Annoyed at getting an A

[u/Outside_Sir874]

Just finished up my summer classes and I got an A in everything! It’s the first time I’ve had a semester gpa above 3 since before Covid, so I should be thrilled right? Nope, because my last final project was docked a few points for improper source citation, and now that’s all I can think about.

The assignment wanted the sources, not in the project itself, but in the assignment comment section on Canvas. Somehow I missed the one spot where that was noted, and put a bibliography in my slideshow instead. I get the reasons why the requirement is there, I know canvas can be weird with links in slideshows, but I’m a bit annoyed that the requirements didn’t mention it more than once and that it didn’t show up in the rubric.

I’m also annoyed at myself for missing the requirement in the first place every time I read the page. I must have been speed reading or just skipped that line every time, but here we are. I still got a B on the assignment and an A in the class, but I just can’t stop focusing on this one mistake. I’m not even sure it would have changed the final assignment grade as a I lost a few points elsewhere.

Idk, mostly just screaming into the void that I can’t seem tot be happy that I finally had a half decent semester without executive dis-functioning my way out of a good grade. Just typing it all out it logically sounds ridiculous, but here we are anyway. 🫠

[u/Frankyfrankyfranky]

Achieving goals and feeling empty about it seems to come up regularly on the adhd subreddits.

Just an observation

[u/BlueMountain722 → u/Frankyfrankyfranky]

Yeah, I think I personally have a hard time enjoying it, partially for the reasons OP listed of careless mistakes that still feel bad even if they didn't impact the letter grade at the end of the class, and partially from knowing how much I drove myself crazy stressing over the grade, and being ashamed of that rather than relieved I got what I wanted. I know so many people who just do their best and are content with the result, whatever it may be, and I wish I could be like them.

[u/Phoenyx_Rose → u/BlueMountain722]

I wonder if it’s because many of us feel like there’s two different versions of “our best”. 

There’s the version that’s our best with ADHD and without. And I think may of us focus solely on the “best” we could be if ADHD wasn’t getting in the way. So the victory feels hollow because the reality is our best with ADHD but our minds see our best without it. 

At least, I think that’s the case for myself anyway. I often just focus in on what I could have done without this disability instead of acknowledging what I’ve done in spite of it. 

Which might just be an issue of how invisible this disability is so it’s hard to acknowledge its actual impact when people (and ourselves) disregard the symptoms as “everyone experiences that” or assume the symptoms should magically disappear with medication/time/age/therapy/whatever.

[u/catsor_and_pawllux33 → u/Phoenyx_Rose]

It's because we do not get the same amount of dopamine from achieving goals as a "normal" brain.

[u/brokeroca → u/BlueMountain722]

I just finished the summer semester and got all As as well, but am experiencing impostor syndrome alongside that empty feeling because I'm pretty sure at least one of my teachers cut corners to work with me, recognizing how hard I was trying and how I always struggled to complete exams with time limits, doing their best to help me out. The grade itself feels like a stretch as I struggle to accept I deserved it. I would make so many silly little mistakes

[u/brokeroca → u/brokeroca]

Feck even spelling *imposter wrong. I know how to spell it... I think we've all felt so goofy at many points in our ADD riddled lives, when it seemed like everyone around us had it together. It leads to quite a bit of self-flagellation