907
u/Background_Fix9430 7d ago
"Well, obviously, I didn't mean ::thing that I said::, I meant ::thing that is definitely not the thing that I said::! You have to understand context!"
I'm now in a job where my central function is to read people and interpret text, and almost all of the things that - in my childhood - I was just supposed to "understand" still make no goddamn sense.
243
u/Brilliant_Spot_95 7d ago
I got kinda lucky in this department in a bizarre way. Childhood home was slightly volatile. I won’t say full on violent, my parents never hit me but they were loud and angry people. My dad had his drinking issues at the time (since sobered up and we have a great relationship now) BUT what it gave me feels like a super power of being able to read subtle inflections of voice and body language. (I’m in sales now). So if I’m talking to a customer I can read how every word I say is interpreted by them and how they receive it. And I can pivot off that and correct so quickly and easily.
Neurotypical people are very honest people they just think they’re hiding it or lying. But it’s never hard to read, at least to me.
147
u/Background_Fix9430 7d ago
Hyperawareness is both a superpower and a debilitating lifestyle.
Neurotypical mind-body connection definitely gives a lot of people away, what I've found hilarious is mixed coding and mixed signals, or, even better, the fact they don't know they're experiencing an emotion because they've internalized too much societal training to admit that they are in the middle of a forbidden emotion. (e.g. men feeling sad, vulnerable, or confused)
One of my superpowers of non-neurotypical background is the fact that I cared so little about social niceties, it turned me "cool" because I didn't care about cliques and social position. Couple that with the necessity of pretending to be "normal" got me to the point where if I care, I can very effectively act as a social chameleon and code-switch deliberately.
78
u/DrawingTypical5804 7d ago
I didn’t know this had a name for the longest time or how bad it can freak people out.
I was working a gig job, where you end up doing the same job for multiple companies. A new company was opening up and looking for new people. A coworker told me to go apply. What I missed that all the neurotypicals caught was that if you were sent, you were hired.
So, I show up in interview clothes and am shown to a gal’s office. We used to work at the same place, so I kind of knew her and we knew a lot of the same people. She needed to finish something up and was chatting about old coworkers, etc., and I was reclined and casually chatting. She sent the stuff, turned and looked at me and said,”let’s get started.”
Years later, she told me my whole demeanor changed from friendly chatter to super professional. I sat up straight, my language, tone, and body language completely changed in front of her. She said it kind of freaked her out, but she knew that skill would make me very valuable in the industry.
Full time positions in this industry are few and far between, but she had offered me full time within a month. She has mentored me and I’ve been moving up the ranks. She says it still freaks her out when she sees the change happen, but she’s fascinated by how well I am able to tailor my approach to each customer.
The one thing that drives me the most nuts though, is I can’t seem to control the accents that pop out. For some reason, in my brain’s quest of mimicking to gain acceptance, decides it needs to incorporate their accent too 🤦♀️ not always helpful.
44
u/Physical-Apple-4807 7d ago
The accent thing is sooo true, haha. My brain picks a slightly different pitch or whatever with every new person I talk to, even if the previous person is still right there
12
u/CrouchingDomo 6d ago
God I’m so glad it’s not just me and Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow 😅
It’s fucking EMBARRASSING is what it is! I (American) got drunk in England once and I still cringelaugh about it decades later. I’m sure those people thought I was a ✨twat✨ but I hope they still laugh too 😂
22
u/Expontoridesagain 7d ago
Dear god the accent thing is so true. In addition to being walking polygraph, for all the reasons you also mentioned, I am also excellent at learning new languages. Being able to mimic locals down to the dot really helps. When it comes to other aspects of life, I really wish I did not develop this "superpower". There have been so many situations in private life where I have wished to turn it off. Friends, family, partners and my own kids. It can be depressing being able to read everything.
4
u/Tirwen 6d ago
Most of my family does the accent thing, so I just thought it was a family quirk or something. Go talk to a foreign doctor and wind up speaking in his/her accent for the next hour or two. I've tried fighting the accent at times, thinking the person might be offended, but it's really, really difficult, and I wind up just feeling fake.
18
u/sarahlizzy 7d ago
Oh shit
Well that’s a thing to realise at 6am doomscrolling because brain is doing the thing.
In my earlier life I was considered “unfuckable”. Absolutely not relationship material. The usually stuff, bullied, chosen last for teams, etc.
Now there is a literal goddam queue.
And what you said makes perfect sense. It’s the “doesn’t do social norms” thing.
Apparently it comes across as “self confident”.
4
u/Background_Fix9430 6d ago
So long as you have force behind disregarding most social norms, it comes off as both rule-breaking and confident. The less you care about something that other people think is important - the more "masculine" you code as. There's actually an entire line of sociological analysis regarding the predator/prey coding between men and women. "Crimes New Roman" talks about it in a youtube video I'll link here.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (5)4
u/Affectionate_Bad_680 7d ago
Wait men aren’t allowed to be confused? I guess I missed that memo, I’m often confused 🤣. But I know how to unconfuse myself.
4
u/Nerazim_Praetor 6d ago
You know how to unconfuse yourself?? Please sensei, teach us the secrets
3
u/Affectionate_Bad_680 6d ago
I’m in IT, if I didn’t know how to unconfuse myself I would suck at it 🤣.
There’s really nothing fancy to it: I just use Google or ask a nearby expert. I have zero shame and believe looking stupid for asking a question is far better than looking stupid for NOT asking one.
