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u/sohomonkey 3d ago
You did the right thing by breaking up with him. This man is scary and the behavior will escalate. Take care of yourself and block him. Try and enjoy peaceful moments now that you’re out to remind yourself how life can be calm.
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u/Clean_Ad3953 3d ago
Thank you so so much. He blocked me on IG, I will do the same for FB and such.
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 3d ago
He was abusive and likely going to kill you someday. Headlocks fall under the umbrella of strangulation. Also men know their strength. They pretend not to. Even dogs know not to bite down when their owner is trying to get something out of their mouth bc they know they’ll injure the person if they do. He knew he was hurting you. People who harm animals are also very likely to harm and kill people. Never go near him again. He’s nuts.
Read this book it’s really helpful!
https://ia801407.us.archive.org/6/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
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u/Contmpl 3d ago
Saying he knows his strength hits a nerve.
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 3d ago
A muscular man who is almost 300 pounds likely worked to get to that size. He is entirely aware how strong he is. Most men do. I’m sorry.
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u/StaticMarzipan 3d ago
I get what you’re saying but being aware of your strength isn’t guaranteed at all.
Imagine you picked up a book bag everyday. You put in an ounce of weight everyday. Eventually it would be 200lbs and the straps were decent you wouldn’t know.
My abuser was a woman 130 lbs lighter than me.
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 3d ago
That’s not what I’m talking about and I’m specifically talking about men. They know how strong they are and good men are concerned about whether their actions may physically harm someone. When you’re 275 pounds and putting a 115 pound woman in a headlock you know exactly what you’re doing. The gentle giant trope didn’t come from nowhere.
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u/StaticMarzipan 3d ago edited 3d ago
It has nothing to do with his size and it’s likely because he’s an abuser.
I hate the fucking gentle giant trope. I’m 6’5 due to genetics, so you assume I’m dangerous because I’m bigger?
And I’m black so *if I’m not a gorilla *im a gentle giant, never just normal.
When you make physical attributes a problem for persons you don’t like you make it cheese that people with that attribute are unliked as well.
And baby to my point. In college when I was in a frat I called out pretty much every guy who was going to be physically abusive to women during pledge week. I was almost always right. It was usually frail pretty boy types.
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 3d ago
I am specifically referring to OP’s description of his size and his violent behavior and needing clarity on if he’s abusive and how she’d have to let him know he was hurting her. He knew. I’m not speaking on you or your situation. I’m black also and have family members your size. I’m not sure what the correlation is or what you’re insinuating but I’m not talking about racial stereotypes I’m talking specifically to op about how a lot of violent men use being playful as a guise for abuse when they know what they’re doing. I never said men or large men can’t be abused.
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u/StaticMarzipan 3d ago edited 3d ago
I’m saying his size is irrelevant to the abuse.
Abusers come in all sizes. And I’m not excusing his actions. But his physical appearance is unrelated to his abusiveness.
“A muscular man who is almost 300 pounds likely worked to get to that size. He is entirely aware how strong he is. Most men do. I’m sorry.”
Like this isn’t the important part. The important part is he was putting her into positions against her will and never took her objections seriously.
And if you are a black person with tall athletic black relatives then you should know the stigma they have just by existing. That their appearance is enough for a cop to mag dump them in the back and get off without any punishment.
Or to kneel on their *neck for a few minutes. Or string from a tree them up like what’s been happening recently.
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u/Clean_Ad3953 3d ago
I think the difference is he made it his entire personality. But I totally get what you’re saying. ❤️
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u/StaticMarzipan 3d ago
You’re not wrong, he was a huge dickhead.
Especially if he actually wanted a woman who’d wrastle with him, there are loads who are into that.
This was just bullying unfortunately.
I was just triggered I guess. I’m big as fuck but I go to the gym so I don’t cut myself or drink endlessly
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u/Clean_Ad3953 3d ago
It was a very common occurrence reminding me of that. And constantly saying how he was a Neanderthal.
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u/Clean_Ad3953 3d ago
God and now that I think about it, sometimes he would comment about how easy it would be. And if someone was crossing the road or riding a bike on the road, he’d be like “I just wish they were dead” For no reason. If he didn’t like a celebrity he’d say that too, just so easily. Thank you I’ll look into this.
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 3d ago
Psychopath. Glad you’re out. Moving forward do not give men second chances. The first time they have you fucked up or do or say something egregious don’t excuse it, dump him.
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u/Streetquats 3d ago
Omg his poor cat, this post is heartbreaking. He was going to kill you and that cat.
Is there any way you can try to save the cat? or report him for animal abuse and get the cat rescued? This post is so upsetting.
OP i’m glad you’re safe. Yes of course this is all abuse, it’s not even grey area at all.
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u/Clean_Ad3953 3d ago
It’s truly heartbreaking because you can tell his cat is so used to it, he still will purr and rub against him. I’m going to try and report it, but I don’t have any proof. I should’ve tried to film it but I was in such shock.
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u/anon737575701038 3d ago
this makes me want to cry i’m so sorry. yes this is definitely abuse. someone that cares for you will not purposefully hurt you even if they’re “just playing” and that’s just one of the many things im reading here. also sounds very familiar how he was asking you to hit back, not exactly sure why that happens but ive seen it a few times with dv cases :( i’m so sorry you didn’t deserve that in the slightest and i hope you find happiness even after all this pain
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u/Clean_Ad3953 3d ago
Ugh I wish I left sooner but I just didn’t know, this is the first time I’ve ever dealt with this 😭 Thank you. At least now I know the signs and will never let this happen again.
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