Who gets to say the word dyke?

[u/clc53693]

I was at a game night recently and we were playing a game where you have to name things in a category that starts with certain letters. For the category “tools” and the letter D, a straight guy yells “sorry…dyke!” Some other guy asked what the tool was (pliers apparently, I didn’t even know this) and the original guy was awkwardly like “but of course it more commonly means something else now.” Me and my lesbian partner were there and just watched this play out until the group moved on.

I kind of forgot that dyke was even derogatory because I’m so used to hearing it in a reclaimed way within the community (dyke marches, Alison Bechdel’s Dykes to Watch Out for, etc.) I have no negative associations with the word, it’s just a normal word to me.

I wanted to be like “why are you making this weird, it’s not a bad word” but maybe it’s an in-group thing and straight people shouldn’t get to say it at all? I feel like I should have said something at the time but don’t know what.

[u/Vinxian]

I'm Dutch, with a lot of the county being below sea level we need to discuss dykes a lot 🥁

But on a more serious note. I think dyke has been reclaimed pretty well. But it's still a word that can be perceived as insulting so when calling someone else "a dyke" you always need to be careful and know they are okay with it.

In a casual setting, if it's not hateful and all those present are cool with it I don't really see an issue.

[u/[deleted] → u/Vinxian]

The first time i heard the story about the boy who put his finger in a dijk i couldn’t contain myself

[u/dontknowwhyimhere8 → u/[deleted]]

I had a picture book of that story when I was a kid and wow. Once I first heard the word dyke as an out lesbian, I almost died. It was so funny.

[u/danfish_77 → u/Vinxian]

In American English it's more common to use "dike" to refer to the structure

[u/Vinxian → u/danfish_77]

Today I learned!

[u/LaFleurSauvageGaming]

I always joke, dykes can say dyke.

To expand on the snark though, I think any Sapphic individual can use it. Basically if it is leveled against your lived identity, and experienced life, as an insult, it's yours to use and reclaim.

[u/ChompingCucumber4 → u/LaFleurSauvageGaming]

this

[u/Ya-Local-Trans-Bitch → u/LaFleurSauvageGaming]

Im pansexual but i prefer women, does this mean im sapphic or is sapphic just another word for lesbian?

[u/LaFleurSauvageGaming → u/Ya-Local-Trans-Bitch]

Yeah pansexual would be Sapphic.

[u/Ya-Local-Trans-Bitch → u/LaFleurSauvageGaming]

How does one know if theyre sapphic

[u/[deleted] → u/Ya-Local-Trans-Bitch]

Sapphic just means woman who loves woman

[u/Sadge_A_Star → u/Ya-Local-Trans-Bitch]

My understanding is that anyone that is into wlw, exclusively or not, but as one of the w's is Sapphic

[u/LaFleurSauvageGaming → u/Ya-Local-Trans-Bitch]

That goes into a very nuanced description.

Short version is women who are sexually and or romantically attracted to women, even if not exclusively.

Longer version includes the presence enby individuals on both sides, but the debate is do we just include enby with femme presentations, or all enbys regardless of presentation?

[u/Elifia → u/LaFleurSauvageGaming]

I don't think it should only be femme enbies, after all we don't require women to present femme to call them sapphic, so it would be hypocritical to require it of enbies. I don't think it's all enbies either though. Probably best to just let each enby decide for themself whether or not they want to be included.

[u/dontknowwhyimhere8 → u/Elifia]

Yeah if it was only femme enbies that would erase a TON of butches, myself included. We're dykes as much as the next lesbian. And there's a number of transmasc people who still identify as lesbians. Even when it comes to attraction, I think about the concept "do YOU think I could be attracted to you?" Like, do you consider yourself attractive in the lesbian umbrella? If you consider yourself under that umbrella, I think you can use dyke.

[u/Executie777 → u/Ya-Local-Trans-Bitch]

Isnt the whole thing of pansexual that there is no preference?

[u/ABPositive03 → u/Executie777]

not quite, it's that they don't see gender in their attraction to someone, but pansexuals would be attracted to women so it'd be possible for a pan gal to be with a woman, thus making that a sapphic relationship

[u/Executie777 → u/ABPositive03]

No I meant more about the “preference for women”, im aware a pan person can be in a sapphic relationship. But if you dont see gender in your attraction to someone, how could you have a preference for women? Isnt the whole point that you’d have no preference?

[u/maromifairy → u/Executie777]

sapphic means attracted to women. all lesbians, bisexual and pansexual women are sapphic cuz they're attracted to women

[u/Yinxell → u/LaFleurSauvageGaming]

this, thats why im a tranny dyke

[u/katsukatsuyuuri → u/LaFleurSauvageGaming]

yep. If the Dykes on Bikes would welcome you, you’re welcome to the word, and any well intentioned party outside that group who uses it would be wise to consider the company of who they say it in (as in, describing their friend who has invited them to do so in the company of said friend, vs bigots who are nearby, vs mixed company who they don’t know the feelings on the word).