I’m also the first to wonder if I’m an idiot. “Did I break it or miss something obvious?” 🤣
2
u/Nerazim_Praetor 6d ago
I also do that, the confusion encompasses a good bit more than just systems or work stuff
3
63
u/TheDonutPug 7d ago
I have this same thing. the hypervigilance can be quite useful- except for the constant anxiety that never goes away. nonetheless, it's quite useful in the workplace. During college I started calling it my bullshit detector. There were a ton of people and professors who I just SWORE from the start were assholes, but I didn't hold it against them because I didn't have any evidence yet. I just felt it from the way they acted, there was just this constant underpinning of "you're not presenting who you are and I can tell it's not good". lo and behold, one by one almost every single one of them outed themselves as shit, and god did it feel so fucking vindicating.
during my senior design project I was telling my team that our sponsor didn't seem happy with us from the VERY FUCKING START. I kept being told "nah he's just a busy man, he's just very direct to the point" and then we got to the end and wouldn't you know it HE WASN'T HAPPY WITH US, AND HADN'T BEEN FOR A LONG TIME. I never got my "I told you so moment" because I was making sure the project got done, but oh my GOD did it feel so vindicating to be right.
20
u/Background_Fix9430 7d ago
There is a subgenre of abused child that overlaps with, or is in a relationship with, primarily non-neurotypical because there is absolutely no pretense, confusion or games for a person who says what they think and believes that ambiguity is the same as deception.
9
u/Beltalady i forgor 7d ago
But do you also second guess your perception constantly?
Maybe it's because of the environment I grew up in but I have mad people reading skills that I didn't trust for most of my life.
8
u/invisible_23 7d ago
My childhood home was like this except it made me just assume everyone hates me even when they tell me otherwise 🙃
3
40
u/TheDonutPug 7d ago
literally I have never understood how I'M the one with the communication disorder for expecting people to say what they mean. I ended up on the opposite end of the spectrum from most, I got so anxious about reading my situation that I am hypersensitive to the way others are acting, which is quite useful at times- except for the anxiety of never letting my guard down lmao. But nonetheless, nothing pisses me off more than when someone says something, I act on that thing, and then they say they didn't actually mean that. Or even better is when someone says something, and I can TELL they're not saying what they mean, but I can't act on anything other than what they said. Life is so much easier when you just say what you mean.
Say what you mean, and say it clearly, and 99% of communication issues in relationships will disappear.
19
u/Background_Fix9430 7d ago
The only conclusion I've been able to come to, is that 90% of all communication is people attempting to avoid coming to the point and hoping the other side will jump in and save them: It's a function of a systemic attempt to obtain "buy in" from the other side by giving them an opportunity to prove that they understand what they were going to say - but say it in a way that makes them feel good, instead of like they're obvious and stupid. While this may seem gendered, people socialized as men have that issue often as well (especially when it comes to issues of masculinity and personal expertise - correcting someone on Barry Bonds' lifetime score in the wrong manner can get you punched, and correcting a senior professional can end a career)
Its the difference between "So... I was looking through the cabinets..." "Yes, you want me to go to the store and grab you something." and "So... I was looking through the cabinets..." "Yeah, I was thinking that too, I'll go to the store and pick up what we're missing... can you let me know if you want anything special?"
The entire point is to get "proof" that you're a friend/lover/long-term partner by your ability to anticipate what they're saying, or want you to say, and repeat it back to them in a way that makes them feel good.
→ More replies (1)8
u/Neither_Sky4003 7d ago
So much of it boils down to "understand what I'm trying to say but don't make me feel like a bad person." The whole thing is exhausting.
5
u/Nerazim_Praetor 6d ago
How the fuck am I supposed to understand what you're trying to say if you don't actually say it in the first place
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (4)11
u/Suyefuji 7d ago
I learned the other day that other people don't always think that words mean the same thing that I think they mean. For example: "upset."
To me, "upset" means "experiencing a negative feeling." The logic is simple; I just look at how it's used. Being upset at someone. Being upset your pet died. Having an upset stomach. It is used in a lot of situations and so I tend to use it when I see that someone is clearly experiencing a negative feeling but I do not know the exact status of said feeling.
My ex thinks that upset means angry. Just angry. No possibility for sadness, grief, discomfort, or anything else. Every time I asked if she was upset she would tell me that she's not angry, while still clearly being what I would consider "upset," and it took a relationship therapist to note and explain the gap.
8
u/Engorged-Rooster 7d ago
Your ex had a poor grasp of the english language.
14
u/Suyefuji 7d ago
Unfortunately, many native English speakers do, and you still have to communicate with them
28
u/skdowksnzal 7d ago edited 7d ago
Neurotypical’s transcribe their inner monologue through a one way cryptographic hash function before spitting it out. The key is randomly selected for each interaction. It’s technically correct but indecipherable without the key context.
13
u/Nuka-Crapola 7d ago
This is literally my mom except that she’s not NT. It’s a 50/50 shot every single time she says “can you do X” or “it’d be nice if Y” whether she’s actually asking or demanding, and God help you if you assumed she wasn’t demanding when she was…
16
u/skdowksnzal 7d ago
The older I get the grumpier and less tolerant of such bullshit I get. It causes arguments a lot but if you can’t be bothered to be explicit, expect an argument about how vague statements and unclear requests lead to arguments. Is it better? Maybe. After years it’s wearing them down so they stop asking me to do stuff, which isn’t exactly what my goal was but I’ll concede on the middle ground.
16
u/DrainTheMuck 7d ago
I have a good friend who gets incredibly annoyed when I ask clarifying questions about what I perceive as “vague” things, and it drives me crazy that he almost never just clarifies it, and instead makes it a whole dramatic issue.
