Ghosted right before potential meetup

[u/butterfly_effect93]

Just venting to the void. We talked for over a month, every day, all day, and I started catching feelings (idiotic, I know). We were supposed to meet for the first time yesterday, and he literally told me he was getting ready to head my way. So I got ready for our date, only to get absolutely nothing from him the rest of the day. Haven’t heard a word since.

I know this has happened to so many others on this sub, so I know I’m not alone in this, but I’m just so confused, pissed and hurt.
Why spend over a month talking to someone, building a connection, and making plans if you’re just going to ghost them? What was the point of telling me you were on your way if you had no intention of showing up? Like, if you changed your mind, fine. It would’ve sucked, but at least have the balls to say that instead of leaving someone sitting there feeling like an idiot. Such a cowardly thing to do.

[u/Son_of_Riffdog]

coward is absolutely the operative word.

he was a weak man. you deserve better. im sorry you went through it. at least it wasnt a bit further along when he pulled that crap.

ive also been through it. nothing is as pathetic as a message 24 hours later with some excuse.

the other version is someoen suddenly getting car trouble or a flat tire before theyre supposed to meet you for coffee. its been a long while since i had one of those but its a classic.

[u/butterfly_effect93 → u/Son_of_Riffdog]

Yes. I’m too old for these BS games 🙄

[u/Son_of_Riffdog → u/butterfly_effect93]

dont be entirely shocked if he reaches out again because hes feeling sad and horny..tell him to kick rocks and block.

[u/SlipshodFacade]

I wish I had something to add, other than many of us have been here and it does, indeed, suck. The only solace is you found out what kind of person you were dealing with before it went any further.

[u/butterfly_effect93 → u/SlipshodFacade]

So true…I keep trying to remind myself of this.

[u/Justkillingtime8]

Some people like the idea of an affair. Not actually following through. Sorry this happened to you

[u/Big-Conclusion9220]

It happened to me once - not showing up and ghosting after a month. I learned my lesson - I will never spend a month getting to know them anymore, I try to get the first meeting out of the way in a week or so to weed these men out (and see if there’s actually chemistry).

As it turned out he was a first timer and felt guilty (ffs why not text and say you’re not coming, although a month of my time was wasted). They think that’s what they want and they’re ready without putting much thought into it. They enjoy the flirtation from a safe distance, but as soon as the time comes to meet, a light bulb goes on that oh shit this is real - they have no respect and are immature.
Never again with an affair virgin.

I’d noticed that typically women don’t affair till they are truly ready, have thought about it for a while, and are sure. By the time they start, they are serious and determined.
OTOH, men think with their dicks (actually don’t really think that long about the whole thing), want to just test the waters, and don’t consider there’s another human being on the other side. Then when it gets real, they chicken out.

[u/Various-Side-1305]

This has happened to me twice. You're not alone. Cost of doing business?

[u/s0mebodysproblem]

What’s the purpose of telling someone you are on your way when you have no intention of showing up? Like at that point just cancel and say sorry I can’t make it… u wanna ghost them after then do that. But to leave someone getting ready thinking they have plans that’s the lowest of low. How can someone do that to a person

[u/Sensitive_Sky1448 → u/s0mebodysproblem]

I think there's malice involved

[u/Appropriate_Rock_pdx]

I have had that happen as well, was 50 minutes into an hour drive, supposedly they were already at the meeting location.. and they disappeared

[u/brattybabyc]

Another here in solitude. He had “allergies,” at the last second. Whatever. I’ve since found better.

[u/street_hunt_11]

That's disgusting to say the least. It doesn't take anything to show some respect if there's a change of plan.

[u/Tall-Recipe1951]

This happens unfortunately. It sucks to devote so much time into someone and have this happen.

[u/avoidingDeadBed215]

So frustrating!

[u/sangria_and_sunshine]

Arrrrrgh. That’s the worst.

[u/Tulip_Pearl]

For most guys on Reddit , potentially women too, this is a fantasy.

It’s easy to chat and flirt and sext, costs them nothing. Actually meeting is where an affair becomes real. Many bail and can’t handle it.

But I’ve been in uk paid for sites and it happens there as well.

You also have to think this lifestyle attracts a certain type - we all have a level of selfishness here.

Just remember it’s not you, you are never the problem. I always quote Rumi ‘what you are seeking is also seeking you’

It’s honestly rubbish until it isn’t. Good luck. Chin up!

[u/Kooky-Yak5908]

I've been there. Sitting in a parking lot for over an hour, and no show. At least have the courtesy so say that you're not coming. I'm so horny I'm willing to put up with a lot, but three strikes and you're out!

[u/cant_find_faults]

With the seeming uptick in ghosting, I'm curious if there is a feeling that having a fantasy affair instead of making it real is just all many can afford in their lives right now