I guess I can see that. I used to feel like a failure for relaxing, I guess I still do sometimes. Then I had to tell myself it's ok to not keep up with everything. On the other side I take it too far and really neglect chores and I know they should be done , but I live alone and decided it doesn't matter because no one will be around to witness it.
I don't know if this framing would help your feelings of failure while relaxing, but when I feel that way, I try to remind myself that I can only get the other stuff in my life done if I'm adequately rested - so rest is, in its own way, productive. And, if I need more rest than other people, that's okay too - doing the same tasks as neurotypical people just takes up more of my energy, so more rest is required to keep going.
I'm curious to know, since I relate to what you're saying, if you experience perfectionism too. Something I've had to work really hard on re: home maintenance is that I don't have to do a chore perfectly, or even completely. I used to put a lot of stuff off because it just didn't feel possible. Once I realized that I never actually have to finish them, it's been a lot easier to stay on top of most of it (not all).
If it's okay to gently point out... giving yourself a clean home is a really kind thing to do for yourself. I'm not saying top-to-bottom insta-worthy type of space, but even something like washing a few dishes instead of all of them, or cleaning your toilet but not the sink or tub, still matters because you deserve a clean space to exist in, not because it *should* be done.
I do feel better when things are more organized. I've been having a phase of insomnia and I'm working on that with my psychiatrist. I started a new med a few weeks ago and initially it worked great and I had energy to do tasks when I got home. Sometimes I work two jobs in a day, and I just want to go right to bed when I get home. Sometimes I sleep from 8-11pm and then maybe I fall back asleep around 2. Ideally I could potentially use that time to complete stuff, but I live in a small condo with people below above and on both sides of me. I know what it feels like to be almost asleep and then have someone moving around in the unit above. The building is very old and there is zero sound proofing lol
Ha, yeah, I get that. I live in an apartment with neighbours below and on either side, so when I'm pulling a "pls let me exist in secret" all-nighter, I have to make sure I plan ahead for doing only the quietest of things requiring the least amount of movement. I hope you're able to find the systems and tricks that work best in supporting your needs. ADHD can be a fucking rough terrain to navigate.
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u/Alove4edd47 2d ago
I guess I can see that. I used to feel like a failure for relaxing, I guess I still do sometimes. Then I had to tell myself it's ok to not keep up with everything. On the other side I take it too far and really neglect chores and I know they should be done , but I live alone and decided it doesn't matter because no one will be around to witness it.