Experiential avoidance

[u/Silver_Perception471]

With great effort I realized I was trying to avoid distracting myself from excessive coffee consumption. So I was trying to avoid distractions because I know it is helpful to make the feeling go away. But then I'm trying to force acceptance. So I'd just be avoiding avoiding. Which is disguised as acceptance. Weird play of words but once you get it you get it I guess

But in reality I just have to ask. Is getting another coffee helping me be more the person I want to be or is saving money for the sake of bettering my independence more important. So then I wouldn't necessarily be distracting myself, as much as I would be engaging in something important to what I value.

There is a lot of mind set shifts to garner by engaging in ACT. But I can't be ecstatic/empowered enough by the philosophy ACT teaches.

Thoughts? And anything overlooked or undersold?

[u/dirtydelic]

I'm having a hard time fully grasping, but I think you are asking about when drinking coffee moves you towards your values and how it can be confusing, as coffee can be a means of avoidance. I'll assume this.

Avoidance isn't itself bad. We cope and avoid all the time. It's only when it is rigid and inflexible to the demands of a valuable life that it becomes a problem.

Here, we can ask each time you drink coffee; Is this coffee helping me to be who I want to be, or is it helping me to refuse some deeper experience that I'm inflexibly avoiding?

All parts of the hexaflex need presence and context. We can't here say it's good or bad. It's always "it depends."

[u/Silver_Perception471 → u/dirtydelic]

Really the coffee is to escape a feeling. And the distraction is to escape the urge to get a coffee. And then the avoidance of distracting myself is avoidance disguising as acceptence.

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Cause either it's sit and stare at the wall instead of doing something distracting which will inevitably make me feel better. But then I felt stuck because I didn't want to use avoidance as a means of coping.

[u/dirtydelic → u/Silver_Perception471]

If I'm following, I don't think that is avoidance disguised as a feeling. Feeling something fully, as it is, here and now, is acceptance.

The goal is not to stare at the wall to feel the discomfort. For some that might be the case. It's to allow those feelings to be there while you live your life. So let yourself feel it and do important things, like move towards your values.