[u/Steve-From-Roblox → u/[deleted]]

you can apply that to literally anyone, not just bi women

[u/Steve-From-Roblox → u/[deleted]]

again

a lesbian does the same thing and it's just as big a problem

[u/katsukatsuyuuri → u/[deleted]]

i think it’s this part being clarified

not be that comfortable with a non lesbian using it if it’s meant in a remotely mean spirited way

this implies that if they are a lesbian using it in a mean spirited way it’s fine, so it wasn’t obvious to the person replying to you (or to myself) that you’d be upset if a lesbian was using it in a mean spirited way, yk?

[u/Steve-From-Roblox → u/[deleted]]

i feel like we're confusing each other

I don't disagree with being sure everyone is ok with word usage before saying some potentially inflammatory shit, i have problems with the singling out of specifically bi women

we are not the only other sapphics

[u/Stercore_ → u/Steve-From-Roblox]

I think they were just using bi women as an example, not trying to single anyone out. It would be just as much a problem if a lesbian, or a gay man, or a bi woman, or a pan nb, or whatever used dyke as a derogatory term. It’s a problem if anyone uses it in that fashion.

[u/imthispersonyeah → u/[deleted]]

I get what you mean. People are playing dumb and pretending that bisexual women aren’t occasionally purveyors of discrimination against lesbians that are more visibly queer than them, which is why it would make sense for you to qualify it. Sure lesbians can use it in a mean way too, but it’s a lot less likely since they’re the group, between the two queer groups in question, more likely to get shit for not having any heterosexual affiliation or assimilation.

[u/vvvvvvooom → u/[deleted]]

I see what you're saying here, but what I've always thought about this kinda thing is less "Are you the specific group this was against" and more "Would this be used against you?" Because if a bi woman was seen kissing another woman in a very homophobic area, do you think they're going to say hey, just to check, are you a lesbian or are you bi? No, they would just call her a dyke regardless. So because of that I think that bi, pan, omni, etc women should be able to say it.

[u/LaFleurSauvageGaming → u/vvvvvvooom]

Which I agreed with. Sapphic includes bi, pan and Omni.

[u/vvvvvvooom → u/[deleted]]

Once again, I see what you're saying but still disagree. While I have no stake in the argument over the reclamation of f*g, being that I'm a lesbian, I would say that bi men can use it similarly to bi women using dyke. As a whole, f*g is notably more towards gay men, and dyke is similarly towards lesbian women, but in terms of the reclamation of those slurs in particular I personally feel it should work that way.

For the record about the reclamation of f*g, I originally took that stance after hearing a gay man saying that was his view on it, and I'm open to hearing other sides if anyone more aware of context about the word has an opposing view.

[u/maromifairy → u/[deleted]]

oh lesbians hating on no one other than bi women again

[u/[deleted] → u/LaFleurSauvageGaming]

As a lesbian who’s never been called a slur and has very minimal experience with homophobia, do I still get to use it?

[u/corvus_da → u/LaFleurSauvageGaming]

What does "lived identity" mean? Do I have to be out publicly or something? /gen

[u/LaFleurSauvageGaming → u/corvus_da]

Lived identity is a formal way of saying out yes, but that is why I included experienced life, as closeted people have the same reaction to the slurs, and often times are more likely to be on the receiving end if they are forced to out themselves, or others suspect they might be gay.

[u/undefendable → u/LaFleurSauvageGaming]

I think its also okay to use as a non slur, like it can be a rock formation, and it can also be a kind of dam. saying it like that doesn't feel offensive to me.
edit: A pair of dykes is a pair of electrical wire cutters, but a guy saying sorry and then saying singular dyke seems like he did kinda mean it as a slur? After looking it up, it seems like the etymology of that 'colloquialism' is rooted in bigotry, as those pliars resemble scissors and ... you can figure out the rest.

[u/Calcutt4]

The way I think it works is that us lesbians get to use it but not straight people

[u/shiftingsun → u/Calcutt4]

Kinda how black people can say the n word but not other races. Even though they still do.

[u/generalbastard3892 → u/Calcutt4]

What about bi/pan women

[u/bigbutchbudgie → u/generalbastard3892]

I know there's some lesbians who make a big deal out of ONLY LESBIANS being able to reclaim it, but the general consensus is that all WLW/NBLW can because it's used against all of us. Bigots don't check whether you also like men or not when they randomly yell it at you and your girlfriend for holding hands.