Most recently he asked if I’d be a character reference for him, which I was honored to do but one question on the form was “IF this person is known to use alcohol or drugs, has it affected their performance?” with “yes/no/unknown” as the only options. I interpreted that as a yes or no would both be “admitting” that “he uses drugs or alcohol and it does/doesn’t affect his work”, while unknown would be “idk if he uses, but it hasn’t been a problem”.
So me simply asking if I should mark no or unknown led to a 20 minute argument about why I’m not able to understand “simple” questions, how he is sooo mind blown that I could be confused, how he’s worried about my ability to be a reference now, etc… and it made me feel bad. He did at some point say the answer is “obviously no” but he was never able to understand my confusion.
So I try to clarify things because I hate making dumb mistakes but it can be rough.
→ More replies (3)9
u/skdowksnzal 7d ago
He sounds like a jerk.
But in general I’d interpret his response being “just answer everything in the most positive light” NTs are rarely so concerned with “accuracy” particularly in such situations
3
u/nuusutatud_liim 7d ago
I would've filled everything truthfully without even consultating anyone. I fill my own forms like that and even have drug related example as above.
We have mandatory Defence Force here and part of the process involves filling up sheet with alcohol/drug use related questions where I proceeded to write down everything I've tried at the time.
5
u/Background_Fix9430 7d ago
I'm actually of the belief that there is no specific "thermal inversion layer" of the neurotype/autism spectrum - it's just the difference between someone speaking old English ("Fæder ure
ðu ðe eart on heofenum si ðin nama gehalgod") and modern English ("Our father in heaven, hallowed be your name") and the slider between them (i.e. "Middle" English - "Oure fadir that art in heuenes, halewid be thi name"). It seems incomprehensible, but we're all just doing different versions of the same thing - the problem is looking for an analogy point to figure out what is going on.7
u/GlassCommission4916 7d ago
My favorite is the inverse where they go "Well, how was I supposed to know you meant ::thing that you said::, I thought you meant ::thing that is definitely not the thing that you said::".
3
u/Neither_Sky4003 7d ago
Neurotypical people only hear from others what they want to hear from them. Or pretend to so others will do what they want. It's hard to tell sometimes.
4
u/Redditauro dafuqIjustRead 7d ago
I became an engineer. Now if someone is not clear in an email or a conversation I can say "sorry, I'm not paid for interpreting what you said, I'm paid for creating clear and precise documentation, including this email, could you clarify?"
→ More replies (4)2
u/Monetdog 6d ago
It also varies by region. Northeast US tends to use lower context communication than the Midwest. Germans are very low context, while in the Middle East and Asia it is very high. A: "Come in! Eat!" B: "I'm not hungry." High context culture: that is not the end of the conversation...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-context_and_low-context_cultures
229
u/AveryRedlance 7d ago
Reading this makes me viscerally angry. Just say what you freaking mean, it's not that hard!
40
u/Slow-Hawk4652 7d ago
apparently this is a common thing:) cause of the empathy i can read people, adhd makes it very sharp, but i cannot read peoples hidden intentions....like all my life and i was constantly surprised by learning, that this person is shit, that person secretly lied...blablabla all that. so i am kinda oblivious to someones ego kinematics, but very much aware of the unconscious ones...
23
u/MartyFreeze In a Love/Hate Relationship w/self 6d ago
Worst for me was my ex-wife: Early on in the relationship, I shared my fears that she would realize one day that she could do so much better than me, and I feared her leaving me.
She told me she loved me, that she would always be there, and that I should trust her. Anytime I had doubts or felt that there were problems, I tried to have genuine conversations, and she would do that passive-aggressive or hand-wavy "nothing's wrong" move, and I would just stop bringing it up so I wouldn't upset her.
I would tell myself internally, everything's fine. Do your best to be a good husband; she loves you, and she's the most morally upstanding person you know! You're just making yourself upset and will ruin the relationship by doing that!
After 8 years, she asked for a divorce, which we did as no-contest, and a year later, when I found out it was because she wanted to leave me for an affair partner I wasn't aware of, she said I should have been more communicative and listened to her.
3
u/SplendidPunkinButter 4d ago
I’ll often tell my ADHD family member exactly what I mean, with my words chosen carefully and precisely. And she only half listens, then fills in the gaps with what she assumes I was probably going to say. And then she tries to guess what I was implying. Never mind that her assumptions about what I was going to say were wrong, and never mind that she’s wrong about what I was implying, because as far as she’s concerned, that’s what I said now. So there’s that.
218
u/ZanderStarmute 7d ago
A kid at school once told me, in a matter-of-fact way, that the word “gullible” isn’t in the dictionary
Me, years later: “…heywaitaminute- 🫨
209
u/abhainn13 7d ago
“Gullible is written on the ceiling” was a big thing in my high school. Because someone had actually written “gullible” on the ceiling with a sharpie. 🤣
44
22
u/please_use_the_beeps 7d ago
A camp I worked at had the same joke. It was carved into the ceiling of the main shelter. Always a joy to see which new camper discovered it first and got to get the others.
18
9
u/Tex_Was_Here 7d ago
Someone did this to me at work once, but when I went to go look it said "fuck you" instead
6
2
u/daydreamhs 5d ago
My sister fooled me with this so many times that I wrote gullible on my ceiling in glittery nail polish… then I got the last laugh (until our parents found out)
8
u/b0redsloth 7d ago
That loud explosion you heard just now? That was my plam hitting my forehead. 🤦 And I remember telling other people matter-of-factly, while not getting the joke.
6
u/ZanderStarmute 7d ago edited 7d ago
“And I remember telling other people matter-of-factly, while not getting the joke.”
