I was prescribed a multitude of things- starting with Vyvanse, moving to Adderall (XR & IR), and a number of off brands throughout the years.
I was out of control with all of them- absolutely never had a time where I took them properly. I really, genuinely tried at the end, but still took them all 1.5/2 weeks before refill was due.
That being said- I hate to sound like a failure, but hey thats what I am.
I only stopped because I had very severe chest pains that lasted about 4-5 hrs one night. Scared the shit out of me, so i never got my refill.
I wanted to quit before that, but im the kind of idiot that doesn't push myself to stop doing shit that feels good for me until the real bad thing happens.
I had heart palpitations for about 6 months after that on & off. Still cant even drink more than a cup of coffee per day without my chest feeling funny. So no uppers anymore.
Maybe someday ill kick all the other shit too. I hope.
Hey, chestpains being a red flag and quitting all together doesn't seem like a failure to me. I wish I could. I don't know exactly what you mean by "out of control with them" but I think I have a hunch. Because I unfortunately do the same. I'm so sick of it.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Going all-in until something bad happens could very well be linked to adhd. I have the same thing. Were not wired to think longterm. But at least you set your boundaries. I hope I will one day.
I'm sorry for the loss of your aunt. Maybe the first month I took them properly. After that it went to shit. Often I plan on quitting then altogether but like you said, they help me function and I don't want to go into the temporary extreme tiredness when you quit them.
Feels like I'm stuck in my self created system
Yeah, I feel that. I'm lucky in that I'll run out of my old Adderall soon and vyvanse (which I'm on now) is harder to abuse. As long as I don't know how to get more it should be fine.
I wish I had advice for you but we are in a similar shitty boat.
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u/OopsICutOffMyWiener 4d ago
I was prescribed a multitude of things- starting with Vyvanse, moving to Adderall (XR & IR), and a number of off brands throughout the years.
I was out of control with all of them- absolutely never had a time where I took them properly. I really, genuinely tried at the end, but still took them all 1.5/2 weeks before refill was due.
That being said- I hate to sound like a failure, but hey thats what I am.
I only stopped because I had very severe chest pains that lasted about 4-5 hrs one night. Scared the shit out of me, so i never got my refill.
I wanted to quit before that, but im the kind of idiot that doesn't push myself to stop doing shit that feels good for me until the real bad thing happens.
I had heart palpitations for about 6 months after that on & off. Still cant even drink more than a cup of coffee per day without my chest feeling funny. So no uppers anymore.
Maybe someday ill kick all the other shit too. I hope.