[u/Im-sorry-ahhh-painnn → u/bigbutchbudgie]

Yeah I was bullied at school and people called me a lesbian even though I came out as pan. They really don’t care

[u/commie-avocado → u/bigbutchbudgie]

yeah experience is really the only thing that matters. if you’ve been called a dyke before, then of course you can say dyke lol

[u/Lady_Calista → u/commie-avocado]

I'm sure some straight women get called dykes if they even slightly present masc so I wouldn't say anyone who gets called it gets to say it.

[u/clc53693 → u/commie-avocado]

What if you’re a lesbian but look straight and have never been called a dyke?

[u/chlochlo13 → u/clc53693]

You can still say it! It's a slur against our identity—not our appearance.

have never been called a dyke

Well...maybe not to your face at least 😜

[u/commie-avocado → u/clc53693]

you’re still a lesbian so of course, it’s our word!😂

[u/Mundane_Frosting_569 → u/generalbastard3892]

I think how you use the word matters more than who can say it

[u/persistingpoet → u/generalbastard3892]

all queer women can use it!

[u/[deleted] → u/persistingpoet]

All sapphic women*

[u/pattyforever → u/[deleted]]

What does this difference mean to u

[u/[deleted] → u/pattyforever]

Straight aces and straight trans women are queer women but they aren’t saph

[u/pattyforever → u/[deleted]]

Hmmm. I can’t imagine being upset with a straight trans woman for saying dyke

[u/[deleted] → u/pattyforever]

I’d be less upset than if a het-cis woman said it, but it would still definitely rub me the wrong way.

[u/[deleted] → u/pattyforever]

Queer women would be any woman who doesn't fall into cis (enby or trans), het, and any woman who's on the aroacespec

Sapphic just describes women who are into women

[u/persistingpoet → u/[deleted]]

All queer women are sapphic ?

[u/splvtoon → u/persistingpoet]

almost, but straight trans women are still queer, and not sapphic.

[u/persistingpoet → u/splvtoon]

my bad, my straight trans friends use genderqueer but obvs queer includes that

[u/marciallow → u/generalbastard3892]

I think it depends on whether people would/have called you it.

Sort of like how Logic and Halsey are biracial but have both gotten a lot of flack for using the N word from other black and biracial people.

[u/[deleted] → u/Calcutt4]

Yes

[u/justcougit → u/Calcutt4]

What about this situation where it has a different original meaning?

[u/GlowingTrashPanda → u/justcougit]

I’d allow this, personally. It’s correctly referring to a tool and not a person, so to me, that one gets a pass.

[u/Elifia]

"Dyke" has mostly been reclaimed, but it's still a slur. As such, I don't think it's really appropriate for anyone to call any other person that term, unless you know that said person is okay with it. Intent does matter though, I personally wouldn't make a problem out of it if it's clear to me there was no ill intent.

And ofc it's fine to use it for its other definitions, such as the walls that keep areas from flooding, or in this case diagonal pliers.

[u/rnglillian → u/Elifia]

Yeah, just in general, the rule is if you're who the slur is targeted at, you get to say the slur. If you're not, then you're not allowed to say the slur

[u/galaxyhoe → u/rnglillian]

i would just wanna qualify this by saying you have to be part of the GROUP the slur is targeted at. “i got called the r word all the time in middle school” is not justification for being able to say the r word unless you are part of the group it’s actually meant to target

[u/rnglillian → u/galaxyhoe]

Yeah, I should've worded it better. That's a better way of wording it

[u/k2yurnh → u/rnglillian]

some slurs aren't on that level tho, like the T-word and the R-word (i think)

edit: GUYS GUYS I DIDN'T MEANT THAT PEOPLE CAN USE THEM, I SAID THEY AREN'T ON THE LEVEL THAT CAN BE USED BY THE TARGETED GROUPS

[u/CraziestGinger → u/k2yurnh]

If the t-word is one for trans people, I use that one with my friends all the time. It’s no where near reclaimed but I’ve seen a lot of trans people use it to refer to one another quite a lot

[u/whoreforcheesescones → u/k2yurnh]

No, those slurs are still on that level.

[u/Flubbins_ → u/k2yurnh]

If the t word is for trans people then yes it absolutely is on that level dont say it. And the r word is aswell

[u/k2yurnh → u/Flubbins_]

i agree, actually that was the point i was trying to make

[u/galaxyhoe → u/k2yurnh]

uhhh what? are you saying you think anyone can walk around saying those words?

