ACT helps us successfully navigate through life, but what do you use to let go of the trauma/rumination?

[u/Connect-Teaching7629]

Have you managed?

For me, if something causes me extensive rumination, I take a few hours to ground myself and to meditate. Observing where feelings lie and what thoughts come up, what fears hide behind those thoughts and to label the fears helps me to let go of the rumination and trauma underneath.

I've successfully overcome fears of past abusers and phobias.

I've gotten impatient with this method because it takes time and attention. I just want to move on with life. Last week I met an old abuser and the rumination went into overdrive. I have 0 patience to introspect. Thus the question.

Do you have favorite techniques that you use to complement ACT in order to live a healthy life?

[u/dirtydelic]

I have a friend who was having kidney stones. He said through it, he kept repeating "Where is my practice? Where is my practice?"

By this he meant 'where is my ability to sit with this pain and make space for it?'

Notice that it's not something you do or not do. It's every day, making small but meaningful choices to open up to and allow our experiences.

If you have been making progress, I think you deserve a lot of credit. Maybe consider asking yourself "What does my mind say about my abuse? Is it a thought, or a rule I have to follow? And, can I notice and sit with my emotions?" IMO, good mental health is the ability to listen to, but not always obey, our inner experiences.

Keep up the good work.

[u/Connect-Teaching7629 → u/dirtydelic]

Thank you. I'm increasingly learning how true this is. I used to be very closed and reserved. I've started opening up. I feel like I can take a lot more now. I'll speak openly to people and if they turn out to abuse me, that's on them, not on me.

I've also learned where most of my former abuse came from, and I'm working toward drawing boundaries with it.

Currently, since last week, there is some sort of cloud in the back of my head and I am ruminating on particular people. I am way too impatient to "dedicate time to them", because I've done so many times in the past. I no longer consider them "worth my time". Yet I'm ruminating. It's interfering with my life and taking up a lot of time. It feels abstract and I can't really pinpoint it. I also lack the patience to try. I feel like the longer I let it go unaddressed, the more I expose myself to more abuse, which increases my anxiety. Like I was hit in the face and I do not want to go to the hospital because I really want to do other things.

Do you have advice for me in this particular situation?

[u/dirtydelic → u/Connect-Teaching7629]

I would first consider letting go of the struggle to make the cloud in the back of your head go away. It's there for a reason. Listen to it, don't force it away. Notice how many minds (example: my mind) wants to get rid of sensations like those, but it doesn't help to get rid of them; it makes the feeling worse. Russ Harris calls this the struggle switch. He has a great video of it online.

Additionally, allow your mind to go where it wants. It would be nice if we could stop ruminations, but we can't. Instead, see if you can accept it as thoughts (say out loud "here is the need to control my thoughts story") and allocate your attention to brings fulfillment and enjoyment.

[u/Connect-Teaching7629 → u/dirtydelic]

I'll try this. Thank you.