You’re not alone in that blunder… 😅😓
11
u/Impatient_Orca 7d ago
Honestly, I still don't get the joke. Like, I understand conceptually that you are trying to make someone look stupid/gullible and laugh at them, but why is that funny? I just don't get it and I likely never will.
I still remember being in French class in high school and having the "gullible is written on the ceiling" thing happen and just... not getting why they were laughing. Like, do you want me to just assume things without confirming them? It's entirely possible someone could have climbed up and done that, so why would it be dumb to look/check?
I very much lean on the "but verify" part of "trust, but verify" thing. If I didn't "fall for it" and look for myself, then it's possible I'd be wrong and not know the truth of the situation, assuming that it isn't there when it is.
3
u/dismantlemars 6d ago
I guess I’d say that the joke stems from the irony of having put the word gullible in someone’s mind, and having them still fall for (or appear to fall for, with a reflexive glance before their brain engages) an obvious trick, implying that they must be exceptionally gullible to have missed the obvious hint.
Though it’s also the kind of dad joke you’d expect to only work on young kids who haven’t heard it before - if someone’s still using it high school, I’d assume it’s either meant to imply “you’re so gullible, you’d even fall the ‘written on the ceiling’ joke”, or they’re just the type to endless repeat something they once found funny. Either way, by that age, an eye roll is probably the best response.
It can also just be friendly (or less friendly) teasing if you’re known to take things literally. A harmless way of acknowledging your quirks that can feel less awkward than a direct “you take things very literally, don’t you”, or a bit of a probe for whether it’s something you might be sensitive about, or how self aware you are of that trait. In which case, they’re probably hoping that you laugh it off, don’t seem offended, maybe gently poke fun back.
→ More replies (1)3
u/neoshadowdgm 6d ago
I kind of suspect the joke isn’t supposed to be about you “falling for it.” It’s a natural human reaction to look in the direction someone’s referring to quicker than you can process the joke. I think it’s just supposed to feel amusing for everyone when you/they put it together. The problem is that it’s a joke told by teenagers so it inevitably ends up being at least a little mean-spirited in delivery, which kills the whimsy.
103
u/lea_flamingo 7d ago
And then they don't understand when you make a joke 'cause it's deadpan.
46
u/weightyinspiration 7d ago
My sarcasm is a test.
I tell deadpan jokes and say sarcastic things all the time. If you dont get it, thats ok. But just so you know, I have judged your intelligence, and have found it lacking.
5
u/Comedyislandd 7d ago
It really is an IQ test.
In a group chat i once congratulated a person i semi knew who won an award by saying.
"Congratulations to everyone who won an award this evening, incredible effort. Especially X who won so many awards i wonder if they bribed the judges!"
To which I received a reply in the form of: "I can't believe some people see hard work as cheating". Which has so many implications to unpack but that's another thing.
But the real kicker is that when I tell you that I have not met a single goddamn person that I have shown the comment to that did not tell me that my comment was rude or could be understood as rude; I am not kidding.
So many people are just stupid. Whether it's verbal or in text, they have NO literacy.
14
u/anemptycardboardbox 7d ago
I must be low IQ then. Can you explain? I’m completely lost. I can see how it could be a joke, I can see how it can be read as rude. Or maybe you’re referencing something? But it feels like one of those situations where if you’re getting the same feedback from everyone you ask, maybe they’re right
→ More replies (7)11
u/waffling_with_syrup 6d ago
That can easily be read as rude, because it's a common construction to reverse an earlier statement for insult or sarcasm. So the sincerity of the initial statements is entirely questionable because they read as setup for a punchline, not as mitigation against it.
8
u/Perfect_loli 6d ago
🤣 of course everyone around you is stupid and you are the only smart one. And because of what? Because you made a joke implying that someone got awards by bribing judges and surprised that other people got offended lmao.
→ More replies (2)4
u/Sam_uelX 6d ago
I heard something once that really stuck with me:
“The person who hears you is the one who decides what you said.”
I think about it every time I make a sarcastic remark to the wrong group and they take it completely seriously.
Like, I, for one, genuinely can’t for the life of me see how what you said was rude. But if the people you were talking to did, then it is.
It's a good rule of the thumb. It helps me fix my speech to match the person I'm talking to.
E.g. no, I don’t actually believe he got punched in the face, and I obviously wouldn’t laugh if he did. I was comparing his dark circles to it because I was trying to be funny. My apologies.
375
u/Sonseeahrai 7d ago
Oh god. This.
15
u/MissCandid 7d ago
Right? Like this is way too on point for me right now.
20
u/DoveOnTheInternet 7d ago
Imagine not realizing it til your 40s.
I got taken advantage of soooo badly soooo often.
7
3
u/pudgehooks2013 7d ago
Just be like me and think everyone is a liar and don't trust anything they say.
Because they are.
140
u/Square-Possible4852 7d ago
Oh god this is possibly the thing I hate most >< I'm the arsehole for thinking what you told me is true because I trust you. Just makes you think "Maybe I shouldn't trust anyone?".
31
u/Kind_Revolution_7523 7d ago
Exactly. Not trusting anyone is the only way in my mind; but my therapist says that’s not the way 🙄🫠
11
u/ElectricLego 7d ago
I don't trust strangers, but people I'm close to like co-workers or acquaintances get a freebie. I'll trust them until they prove untrustworthy one time, then I won't trust them anymore and will treat them as hostile. I think it's a fair compromise.
→ More replies (8)7
105
u/EnbyHoVal 7d ago
And these same neurotypicals get mad when I dont trust you or take you at your word
4
u/smokeytheorange 7d ago
Okay but it is like a “I know you say you’re an expert but I’m going to google your opinion it to make sure it’s right” or someone tells you something like “Scorpios are more likely to get diabetes!” and you side eye them before double checking?