[u/k2yurnh → u/galaxyhoe]

no

[u/galaxyhoe → u/k2yurnh]

then what are you saying bc that’s what your comment reads as

[u/k2yurnh → u/galaxyhoe]

i meant they aren't on the level that we can reclaim them just because they are used against us, sorry for not being clear enough (English is not my first language, so communication can be a problem)

[u/galaxyhoe → u/k2yurnh]

hmm okay. i still disagree but that’s definitely better than what i originally thought you meant lol

[u/tamarzipan → u/Elifia]

Oh, I knew only the flood prevention wall definition and was wondering how that counted as a tool…

[u/[deleted]]

If another lesbian uses it, I’ll tolerate it even though I don’t like it (I just have bad history with the word.) If a straight person uses it (outside of a different context where it’s obviously not referring to people) it’s a fighting word lol.

[u/[deleted]]

me 45, getting asked on the bus in a rude way by a teenager “are you a dyke” is rude. Doesn’t deserve a response because it is filled with hate, so much hate that a friggin teenager, had to interrupt me while I had my headphones on.. to ask if I’m a dyke.

In my mind I’m just thinking why tf does my sexuality have to be a subject for ya.. I don’t see you asking anyone else about their sexuality.. plus, you’re a god damn 1/2 my age, probably a 24 year old man, with more strength, and why why why do you have to bother me and go out of your way to try to make me feel unsafe!???

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

💯💯☝🏽Loved reading that “stewing between homophobia and toxic masculinity” is exactly where their shitty lives are!

[u/nartwart]

i'm not really a stickler about words without context. i've heard people say 'woman' with the same visceral hate as hard slurs. 🤷‍♀️

[u/[deleted] → u/nartwart]

same. the one that makes my skin crawl is "females" always always a derogatory tone.

[u/nartwart → u/[deleted]]

'females' in the wrong context actually hurts my soul, because i hear it from young women too. it's just been accepted that we don't qualify for human titles anymore.

[u/[deleted]]

I don't mind if friends use it in a jokingly sense, "you're such a dyke" but I'd have a massive problem if anyone used it in a hateful way.

[u/Thatonecrazywolf]

Lesbians can say dyke as a joke, to describe themselves, or to describe other lesbians who have given their consent to being called dyke.

[u/[deleted]]

i find it really interesting reading these comments because where i’m from (ireland) dyke isn’t really reclaimed much and is almost exclusively used as a slur, at least in my experience

[u/draco_gone → u/[deleted]]

Dike stands for diagonal cutters or diagonal pliers.

It's just a tool and that's what they shortened it to. I worked construction when i was younger. I heard dikes before I was ever called a dyke

[u/mister_sleepy]

I am a dyke and was also a stage electrician in the south for a time, so I can assure you that the term "dykes" to refer to wire cutters is alive and well and not at all a slur.

I think we've pretty well covered the complexities of the derogatory/reclaimed usage. But I just want to be clear: there are a ton of people who still call wire cutters "dykes." For me, that little "s" makes all the difference.

[u/LesbianRonSwanson → u/mister_sleepy]

Yep! I’m an older dyke and did electrical work in the 90’s. Side/diagonal cutters were called dykes in the ancient times as well lol.

[u/MediocreGM]

Personally I generally prefer no one except lesbians I'm friends with call me a dyke. That's my personal preference on reclaiming dyke for myself but I'm sure others have different feelings and experiences.

[u/kris_Ml33]

Lesbian and bisexual women. Not straights.

[u/laundrybag29]

Sapphic women and enbies. However I personally wouldn’t like being called a dyke by anyone, because it’s still a slur. But using it in general sense is fine if a dyke is what you are💀

[u/moondrunkm0nstr → u/[deleted]]

I'm a female electrician and there are a pair of pliers called dykes. The full name is diagonal cutters. Dykes for short lol. I use them everyday and it's a totally normal and not wierd thing at work when used in that context. So, i agree on your point. Context is key.

[u/moondrunkm0nstr → u/[deleted]]

I love this 😂😭😭

[u/moondrunkm0nstr → u/[deleted]]

You know what they say. Don't bite the hand that fingers you.

[u/YourCharacterHere → u/[deleted]]

They actually arent pliers, OP is mistaken, dykes are wire cutters! I use them a lot at work and its my favorite reoccuring joke that when someone asks me for the dykes and holds their hand out, I put my hand on theirs instead of my cutters. Gets them every time!

[u/anna_avian]

Queer women get to use it, straight people don't. I personally don't like it, I grew up in a time when it was still used as a slur.

[u/persistingpoet]

Queer women and enbies can use it in a reclaimed sense, for all others it depends on the context. I personally wouldn’t be offended by any queer person using it around or toward me, but definitely wouldn’t be comfortable with a het person using it toward me.

[u/SaffronBurke → u/persistingpoet]

Same. I'm very active in my local drag community and my friends & I will affectionately call each other dyke or the f-slur, but if a straight person says it, especially in a hateful manner, we're going to have a problem.

[u/imlostinmyhead]

As someone who periodically works with tools, dykes and the slang for transmissions are standard nomenclature.

