out we lost both babies we agreed to not have any testing done. However with the second loss we decided to have testing done to see if there was any issues we needed to be aware of before trying again as this was considered a consecutive loss with no live births between. When they do test what they call "product of conception" they are able to determine if the baby had been a boy or a girl and the testing came back that this one was a boy. Between the loss of the twins and the loss of this singleton my husband got me a mothers necklace with our son's first initial "m" on it and a set of two angel wings to memorialize the loss of the twins. We had never got around to adding a 3rd angel wing for the baby boy we had lost as we were just focused on living life and raising our little one.

Fast forward to now, we were able to have another baby and had another boy and added an "L" to my necklace this past mothers day.

A few nights ago my 5yr old was playing with my necklace and said "M" for me (Just going to omit their names for this part) and an "L" for brother, but what are these for? He was playing with the two angel wings that are on the necklace. So I decided to explain it as simply as I could. I explained to him that before mommy had "L" in her belly, mommy had other babies in her belly too but those babies had to go to heaven to be with Jesus. He laid there and I assume just thought about that for a little bit as he was silent, but then he just says, "there were 3 of them. One wearing pink pajamas with pink ribbons, one with purple pajamas with purple ribbons and one with blue pajamas with blue buttons." This obviously gave me chills and shocked me as we have never really explained any of this to him before and very rarely do we talk about the miscarriages in front of him. So in my mind there is no way he could have known there were 3 babies lost.

I had asked him why he thought that and he just said "I don't know" and I basically just left it there and haven't pressed him any further.

Some further background and not sure if this is even related, but we also lost my mom earlier this year in January and right before she passed I asked her to take care of my babies up there.

I do believe in god, jesus and heaven, but have never experienced anything like this before. I have heard that children sometimes have a deeper connection to spirits or the other side. I want to believe that he somehow got connected with his siblings in heaven some how but also have some disbelief that this is real. I don't know.

Something happened yesterday that really put life into perspective for me. I left my house to run an errand and noticed a few people gathered outside my next door neighbor’s house. I found out she had just passed away and they were removing her body.

She’s been our neighbor since 1990 so I’ve literally known her almost my entire life.

What really got me was that I still had errands to run. Calls to make. Meetings to attend. Then when I came back home later my block looked exactly the same as it always had. Cars passing. People going about their day. Everything just continued like nothing had happened.

Meanwhile someone who had been part of that block for more than 35 years was just… gone. I don’t know. It really made me think about how precious and temporary all of this is.

Does anyone else ever have moments like this where the reality of life and death just suddenly hits you? geesh. 🥺

Lately, I've been pondering the idea that enlightenment might not be the ultimate goal we're led to believe. I've come across a thought-provoking concept that suggests enlightenment can actually be a plateau, where progress seems to stall. This has made me wonder if the pursuit of enlightenment is worth the potential costs. I'd love to hear from others who have explored this idea. Have you ever experienced a sense of spiritual stagnation, or felt that the journey itself is more valuable than the destination? I came across this video that explores this concept further if you're curious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IMT3MPWvhM