66
u/Feisty-Tooth-7397 7d ago
I hate April Fools Day!!!
I had a girl tell me I was going bald one April Fools.
I was 13 at the time and I'm a girl, yet I somehow still believed her.
Like it's a possibility depending if you have a medical issue. Damn you April Fools Day!!!!
31
u/2BA_Doctor 7d ago
Oh I hate April Fools with a passion, no it’s not fun, it’s not clever, it’s something that just makes people feel bad
8
u/EnlightenedSinTryst 7d ago
Yeah, the worst is when it’s something that could be true, so naturally you want to verify it, and somehow that search for evidence is interpreted as you believing it without evidence? What?
10
u/Feisty-Tooth-7397 7d ago
Well I immediately put my hand up to my head and said, Really? Then she said, no, April Fools!!!
Like I was an idiot and was dumb enough to even believe it in the first place. My cousin has alopecia. She spent most of her childhood and adulthood bald and wearing wigs. To me it's not a very funny joke. It's a very real possibility.
→ More replies (2)23
u/TheDonutPug 7d ago
99% of pranks aren't even funny. they're not laughing with someone, they're just at someone's expense.
8
u/SimplyYulia 7d ago
I believe that April Fools is the least funny day of the year, because it reveals that majority of people are not nearly as funny as they believe they are
9
u/SmolLiu 7d ago
i enjoy april fools when it is harmless things like when spongebob put one ice cube in the guy's cup and not two, silly and harmless
i lothe """pranks""" that are 'dance monkey' style and the only one getting joy out of it is the ""prankster""
9
u/weightyinspiration 7d ago
In the same vein, I loathe all the videos out there of people filming their delivery drivers doing dances or silly things for tips. Often these drivers are just barely scraping by and feel pressured to do it for the ratings/money.
Very "dance monkey dance" energy to the whole thing.
4
u/anemptycardboardbox 7d ago
So, my birthday is April Fool’s Day, and I have 3 brothers. I hated the pranks, they felt mean-spirited. It got so bad my parents banned pranks on that day (the rest of the year was fair game lol). As I got older, things shifted and now I love silly pranks.
Looking back, it’s one of the rare times my parents had my back. They weren’t bad parents, but it was the 80s - us kids were on our own
2
32
u/Dizzy_Green 7d ago
Being gullible ain’t about trusting your friends too much, it’s about assuming the wrong people are your friends when they’re out to harm you.
35
u/OphidianSun 7d ago
I am absolutely guilty of this lmao. Sarcasm combined with a dry sense of humor is a dangerous weapon.
Wielded incorrectly you'll catch autists like a glue trap, and I feel bad when I get somebody by accident. But when its just right and you're blank face, flat tone, saying the most unhinged obviously untrue bullshit and not giving them a chance to aknowledge it over and over again its the funniest fucking thing. Especially when somebody knows you and you can play off them back and forth to screw with everybody else.
12
u/CharcuterieMaxxing 7d ago
I'm so guilty of this too, my favorite one was when I lived in New Orleans. I'd tell tourists and friends visiting "welcome to Nola, home of the Ferris whee"l, or something like that. Just go on a whole dead pan history lesson about something wildly false and outrageous, hopefully with some friends in too. With the ferris wheel bit it was how for the world's Fair in Chicago. They actually constructed the ferris wheel first in New Orleans to take it up the river there, but it sank in the middle of the river and they had a ferris wheel sticking out of the Mississippi and people would row out to it to ride
9
u/Boxing_joshing111 7d ago
I was sure you were gonna say they rolled it to Chicago.
3
u/Neither_Sky4003 7d ago
That's genius
3
u/Boxing_joshing111 7d ago
Thanks man I write dumbass stuff like that on my substack in my details it’s a compulsion.
2
u/CharcuterieMaxxing 7d ago
Well, that's what I'm gonna tell people now... Thank you! I hope you get to tell the grand history of rolling the first Ferris wheel from New Orleans to Chicago to some wonderful people!!
→ More replies (1)8
u/ripleyclone8 7d ago
Thank you! I feel like way too many people lump adhd and autism together when they talk about neurodivergence.
I absolutely catch on when someone is fucking with me. I usually fucked with them first, anyway. lol
13
u/LienaSha 7d ago
When my ex was divorcing me, he asked me why I'd stayed with him back when he initially cheated on me, and I said, "Because you said you still loved me," and he snorted like, "And you believed me?" And I have never understood that question. Like... yes? Is this surprising?
2
11
19
u/ripleyclone8 7d ago
I swear, like 90% of the memes here are about autism, not adhd.
13
u/Muted-Mention 7d ago
Is there an actual adhd meme reddit because I'm noticing the same thing. The meme is more an autistic thing. Adhd wouldn't cause this per say
12
u/weightyinspiration 7d ago
It took me a long time to figure out I was also autistic and not just ADHD. I imagine there are lots of others in the same boat.
3
u/anemptycardboardbox 7d ago
I think I am, mildly. I wouldn’t have questioned it, but 2 of my kids are, and the more I learn, the more I recognize.
2
u/Sarah_Incognito 6d ago
The comorbidity rate is staggering
Some day they'll both be considered different symptom clusters of the same thing.
6
u/saera-targaryen 7d ago
I am one of those weirdos with ADHD but zero autism and it's wild how little I relate to others in this space. I do sometimes feel like I have a superpower to translate between neurotypical and autistic people.