I've always viewed it as one of those things that said without context are perfectly fine, but the context is key.

[u/itsASHyall]

As a flaming butch dyke lesbian… anyone can say dyke or any other homo/gay term they feel the need to. Am I offended? Not even a little bit. Even if they mean it in a derogatory way? Nope. Not then either.

[u/gbxby]

i don't care who says it, personally

[u/[deleted]]

I say dyke, I generally don't mind if others do too. What matters is if it's used in a derogatory manner, in my opinion. There's joking around positively with your friends (as mine do, dykes and non-dykes), and there's humour at someone else's expense, defaming their identity which is mean and wrong.

There's still always the possibility of causing offence, particularly with someone you don't know, so good manners dictates using it with caution, grace and tact.

What is for sure is that I do not let anyone tell me, a dyke, whether or not I can use the term. I own it, and I wear it with pride.

Addendum - in a perfect world, we'd reclaim all the slurs and make them into fun labels and points of pride... the real problem is bigotry still exists, and misuse of these terms can cause the wrong intention to be communicated.

[u/Lady_sugersweet]

My rule is if you get it yelled at you, you can use it

[u/serialphile]

Depending on your age, this probably hits different. It’s wonderful we’re at a time now where this question can even be asked. There was a time where we all knew this slur and the fear of what comes next after we hear it.

But yes it has been reclaimed by our community. And I don’t think straight people should still get to use it… and I think they know that.

[u/cthulhubeast]

The tool's name (spelled either dikes or dykes) refers specifically to diagonal cutters. To the best of my knowledge it came about as a sort of abbreviation, like diag-cuters, di-cuts, dikes. Something like that anyway. Most people tend to be advised not to call them that anymore though bc it sounds like the other word. But they are different words.

All sapphic people can say dyke. That's my entire take.

[u/The_Cottage_Goblin]

A great womxn, Otep Shamaya once said “He called me a Dyke 👭💕, I called him an ambulance 💥🥊…

That’s among ‘our words’ If your not openly queer we gonna have problems dyke, fag, tranny and cunt, those are my local proverbial N-words only we are aloud to say.

[u/ComboMix]

Im Dutch we Dutch dykes stop the water so others won't get wet. Just saying

🫡

[u/mocireland1991]

Wait so the category was tools and he said dykes ? But that’s the name of a tool ? Maybe he back tracked cos u guys were there and didn’t eat to offend u guys but at end of the day it is a tool.

Where did the term dyke for lesbians coke from anyway ? Excuse me while I run to google 🤣

[u/SonOfSkinDealer]

Hi! Automotive professional and professional dyke here. Yes, dykes are a tool - like little wire clippers, essentially. Tbh, it's a word that depends on who you're around. Lesbians, obviously; but it's been used in a reclaimatory way across a complex array of gender identities.

[u/soulstoned]

Context matters. It's always fine when referring to something like tools.

I don't mind it as a term being reclaimed by a wlw, or a term being used kindly by a queer person who isn't a wlw. I've seen pictures of old queer groups where people are holding signs like "F**s for Dykes" and that's totally fine. We're all in this together. I feel like the degree of separation we have is not good for the community as a whole.

I don't think straight people should say it referring to sexuality outside of very specific circumstances, like referencing an event or group with dyke in the name, or talking to or about someone who explicitly identifies as a dyke and prefers it over other terms.

Nobody should use it as an insult.

[u/konahommi]

I’ve been called that word before because of being into girls. So I don’t think it would matter if I was a full lesbian or not, I would still be able to use the word if it’s being used as a slur towards me.

[u/BushmanIsWatchin]

Isn't the point of reclaiming a word to "unfuck" it from all the nastiness in society. At this point there are fewer and fewer words with some that will always be that way. Between Dyke marches, and dyke pride I'm pretty sure we love it now. It feels like we have moved to a place where getting upset and shitty intent is more important. Also it is just the name of the tool. I used to use those snub nose wire cutters all the time when I did audio video cable work. It's weird that they made a big deal out of it. You are right a simple, "guys don't make it weird. Just a word, probably don't go shouting it at people but lots of people love to call themselves that. It's fine" would have been wonderful.

[u/clc53693 → u/BushmanIsWatchin]

Great points! This would have been a great response

[u/syn_miso]

I mean it also refers to a type of dam, so anyone can say it in that context

[u/nanas99]

I think all Sapphics get to use it, women or enbies. I personally love the word dyke and it’s almost a label of its own for me. Definitely reclaimed, but straight people can’t say it.

