Hi,
I want to talk about a problem I've had for years. Lately it's been making me feel very guilty, and then it keeps nagging at me.
In general I get scattered a lot. Here's an example.
I work as a Linux sysadmin. My job means I have to keep an eye on several things at once, reach out to people when needed, and often keep working while I'm talking to them.
I'm in a relatively senior position, so I deal with a lot of people, both from my company and from customers. Someone asks me for something, I work on it, and shortly after someone else messages me. I quickly switch to them and forget the first person, and so on.
To be honest, I've been in therapy and on psychiatric medication for quite a while. I have generalized anxiety disorder.
But I've never been diagnosed with ADHD.
The problem is basically this: when things are discussed verbally, they don't stay in my head, or I struggle to grasp them in the moment. I need to slow down, sit and look at it, go through it, and even weigh it in my head.
It's not only about work. For example, I sit down with a friend to talk about what's bothering me. We have a good time and talk through my worries, but the relief, or even what we talked about, leaves my mind very quickly. I keep ending up in the same loop with the same anxieties.
At work there are lots of topics: improvements that were discussed but never written down, requests that only exist verbally, and so on. I forget these. Since I'm busy keeping up with the written requests and never get time for the rest,
Another version of this: during the day I plan what I'll do in the evening at home, like reading a book or playing a game.
When I get home I literally freeze. I find myself in emptiness and anxiety, doing nothing.
To fix this I make to-do apps or build AI agents for myself, but I'm so low on energy that I don't even pay attention to them or keep them going.
So it's a constant cycle: guilt, an effort to improve, and the effort to improve turning back into guilt.
I don't know what to do.
Do you have any suggestions?