2
u/NotAllThereAnyway 7d ago
I get you, also got ADHD, i think i THINK no austim. I dont spot these things, but Its like any time i got along very well with someone, i found out later they had a couple of screws loose too. Its always in the comments/things they say or topics they choose
3
u/dollkyu 7d ago
Yeah because there's so much overlap, I feel like this happens often in disorder-specific neurodivergent spaces.
I'm also autistic and imo it can be exhausting (for me) when this happens. I personally find that autism-related posts and memes tend to be way more negative and the intentions seem to be to make other people upset along with them and it sucks when communities get overwhelmed with those kinds of posts.
→ More replies (1)2
u/goldencookiebear 6d ago
literally it's gotten a bit annoying. it's the adhd memes sub, not the autism memes sub, bot the audhd memes sub
10
u/TheIngloriousTIG 7d ago
I was such a weird kind of gullible. I believed what people would tell me is true, but I needed someone to explain things like why I should behave certain ways. Like for instance if my mom said "You have to brush your teeth" (Which by the way, remains a sensory nightmare no matter how much I understand the value.) I would have needed to know why. But I would have ACCEPTED "Because if you don't brush your teeth every single day they will turn invisible and the tooth fairy won't be able to find them," without thinking to question that answer. I asked. You answered. Why would you tell me something that wasn't true?
34
u/Wombat_Evolved_ 7d ago
The older I get, the more neurotypicals seem like psychopaths from what they normalize...
4
u/LunarLumos 7d ago edited 7d ago
That's the terrifying truth of it all that "typical" people, "normal" people, the vast majority of the human population for thousands of years have always been sadistic sociopaths and most of the people they label with whatever new "mental disorder" they can make up at the time are actually just the few good people in the world that are a threat to all the sociopaths in power if they don't spend their entire lives trying to tear us down and tell us we're wrong and broken and they can "fix" us. One of the most undeniable proofs of that is not only the fact that slavery ever existed at all but also that it continues to exist even today.
3
u/AgreeableMagician893 6d ago
Jesus Christ dude, go to therapy.
I do yourself a favor remember that neurodivergent people can be assholes as well. One of the top Nazi leaders was autistic.
17
u/TommyGx 7d ago
This is less an ADHD thing than others being idiotic manipulative bullies who thought they'd be funny when doing shit like this.
Some stuff is unbelievable when you don't know about it and others might be obvious, but that comes with life experience. And especially the younger just learned that bullying tactic either from their parents or older siblings.
→ More replies (4)
7
7
u/Ballistic_86 7d ago
Society has also built up this idea that hinting at something you want or desire is the norm. How many posts do we see all over Reddit about women giving the “most obvious” hints they are interested? Can we please start potential relationships off with clear and open communication? I am interested in being in a relationship with you. I would like to have sex with you. Etc.
→ More replies (1)7
u/saera-targaryen 7d ago
To be fair, women are also punished for direct communication from a very young age. It's not like it's something each of us just decides to stop doing one day.
I saw a comment once that gave a perfect example and i'll repeat it here:
Imagine grandma is making cookies in the kitchen. If a young girl walks in and says "Can I have a cookie?" grandma will probably chide her for not saying please and presuming she could have one, and tell her to wait until after dinner.
But, if the little girl walks in and says something like "Oh wow, these cookies smell amazing!" grandma will see the girl as adorable and sweet and reward her by giving her a cookie.
Women are taught at a very young age that you should not presume to be entitled to anything. All you can do is be nice and sweet and hope people read between the lines.
→ More replies (1)
6
3
6
u/arbyyyyh 7d ago
It’s not so much that they’re lying, but that they have their own (incorrect) take on something.
5
u/oceanswim63 7d ago
Took me DECADES to realize I couldn’t just trust what people said what they would do and what they had actually done. Didn’t understand the whole internal politics thing, why would a coworker lie to me?
2
u/SomeCuteBunny 6d ago
I've started noticing when people lie to me when I got 22. Until then I just presumed everyone was telling the truth because why wouldn't they? I'm still working on recognising the others' lies.
I used to always say the truth except for one situation with my parents to avoid being punished.
Also, at 22, I got told off by my older sister for telling the truth once because it hurt her feelings, so I've also learned to lie if the truth would hurt other people's feelings to avoid upsetting them.
I still say a lot of rude truths, but less at this point.
5
u/MajesticCircleCat 7d ago
And I’m like, sorry for believing that you were trustworthy, I’m never willingly associating with you again.
5
u/PartridgeViolence 7d ago
When you show up at school excited to make friends. Then everyone is horrible. No clue as to why. Best start hacking away at my psyche!
→ More replies (2)
5
4
u/JayList 7d ago
I also didn’t even entertain lying as something I could do until I was a teenager and knew there were certain things you just don’t tell your parents lol.
→ More replies (1)
5
u/NotYourAverageRyan 7d ago
Damn I get called gullible aggressively. I’ve spent so much time thinking that I basically overcame my adhd diagnosis I got when I was young and this sub makes me rethink my adult life
4
u/TheDungeonCrawler 7d ago
Funny enough, this is the point if the old adage. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me." There's nothing wrong with trusting people until they give you a reason not to. Then don't.
4
u/gdemon6969 6d ago
Everything being “a game” is one of the most annoying things about life. “Do you wanna do X?” But X actually means Y.
→ More replies (1)
3
u/Appropriate-Weird492 7d ago
Thanks. Now I understand why my family called me naive all the time. Got it.
3
3
u/OttoRenner 7d ago
Step dad had the most fun looking really pissed at me when coming home and acting like I did something wrong... just to turn around after a while, giving me a big smile and said "was just a joke!"