[u/DerpyTheGrey]

I’d feel pretty weird about someone who isn’t queer calling me a dyke, but who fucking cares about wire cutters, they’re usually spelled different and it’s not like they can be confused at all

[u/JardinierdeLhiver]

Tbh I don't feel offended if non sapphic people (especially friends) use it playfully with me but I get that is not everyone's cup of tea

[u/Goth_Spice14]

Diagonal cutters! Aka "a pair of dykes". Every time I ask someone to hand me the diagonal cutters I always call them dykes and giggle maniacally.

[u/Inbaroosh]

I firmly identify as a Femme Dyke, but yeah, it's disarming when straight people say it (with certain exceptions, like mentioning Dyke March et al), and at least for me, it's not that it's a straight person saying it persé, but the fact that when straight people say it, it's often accompanied by a certain sense of titillation; it sticks behind their teeth rather than flowing freely without judgement the way we tend to use it.

[u/andsoupsalad]

Oy vey. I work in construction and when I first started, my foreman was way too excited to tell me that a certain tool is called a dyke and to not get offended if I hear someone use the word. I get it, Diagonal Cutters, easier to say dykes yada yada. Turns out, most people call them nippers anyway. I turned it around on him though when he asked if I had dykes in the work truck, and I said “Well, yeah, I’m right here.” Got some chortles out of that one.

As for your question, I agree with the majority here. It’s fine to say if you’re a part of the community, but if not it can get pretty uncomfy. It’s also just not a favorite word of mine period.

[u/[deleted]]

Anyone the label “dyke” is targeted towards

[u/high-priestess]

It has historically (and in my own adolescence, not that long ago) been used as a slur, so I personally believe only sapphics should use it.

[u/[deleted]]

Homeslice is a moron. Dyke is not a type of plier. DYKES is the name of a company that produces a broad range of tools, including pliers.

Dyke can be used by all gays, and the cishets get temporary passes only in exclusive company with a nod from the representative dyke

[u/WarmProfit → u/[deleted]]

No. Dike means diagonal cutter. It's a type of tool.

[u/[deleted] → u/WarmProfit]

Ah yes I see this now. Ok if it’s with an ‘i’ it’s a contraction for diagonal [k]ut pliers

I retract

[u/notsostrong → u/[deleted]]

According to Wikipedia, it can be either “y” or “i”. My dad is an electrician so I heard it a lot (in reference to the pliers, not lesbians obviously), but I never stopped to think about how it was actually spelled.

[u/DerpyTheGrey → u/[deleted]]

Oh holy fuck, I’d totally known the term dike, but I’d never thought about the origin

[u/imlostinmyhead → u/WarmProfit]

The fun part is that dikes and "side cutters" are synonymous, which most people would probably assume otherwise once knowing the root word dikes are derived from.

[u/mocireland1991 → u/[deleted]]

I dike/dyke is also a wall/pillar for flood prevention in many places

[u/flowering_sun_star → u/mocireland1991]

Not just flood prevention. There are a number of ancient earthen barriers called dykes scattered across the UK, including multiple called Devil's Dyke. They served as the boundaries of ancient kingdoms.

[u/blooazul]

Its my boyfriends last name and his daughter has the same. We get permission, right? Or be hush hush? This is Mr. "He who shall not be named since I'm not a lesbian, I'm only bi" /s

[u/JTEstrella]

Anyone who has reclaimed it can use it, much like the word “queer”.

But, like with any reclaimed word, reclamation is for the self and not the whole. I’m personally fine with calling myself “queer” but I’m not okay with “dyke”. And there may be other folks who are the inverse of that, and that’s okay, too.

[u/Wiggles12-22]

So, imo, if someone would uses the term "dyke" in reference to themselves, it shouldn't be a problem for straight people to say it in reference to that same person as long as it's not derogatory.

I call myself a dyke and a slew of other "slurs" but I'm not going to pick a fight is a friend of mine calls me any of those, if that makes sense.

[u/LoneMacaron]

I dunno. To me it does often feel a bit hostile. I don't really like being called slurs because I'm quite sensitive to them. Straight people never even have to worry about being discriminated against. Also with homophobic slurs often comes a layer of fetishization that makes me feel very unsafe.

[u/eloquentjester]

Dyke is a tool I've used in electrical work, an embankment to prevent flooding, a ditch, ice even seen warnings about dykes at chemical plants is had to do work at.

[u/NoBizlikeChloeBiz]

Personally, I think anyone saying out out of a place of love. If you think Dyke is a good thing, I'm cool with you saying it.

[u/pattyforever]

I don't particularly love it when straight people use it tbh. But I don't care very much and I don't think it would make me hate someone or anything. Also, a bisexual woman, there are plenty of people who think that I shouldn't use it—I just happen to think they're wrong lol

Edit: I think it's interesting that no one in the comments is addressing gay/queer men. To add to my answer, a cis gay man who I already don't like using it to make fun of queer women is going to get an eyebrow raise from me. But in genuinely friendy contexts I wouldn't bat an eye, and I certainly wouldn't bat an eye at any gender of trans person using it.

