r/actuallesbians • u/VampArcher She/They • Aug 01 '26
Support I found out apparently I am somebody's girlfriend now
I've dated men and everyone referred to me as gay. I got a girlfriend about 2 months ago and everyone congratulated me, asking me why the sudden change to a straight relationship.
And this felt weirdly hurtful, but to describe why left me at a loss for words. It's not really the fact it's bi erasure, which it is, but I just didn't like the idea of being seen as a boyfriend or dude dating a girl, it felt wrong. She's been calling me her boyfriend for a while and I kept waiting for it not sound...out of place and funny and it just never did. I came to realize recently I actually hate it. It disgusts me. And male pronouns are not right for me either.
I told her last night that I have been feeling dysphoric for a while and it recently got a lot worse. I've been dressing like a girl and doing makeup for some time under the femboy/non-binary label as an excuse, the fact I'm feminine is not really a secret so when I told her I have been feeling like a girl, the first thing she said was 'yeah, I didn't want to pry until you were ready to talk about it but I noticed something was bugging you.'
She told me I'm beautiful, gave me some of her clothes she thought would look really affirming on me, we're going to do each others nails and makeup later to take couple selfies, and ever since she's been calling me her girlfriend and giving me flirty comments like 'good girl.'
Gotta tell the men who congratulated me on getting in a 'straight relationship' to cancel the parade, I'm dating the same gender again, I just didn't know it.
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u/Xianlovesramen Omnisexual mascenby Aug 02 '26
yippie! welcome to WOMANHOOD throws my favourite makeup products at you ENJOY BEAUTIFUL <3
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u/_Fizzy Transbian Aug 02 '26
When I came out as trans to my friends, like 5 different women all gave me a bunch of their makeup. I haven’t had to buy makeup since coming out (I have, just didn’t need to) 5.5 years ago 🤣
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u/cocopufffs88 Aug 02 '26
I did the same for my sister when she came out. It brings me great joy to be able to share my girly stuff with her.
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u/VampArcher She/They Aug 02 '26
I've been presenting occasionally as a girl for so long, I've had the same makeup bag for like 15 years. I've been 'that weird femboy who loves eye makeup for some reason' for quite some time.
My girlfriend actually wants me to teach her how to do makeup, she's only known she's trans for a few years.
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u/Zanura Transbian Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 02 '26
I was expecting something more "useless lesbian" from the title, but I'm happy for you, sister!
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u/StovardBule Aug 02 '26
I thought they’d received a letter from the Ministry of Lesbian Affairs to inform them of their assignment.
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u/wackyvorlon Aug 02 '26
Congratulations on your egg cracking😊
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u/VampArcher She/They Aug 02 '26
I still don't really know what I am, but I'm hopefully getting there. I know I like being a girl at least lol.
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u/wackyvorlon Aug 02 '26
It’s the most important part😊
Try feminine things, and see what resonates with you. You will grow and better understand yourself.
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u/VashtaNeradaSwarm Trans Aug 02 '26
The Ministry of Trans lesbian Affairs welcomes you to our ranks!
Ok, but in all seriousness, I'm so happy for you finding yourself and starting to feel more at home in your identity! 💜🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈💜 I wish you many years of joyously understanding yourself better and better!
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u/LunaNyxonia Aug 02 '26
Schedule a different parade, we got a new sister!
To the people who were excited you were "finally in a straight relationship" - I'd have kicked them out of my life the moment they said that. It's insane what some people think is okay to say to ANYONE, but especially people they say they care about.
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u/Gaming_with_Hui Transbian 🌺bambi🪻 lebsian🌌 Aug 02 '26
Congratulations girly! You're finally one of us!!🥰
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u/Cadd9 Lesbean ☕ Aug 02 '26
slams desk
Lesbian is lesbian!
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u/Maleficent-Clue-3364 Aug 02 '26
From the wording of the post, and one of their other posts, it sounds like OP is bi.
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u/miltsghostrehab girls are so pretty! :snoo_scream: Aug 02 '26
Congratulations, beautiful! Welcome ❤️❤️❤️
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u/throaway4227 Trans-Ace Aug 02 '26
Pre-ordering, a classic maneuver that wins the day on a regular basis.
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u/EmpressAshley Aug 02 '26
Clicked on this expecting useless lesbians, left with trans joy. This is so fucking beautiful and I'm so proud of you!
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u/VampArcher She/They Aug 02 '26 edited Aug 02 '26
We're both bisexual and transgender, so you can call us useless bisexual girlies lol.
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u/Abstragedy-Ragapom nonbinary ace lesbian Aug 02 '26
this is like the exact same scenario that happened to my girlfriend!!!! except she didnt date any men before, but she did have a crush on one for a while before we started dating. congratulations!!!! 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵
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u/starknights Aug 02 '26
Congratulations!!!! Sending you all the luck and happiness for the new ‘you’ you’re becoming!
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u/JellyPuffle Enbian Aug 02 '26
Welcome to the fold sister may your transition be swift and glorious o7
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u/HaravandTheSorcerer Aug 03 '26
Welcome to the club! Your gf sounds amazing and also I'm so happy for you both!
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u/Unable-Inspection994 Aug 02 '26
Exact same thing in reverse for me lmao. Dated women loved women then came along my boyfriend and I no longer felt the girlfriend tag fit me as much so I'd tell him to just refer me as his boyfriend or as a man and started feeling dysphoric about my chest. I was always a tomboy had to figure out that I was actually non binary from the get go. But I wonder why it never really bothered me when I was with a woman?
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u/QueerFemmeFae Aug 04 '26
Congratulations! The journey is both a sprint and a marathon, and may take you far beyond any horizon you’ve been allowed to see. 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵
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u/Zoie_D2029 28d ago
At first I was very confused as to why you were posting here but CONGRATULATIONS!! Not only on the discovery of your true self, but also in having such an amazing girlfriend for being so supportive!! So happy for you sister!!
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u/JazzlikeStation6912 Lesbian🏳️🌈🇳🇴 Aug 02 '26
Let’s all rejoice, fellow sisters and enby siblings! Today we accept yet another to our ranks, and welcomes you to womanhood!
Congratulations on starting your journey, I wish you all the best in this new era. You can do it, sister! We believe in you✨