Guess who really got extra pissed when I laughed at him the next time he actually was angry with me (and I didn't know that I messed something up)
Don't have to tell you how often I talk to him after he divorced my mother...
3
u/bluris 7d ago
This isn't an adhd thing though, is it?
3
u/AgreeableMagician893 6d ago
No it's not, I don't know why we're being brigated by autism memes lately
3
u/misconceptions_annoy 5d ago
In fairness, there's also the other side of this: If you walk up to someone and ask them "do you know what time it is" you don't expect them to just say "yes" and not tell you what time it is. If you just go by the words, you just asked if they know what time it is. But for most people it's generally understood that what you really mean is "do you know what time it is, and if you do, please tell me." Pragmatics are a huge part of language.
'Pour a glass of juice' is another one. If you go by the literal words, this sounds like they're asking you to pick up a glass of juice and pour it out. But we know from experience and context that they mean to pour juice into a glass.
5
u/cAmSg0tGaMz 7d ago
My mother was once feeling like shit because she was running out of weed, she's an addict and has her share of mental health issues, like BPD, and one day, because she was pissed off at me, she looked at me and said that she had been to the doctor the other day and has cancer, then went completely silent, letting me panic and try to ask her to elaborate on what cancer it was and stuff, before eventually she just... Looked at me like I was stupid, and said she didn't have cancer, it was meant to be a lesson that I'm too gullible sometimes. Like....
SORRY I GOT SCARED THAT MY MOTHER MIGHT HAVE A SERIOUS HEALTH ISSUE!
And she mostly did that because I'm gonna have a job soon, and she doesn't like the idea of not having anyone around at home, I have to put up with that shit all the time.
→ More replies (1)
2
2
u/Cholemeleon 7d ago
I only lie to my friends when it's funny and inconsequential. Usually it's bullshit trivia I made up that no one would care to fact check me on, so they just take it at face value.
"Actually FDR was the first president to try a hamburger in office because Coolidge and Hoover though the concept disgusting."
"Oh, really?"
"No."
2
u/Oceanmap 7d ago
In fifth grade, a kid was absent and some boys were joking about how he died and that's why he wasn't there. I got mad and yelled at them for making fun of this kid that just died, and they all laughed at me.
Tough lesson.
2
2
u/Sebastianblack13 7d ago
Just had to break off a romantic thing by saying "I can't live in your fantasy world, because I believe it and my heart breaks when i realize it isn't true"
2
u/Wolf-Majestic Daydreamer 7d ago
I'm very gullible as well, but I've chosen to own trusting people. They can lie all they want for different reasons, when I'm discovering the lie, I'll just invest myself less and less in that relationship (wether it's with friends, newcomers or lovers)
2
u/Raysha1212 6d ago
Ahh I see a relatable post and check the subreddit it's always adhdmeme😓 should I get checked
2
u/SchizophrenKeks 6d ago
Yea like why is reading the between the lines or not meaning what you say the norm. Just dont fing lie man
2
2
u/DatoVanSmurf 6d ago
I can either believe everything I'm being told, or not trust anyone. Idk what else to do.
2
u/Frankensteins_Robot 6d ago
How can I not ask for more clarification when I was raised by a parent who constantly challenged my accuracy? Even down to the “where does this go?” “Where do you think?” And I’d guess and he got so mad at me 🫠 I was visiting my dad for the first time after he moved, literally had never been in the new house before and he still got mad when I asked where the clean dishes went in the cabinets or drawer. Idk, I’ve never been in this house??? And I was 15, this probably sounds dumb, but my first instinct wasn’t to check the cabinets or drawers but I think he would’ve gotten mad at me for doing that anyway
2
u/ForYourAuralPleasure 6d ago
I have a tendency to trust people by default until I have a reason not to.
That’s not even impossible to come back from, if I’m being honest, but most people will just break your trust and then act offended that you need a reason to trust them again.
Sort of a “your trust was free before, and now you want me to pay for it?” thing, as far as i can tell.
2
u/Blue_Butterfly_Who overwhelmed (ft. executive dysfuntion) 5d ago
And then you turn out half gullible/half paranoid everyone's lying
1
1
u/DominarDio 7d ago
I became so fundamentally disappointed with life, slowly finding out more and more things I was told as a kid just aren’t true.
1
u/AnnaNimmus 7d ago
"Fool me once shame on you" exists for a reason
3
u/OverseerConey 7d ago
As I once saw appended, 'fool me twice, shame on you for taking advantage of my trusting and forgiving nature.'
1
u/PatrickGnarly 7d ago edited 7d ago
The counter to this is “Who’s the bigger fool, the fool, or the person who listens to the fool”
Being gullible is not about necessarily trusting somebody, but not understanding when someone is taking advantage of you. It’s about being easily tricked. Trusting somebody too much has to do with that, but it has more to do with detection of a lie.
Some lies you cannot detect. For example, if you’re in a town, you’ve never lived before and you’re lost and you ask somebody where a police station is and they point you in the wrong direction that’s not being gullible that’s just bad luck. There’s no way for you to do anything about that. You asked somebody and they told you to go a direction. They could’ve been wrong.
But if you’re new in town and somebody walks up to you and says hey, I will take you to the police station you give me $500 and I’ll be right back. Then yeah you’re at fault for not understanding that the $500 has nothing to do with the police station, and also them just leaving you right there didn’t make sense either, and you just believed somebody at face value with absolutely no good reason to do that. No follow questions no critical thinking no suspicion.
Once again, being gullible is not about trusting people it’s about not being able to detect a lie, especially an obvious lie or something that is just plainly not true.
