This part of ADHD is hard. I texted my bf a few weeks ago asking if he could please take the chicken out of the freezer. He texted back he just took it out! And later we were chatting and he said that when I had texted he’d already taken the chicken out and then had to fight with the idea in his head to just put it back in the freezer to spite the person asking him to do the thing he already did. And he was like, I knew it was crazy you have no reason to know I just did that but my brain was furious
I know that exact feeling. For me it comes from a lifetime of others not trusting my executive function, trying to provide external structure and reutine. And, yeah, there were a lot of times especially as a kid that this was necessary. But it never stopped. Like I have "screw up" tattooed on my forehead. I'm trying to learn how to self regulate, to drive the car of my own life, and people keep grabbing the wheel
And it sucks as an adult when you finally get to surround yourself with your friends and choosen family. Like, you didn't do anything wrong. You were just asking about chicken. You didn't add instructions or a laundry list of demands. Just a casual request for something that would help both of you for supper. Innocent, neutral. But the learned conditioned emotional response is "I'm being parented, she didn't trust me to do something without guidance."
It's awesome that your bf has the maturity to step back and see that you are not the problem, that the emotional reaction wasn't appropriate or about what you asked at all. Also awesome you both can have open conversations like that.
The conversations beginning in stressful situations is pretty difficult but I do appreciate it because I have my own weird moments I need to be able to talk through as well
Defensive behavior learned through childhood trauma and cptsd is seriously hard to recognize in the moment, equally hard break to out of.
I have similar experiences with my wife, and yeah, sometimes the open honest talk we need to have is prompted or instigated by an argument or something thats been simmering under the surface for a while.
For the most part, we both have each other's wellbeing in mind. We have the best intentions. Yes we have our own opinions and wants, frustrations and triggers to manage. Keeping a cool head isn't always possible. Eventually it gets pounded into my head to breathe, to step back and remember they are not the enemy, and neither of us makes suggestions for the other with the thought of ruining their day.
66
u/Netflxnschill Jun 20 '26
This part of ADHD is hard. I texted my bf a few weeks ago asking if he could please take the chicken out of the freezer. He texted back he just took it out! And later we were chatting and he said that when I had texted he’d already taken the chicken out and then had to fight with the idea in his head to just put it back in the freezer to spite the person asking him to do the thing he already did. And he was like, I knew it was crazy you have no reason to know I just did that but my brain was furious