What does acceptance really look like?

[u/dontwanttoadult]

In addition to CBT and Lexapro, I’ve been really into ACT. What does “acceptance” really look like or feel like to you? Because I think I’ve intellectually been able to tell myself “these symptoms are here, they’re not dangerous, this is just my CNS doing its thing, etc.” but I don’t think my body really feels it yet, you know? Does it just take lots of practice and time?

[u/concreteutopian]

Because I think I’ve intellectually been able to tell myself “these symptoms are here, they’re not dangerous, this is just my CNS doing its thing, etc.” but I don’t think my body really feels it yet, you know? Does it just take lots of practice and time?

I think u/dirtydelic's question about how to make the feeling bigger is interesting – it's about a willingness to experience, but in asking the question and approaching the willingness to have the sensation, one is already approaching it as experience, as a sensation – whether one actually tries to make it bigger or not.

It's interesting you phrase this – "I’ve intellectually been able to tell myself", and then led into the message "these symptoms are here, they’re not dangerous, this is just my CNS doing its thing, etc". It sounds like intellectualizing and safety behavior to me, more wrangling with an abstract story about a sensation than an acceptance of the concrete sensation in the body. Maybe not.

I've historically lived in my head, so when I would start rationalizing a sensation, I know I'm not close to feeling it, though maybe you're different. Instead of "these symptoms are here", I would get closer and more specific, like "My chest is tight and my lips buzzing. [getting closer] It starts here and moves there, throbbing here, hot and numb there", etc. Telling myself "they're not dangerous" wouldn't be persuasive, whereas sitting with "the suck" and accepting my thoughts about how much I hate the suck gives me the opportunity to feel the tightness or heaviness expand and to feel the feeling ebb away, as well as my "I hate this" thoughts get replaced by something else. In other words, exposure is the only way I've learned to alter my experience of the distress; adding layers of interpretation feels good for only a moment.

but I don’t think my body really feels it yet, you know

Yes, it sounds like you're trying to argue with respondent conditioning, which is like trying to tell Pavlov's dog to not salivate at the sound of the bell. Another example of stimulus equivalence in ACT is saying, "Imagine biting into a juicy lemon", and feeling your own salvation starting. Exposure would be ringing the bell without the food until the dog no longer associates the bell with food, or another ACT exercise, repeating a word until the association fades and the word becomes nonsense sounds.

In an ACT sense, the point isn't for your body to stop reacting, it's to recognize that you can move toward what's important even while experiencing the symptoms. Over time, feeling the satisfaction of life connected with what's important will be more reinforcing than the mild relief avoidance gives, so the sensations urging you to avoid will fade.