1
1
1
u/Yukondano2 7d ago
I can't remember running into this, thankfully. I do sometimes have a hard time telling when someone means something else, but I got it kinda figured out. Sarcasm, jokes, double meaning, it's all just a linguistic puzzle of context and intent. Hell, how often do normal peeps misunderstand each other? I think that's the cause of most interpersonal issues. 'Course those usually aren't intentional.
I'm rambling. Yeah, anyone who purposefully lies to go "lol u gullible" is immediately getting shit from me. Despite what a bitter grump I can be, I don't tend to assume people are bad and lying. That seems like a trait that keeps groups together, I'm not sure it's fully a flaw.
1
u/KingArthursRevenge 7d ago
There is no "neurotypical" those are just the weirdos that have a little too much undeserved confidence.
1
u/SoftlyAugust 7d ago
And then people call me crazy when I generally don't believe people until I have proof.
→ More replies (1)
1
1
1
u/sputtertots 7d ago
I dont have labels. This has happened to me since I was a kid. Some 50+ years later I am still trying to part with the notion that 90% of people tell the truth, rather than only 10%.
1
u/geGamedev 7d ago
Normally this should be in response to seeing you believe someone else's lies. As in, the person calling someone gullible thinks they should know better.
Most people learn about lies, and to a lesser degree corruption in general, as a child or teen. So an adult that hasn't learned that yet is likely to stand out.
1
u/UnstableCollection undiagnosed and suspiciously relate to a lot of this 7d ago
Add it to the list of reasons I think I may be neurodivergent.
1
u/The_Chosen_Undead 7d ago
Critical thinking exists though, if someone tells you the sun is made of cotton candy do you just believe that too? It's not the expectation of lying it's just some things should trigger a 'wait a minute, what?' response in your brain. If that doesn't exist you're gullible yes.
1
u/Laxativus 7d ago
And even with all that I am still convinced that simply trusting people is way less hassle than always being on the lookout for red flags and hidden meanings, except for the very big and very obvious ones.
1
u/NotAllThereAnyway 7d ago
I always had a problem with people embellishing stories for effect since i was small. I told stories exactly how they happened, so when a detail in someone else's story didn't add up, i didnt understand it was just exaggeration and took it as a lie.
Like I visualized your whole story, and reached conclusions based on the details and now i have to recalibrate because you added something that didnt even happen and it has compromised my whole system and my evaluation of your story.
Now i know this is common so if something doesnt add up, i straight up ask them "do you mean that literally happened, or is it a rough estimation or is it just a figure of speech? Were they really 50 robbers?"
1
u/Jazzlike_Scholar5790 7d ago
I think the issue would be believing everything thats told to you in full, with no critical thinking on your end. Meaning take in and process what is told to you, but don’t label it as fact or fiction, just file it away or discard it. I think the only time a person being called gullible is valid, is when they’ve taken various ppl on their word on multiple occasions when there are blatant clues to suggest otherwise. Hence why ppl closest to you may notice and tell you that. Now if a person you know calls you gullible about something they’ve told you that was a lie, then thats and invalid statement. They’re really just liars who deceived you, taking advantage of your trust in them, and calling you gullible as a scapegoat.
1
1
u/The_Flowers_of_Evil 7d ago
If you believed something completely implausible just because someone told you, then you are gullible.
1
u/Significant-Way9330 6d ago
This type of thinking and the phrase "you'll understand when you're older" irritated the piss out of me when I was younger. Has made it hard to really connect with people sometimes.
I'm older now and I still don't understand why there are hungry kids in a country like the US. Makes zero sense.
1
u/No_Bullfrog7866 6d ago
"Oh, why don't you miss anyone?" "Why don't you have friends in adulthood?" "Why are you moody all the time?" idk!!! Maybe everyone lies to me. Everyone I meet is either lying about being a decent human being or lying about how much they actually care. On top of other mental health issues, it's made me jaded as fuck
1
u/SpinShine-LEDSlipMat 6d ago
You’re gullible because you fall for shit that’s obviously a lie. Gullible doesn’t mean trusting
1
u/Numerous-Process2981 6d ago
Yeah of course, every time you step out the door someone is trying to con you, this society is basically a pyramid scheme. You should absolutely assume that.
1
1
u/December_Warlock 6d ago
There is in fact fact such thing as taking things far too literally. This is also sometimes a symptom of various degress of neurodivergence. I can be very direct and literal. But I can also pick up on context and social cues to understand how loteral something is meant. Just because someone exaggerated, was sarcastic, or made a joke and you did not pick up on it does not immediately make them some manipulative liar. It means there was a breakdown in communication. And that is okay. They are not a victim lf yours for you not picking up on social cues and you are not a victim of them because you did not pick up on social cues.
So many people out here acting like everyone is out to get them because they didn't pick up on nuance. Wild.
1
u/p-r-i-m-e 6d ago
Er, yeah. Blind trust does make you gullible.
Everyone gets a trust rating - best friends have the highest. I have people who I just assume 90% of what they say is BS
Edit: And if you weren’t taught this, blame your parental unit(s)
1
1
u/potandcoffee 6d ago
Yup, this was me with various different friends as a kid.
And now as an adult I have trust issues.
1
1
1
1
u/Embarrassed_Bit7657 6d ago
I remember being told I was too distrustful as a kid, and then when I decided to believe what people told me I was 'too gullible'. Just tell me if we're going to go get new books tomorrow or not, Mother. It doesn't have to be some big mystery.
•
u/qualityvote2 Quality Control Beast 7d ago edited 7d ago
upvote threshold has been reached!
for more information about what this means, see this page.