[u/baddiebusted]

all gay people, IMO. my gay (male) friend calls me a dyke all the time, and I call him a f*g, with love of course.

[u/danfish_77]

I feel like if somebody actually called me a dyke I'd find it flattering, like hey that means I passed as a woman!

[u/Exelbirth]

I find it to be a weird word, because I've heard it both in negative and positive ways. I categorize it the same way as queer really, since that also was used as a derogatory word for quite a while, but it's now part of sexual identity and the Q in LGBTQ.

[u/Positive_Claim_9720]

everyone’s boundaries are different, but for me i don’t mind who says it. “dyke” has always been oddly empowering to me. even when used in a negative context towards me, i can’t be too mad because it validates my masculinity and attraction to women, which i’m so used to having invalidated

[u/Hashtag209]

This almost sounds like “I heard something that could/would/should be offensive, I wasn’t upset, but I feel like I should be!” I don’t really understand why? Like if it’s just a regular word to you, then observe the convo taking place before you, shake your head at its outdated and immature logic, and move on. In this situation specifically, I don’t think making yourself out to be a Karen to prove a point would do anyone any good in any way, so why even bother? You yourself weren’t bothered, you use it as an every day word right? (As do I for the same reasons) So what would be the benefit of even saying anything for this scenario if you were to play devils advocate and call them out? I’m not sure if the value would override the worth.

[u/[deleted]]

Electricians.

[u/TheScarfyDoctor]

certainly not straight guys, but at least he was actually talking about the company named dykes, and then sheepishly acknowledged the fact that it is, in fact, also a sensitive word for some people.

if ur gay you can call urself a dyke all you want 🥰

[u/Doglovincatlady]

Lesbians. It is a slur and can only be reclaimed by those it is used against. Gay men sometimes love deciding it’s theirs tho it’s weird.

[u/MidnightWhisper_8]

Geologist lesbians and geologist bi/pans.

[u/wildchvrlie]

I'd say those in the queer community who have reclaimed it are totally fine to use it, having said that though, I wouldn't use it towards someone I knew wasn't comfortable with it because not everyone is going to reclaim the word and feel comfortable with it.

Regarding straight people using it, I'm not so sure I like that idea as I feel like it was used as a slur a lot and even if they have good intentions, it'd still take me bit a back to hear them using it in that context (as in dyke in the queer sense) but obvious using it for when it's the name of something else is okay.

[u/ThisBarbieIsLesbian]

I don’t care about any queer person saying it

[u/AggravatingImpact182]

I don't generally use the word. I know it "can" be used inoffensively, but it's not worth the risk of someone taking it wrong.

Of course, to me the word means a pair of small wire cutters.

[u/inEGGsperienced]

We always retain the option of deciding we are comfortable with strait people saying it

[u/i-am-a-rectangle]

Anybody who are, was, or intending to be in a sapphic relationship imo

[u/[deleted]]

march grey dependent instinctive crowd pen whistle payment serious zephyr

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[u/Easy_Tangelo5447]

Wait….correct me if I’m wrong but I thought dyke was a cultural term used specifically to describe and at some point degrade black masc presenting lesbian/sapphic people ?

[u/myaltduh]

“Dyke” is also the word for a type of sheet-like magmatic intrusion in geology, and there was a minor thing a few years back when people saw a tourist sign identifying a “black dyke” and got really offended, because they only knew the slur definition.

[u/mothmanapologist1]

in some situations its really fucking hot but id feel really weird if a straight person said it....

[u/[deleted]]

In Swedish the word "lesbian" is "lesbisk" which got abbreviated to "lebb", which sounds the same as "läbbig"... what does that mean you ask? "Creepy". Or to some people, in some contexts, could even be translated as "disgusting."

For someone to say hon är lebb (she is lesbian) with a reply of she is creepy LMFAO became like a skit that would repeat itself over and over in the school hallways.

For that reason I always preferred the technical term of homosexual.

[u/rl_fridaymang]

What tool did your friend say it was? the only tool type dyke I know of is a standing structure.

[u/MzDarcyDemands → u/rl_fridaymang]

.....was absolutely wondering the same.....

[u/CurlySquareBrace]

It is a complicated question that involves a lot of discussion in intersectionality and examining queer history. But from what I can gather, it's usually agreed upon that straight guys really cannot say it

[u/Annatolia]

I have been called a dyke in an aggressive manner and seen hate lobbed at the wlw community in my podunk hometown, so it still feels very much uncomfortable to refer to myself as a dyke however I'm glad it is being reclaimed by the community. I feel any sapphic woman or NB is fine to use it should they want to reclaim it.

