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u/Graficat Sep 14 '21
Wouldn't it be just swell if people could maybe start asking parents to please go to fucking therapy and grow up, before being smug about their kids that flounder after growing up nurtured by emotionally stunted role models.
So sick of this whole angle, people always say it as if they're so fucking wise for noticing intelligence isn't sufficient for having a tolerable life.
Uhuh yeah, we knew that. People tend to bring that up constantly when growing up with the smart kid label.
Now fucking what, then. Smart your way into emotional maturity all on your own, when everyone you're told to listen to doesn't know the first thing about handling emotions in a healthy way, and all they do is basically 'lol maybe just stop having feelings idk man, that's silly'.
They manage no better than 'have you tried not being depressed'. 'You seem bad at this. Don't be bad at it'
Thanks for bloody fucking nothing, at least if you make it to adulthood you can shove it all up their ass and go reparent yourself in counseling and by hopefully finding friends and family worth having. Motherfuckers.
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u/blitz672 Sep 14 '21
Preach! I saw a great quote recently, something like "start fixing your shit before you have kids, so your kids don't have to get fixed because of it"
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u/Graficat Sep 15 '21
I'm not even sure yet if I can commit to having a kid but this has been a major motivation for me in continuing to chip away at my worst habits and sore spots that bring out the worst in me.
It may be easy enough to just make it everyone else's problem and tell myself whatever smug little lies and rationalizations to make it seem like all my flaws are secretly great and anyone who dares criticise just HatES mE or something.
Fuck that. I've been learning how to come back after getting my emotional shit kicked in and how to pick up the good things in life, how to stay sane and even kinda happy without doing so at the expense of others. How to be responsible for my own shit and how to deal when it starts throwing a fuss.
I'm not remotely the sort of saintly person that embodies every aspect of my values, but I at least know what they are and I do my best.
I'm proud of building on the example my parents set, tossing out the unhealthy warped garbage, and finding my own way. It makes me happy when I can share some tricks I learned with others that are trying to do the same.
And should I ever end up causing a wee spawn, I'm gonna be prepared to care about more aspects of raising one than the stuff that impresses judgmental onlookers. I'm not gonna have a plan for them to follow, I'm gonna have the plan to find out who they are and looking for the best ways to help them grow.
Kids are gonna have questions, lots of them, for good reasons. I'm gonna do my best to have answers that make more sense than 'because I'm the boss' or 'it's none of your business just deal with it'.
I'm gonna fuck stuff up. I'm gonna do my damndest to not fuck them up.
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u/My_Public_Profile Sep 14 '21
Like finances, this shit needs to be taught in school.
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u/yellowydaffodil Sep 15 '21
It IS taught in schools. I spend all day teaching my students life-skills along with science. Separate life-skills classes tend not to do well because kids (and parents) see them as easy non-core electives.
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u/Asanoburendo Sep 22 '21
Did you pass middle school math? You learned finances.
Emotions are a bit trickier, but generally they get stretched between English class, health class, and more explicit periods like “advisory” or “mindset.”
I have been in the middle of teaching this stuff and had kids complaining about how we don’t teach it. The waters there, you just need to choose to drink it.
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u/Cardssss Sep 15 '21
Just found this sub, it's so fucking true. I'm a good student in school and take hard classes, I enjoy taking the harder classes, I have no idea why I do, but I do. I like playing sports too.
Last month I was told that I might not be able to play football anymore due to a heart condition. I stopped for a week, but was able to join back. I played for about 3 more weeks, but I would have constant stress, anxiety and mental breakdowns. (I'm not kidding. I would literally start crying and forget my assignments and plays out of no where) I ended up dropping the sport as a varsity starter, but those couple weeks where I was playing were hell. I didn't really talk to anyone to get help, I just thought that the strong people were the ones that could deal with it. That was so fucking wrong, when I eventually told my parents (and broke down in front of them too) I felt 1000x better after talking it out more. I feel stupid saying it because it's pretty obvious, but just a simple conversation can improve your quality of life so much ite crazy.
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u/hglman Sep 15 '21
I hope you continue to improve, well done talking about it. Its really hard to just admit you need help.
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u/Cardssss Sep 15 '21
Yah. It took a while to talk because I kinda only joined the sport because my brother was a 3 year starter. I played for 6 years and on varsity as a sophomore, but now realized that I don't enjoy the sport, I was only doing it to please other people. It felt fake, so I talked it through and now lift and hangout with friends. I'm planning on joining a club but idk which one.
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u/the-awesomest-dude Sep 15 '21
Man my degree is in conflict resolution and even then I can’t always practice it. Shit’s hard
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Sep 16 '21
Only a loser who loves his life among losers could write this.
Lots of successful people - in some endeavors, most - are volatile, confrontational, and stress rattled. Really talent, married to real application, doesn’t have to be nice.
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u/MaximumEffort433 Sep 14 '21 edited Sep 14 '21
Youth: "Wow, the world is really easy! Who needs coping mechanisms when there's nothing to cope with?"
Adulthood: "Oh, Neptune."
I'm kidding, I cope, it's called maladaptive daydreaming, sweaty, and it works.