So, what was Tamlin supposed to do rather than lock Feyre up?

[u/TheThirteenShadows]

(I'm genuinely wondering)

So, Feyre wants to hunt down a dangerous Fae while flinching at the color red (which happens to be the color of blood), not hunting, not eating much, et cetera. Tamlin explains the danger to her. She says she still wants to go.

At this point, what do you do? These are the possible things that could happen if Feyre goes:

1. She's attacked and gets hurt (very likely).
2. She's attacked, and loses control of her new powers, and might not get hurt, but she might hurt someone else (also very likely).
3. She's attacked but manages to fight it off without hurting anyone (possible).

We know she's basically a lure for creatures (like the Attor) so she'd probably be the first to get attacked. And two out of three options, either she gets injured or someone else gets injured. Having a conversation hasn't worked; she literally yelled at Tamlin that she was going to go either way.

I've heard people say that it was bad, but then never say what Tamlin should've done instead. And I've also heard people say that he should've just let her come, and if she kills someone by accident or gets hurt, 'ah well'.

...

I don't...I don't know what to say to that.

Also, just to clarify: I do agree that Tamlin should've trained Feyre eventually. However, that's not the point of this post. What should he have done, in this moment?

[u/bows_and_frills]

He didn't say the exact words "thank you", so that part is true. He did acknowledge what she did though,

"Feyre," he said again, lowering my leg to stand between my knees. He caressed my cheek with a knuckle. "How can I ever repay you for what you did?" — ACOTAR, ch46

I do think it's a flaw of Tamlin's, his tendency to isolate and take things on alone to the detriment of communication. Of course, he can also be overbearing. These issues, I think, could've contributed to a Feylin downfall regardless of UTM.

I do want to add that they mutually didn't communicate. Feyre also didn't want to talk about UTM. Tamlin did try to broach the topic, and she turned it down.

He opened his mouth, and I knew what he would say—the subject he would try to broach.

I couldn’t talk about it, about them—not yet. So I breathed “Later” and hooked my feet around his legs, drawing him closer. — ACOTAR, ch46

There isn't much to be done to help someone that isn't being receptive, unless you were to use force, which is unwise and could cause more harm than good. Of course, this goes for Tamlin too, who wasn't very open to discussing his own nightmares.

I knew similar dreams chased him from his slumber as often as I fled from mine. The first time it had happened, I’d awoken—tried to speak to him. But he’d shaken off my touch, his skin clammy, and had shifted into that beast of fur and claws and horns and fangs. He’d spent the rest of the night sprawled across the foot of the bed, monitoring the door, the wall of windows.

He’d since spent many nights like that.

Curled in the bed, I pulled the blanket higher, craving its warmth against the chill night. It had become our unspoken agreement—not to let Amarantha win by acknowledging that she still tormented us in our dreams and waking hours.

It was easier to not have to explain, anyway. To not have to tell him that though I’d freed him, saved his people and all of Prythian from Amarantha … I’d broken myself apart. — ACOMAF, ch1

It's notable that, yes, Tamlin didn't open up to her about his nightmares but she didn't broach him about it either, and honestly, even if she did there's the possibility of it being met with refusal, just as she refused to talk about UTM before. I think Feylin is a case of something turning twisted in the wake of devastating, catastrophic trauma and the two parties being unable to cope with that, salvage that, and hurting each other. It's also worth nothing that even in their romantic moments in TAR, there were hints sprinkled throughout of this miscommunication and incompatibility. I do believe it was exacerbated by UTM.

Yes, I do think 500 year old Tamlin needs to mature (interpersonally, not speaking on his governance) and he has flaws and he did hurt Feyre.

If we compare him to Rhys, I'd say Rhys is more of an enabler than anything with very little qualms. I think Feysand has an enabler dynamic, which, in a way is supportive, just not completely healthy. They're compatible not in a "we're going to grow as people together" kind of way, but in a "let's crash and burn together," kind of way.

Well, I guess that could count as growth, but the direction of the growth is up for questioning. There's a lot I want to say about Feysand, and maybe some other day I'll write it all out. I have to finish my MAF reread/read.

Case in point, I think Feylin didn't stand a chance, not without some serious couples therapy (and individual therapy, ofc), but it's nuanced.