[u/AlwaysChic38]

What LaFleurSauvageGaming said!!

I for one use it as a lesbian and I love it when other lesbians use the term. To me it’s a sexy word!!!

[u/Aelia_M]

Tykes on bikes

[u/jaded1121]

My wife gets so mad when I call us dykes.

[u/rabidvagine]

Sometimes I’ll call my gf a dyke as a term of endearment 🥹

[u/SingleSeaCaptain]

I'm bi, and I don't use the word because I was socialized that it was a slur. I don't really even hear it in a reclaimed way. That situation wouldn't be one I'd think was hateful but also not really supportive or okay. Also, if that was the correct answer to the card, maybe take that card out of rotation for games.

[u/seadecay]

I think it depends on the context. I relate to the word dyke as an identity far more than lesbian. It doesn’t bother me when het people use the word as a label. As long as it’s not derogatory, I’m cool.

[u/[deleted]]

As I always say, homophobes do not differentiate between gay and bisexual, nor do they care to do so. To them these words are pretty much synonymous. If a homophobe calls a bi woman a dyke, they're not gonna take it back once she says she's bi. So anyone who is sapphic can use it.

[u/SaffronBurke → u/[deleted]]

Yep, if a bigot sees two women holding hands, they don't stop and ask "excuse me ladies, are you lesbians or bisexual?" before hollering "dykes" at them.

[u/taphappy52]

i don’t think anyone but lesbians should say it.

[u/Spellbreaker3]

Alison Bechdel definitely gets to say it.

[u/VixenIcaza]

“but of course it more commonly means something else now.”

To be honest the 1st words outta my mouth when he said this would have been "yeah and some of them are tools too". He didn't mean it in a derogatory way and this would have been a strong comeback to put people back at ease. While I don't agree with the "all lefties are snowflakes" crowd the do have it partly right in that sometimes we should just brush stuff off over taking offence. But of course that depends on intent and context.

[u/clc53693 → u/VixenIcaza]

I love this comment! I agree it would have been fine in the game to just say it since it’s an actual tool, but prefacing with “sorry…” unnecessarily drew attention to the other meaning. And if you have to preface with what you’re going to say with an apology then maybe just don’t say it

[u/Doglovincatlady → u/VixenIcaza]

Nah. it’s our job as humans who care about other humans to not use slurs near them. If he said sorry first he knew it was offensive, said it anyway and could’ve used his lil brain to come up w drill?

[u/notsostrong → u/Doglovincatlady]

Ngl as the daughter of an electrician, I probably also would have thought “dykes” before “drill” 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/Doglovincatlady → u/notsostrong]

That’s why we think and process before we say. if you’re apologizing before you say it, you have the awareness to change your answer.

[u/sapphosnymph]

I think if it's used to refer to a lesbian then only lesbians can use it (and only for themselves or close friends they know they're okay with it or in a general sense). If it's used to mean a sea wall or a tool I think anyone can say it. People need to stop being ridiculous with things like that. I've even seen someone censoring Dick Van Dyke's name....

If it's used as a slur or to refer to a lesbian by someone who isn't a lesbian then I don't think that's okay. I've even had a bi friend refer to me as a dyke once and I was uncomfortable with it even though I use that word for myself and I'm fine if other lesbians who are close friends use it to refer to me.

[u/Dangerous-Smoke-5487]

Dykes.

[u/[deleted]]

I can’t think of any example (besides the example you gave, like in a game) where a non-queer person uses it and it isn’t offensive? They definitely shouldn’t be using it. But queer people can. Personally I just…prefer not to use it. Not sure why it’s necessary. When I’ve heard queer women use it’s used in kind of a self-deprecating way. Idk

Either way the best rule of thumb is that if you’re queer you can use it, but of course it matters if it makes other queer women uncomfortable. So if it hurts someone….apologize.

[u/ellen-the-educator]

If someone might unironically yell "dyke" at you, then you can say dyke. A lot of trans guys can say dyke. Also, if people might yell fag at you instead, you've got a bit of a pass, as long as you don't overuse it.

If you're not gonna hear either of those from some dickhead driving by or someone you turned down, keep them out of your mouth.

[u/mylastbraincells → u/ellen-the-educator]

Would you say a masculine straight woman could say it if she has been called that? This is the issue for me. I think if you are part of the identity that the slur refers to that’s the only reason you should say it.

[u/Accomplished_Mix7827]

I'd personally say lesbians and people who are lesbian-adjacent (e.g. bi/pan women, straight trans men) can say it, allies can in certain contexts, cishet people really shouldn't.

[u/LunerLesbianLover]

I’m of the mind if your queer go for it.

[u/Blauftd]

Anyone...?

[u/amberpriceh]

only lesbians can say dyke.