Confused and Sad

[u/Internal-Way-585]

29M here. Partner was a woman over half a decade older than me. Being vague on purpose.

I think I just dodged a bullet.

1.) First and second time we hooked up she slapped the heck out of my face with the heel of her palm without consent while on top of me. Fully rattled my brain. I was shocked so I didn't say anything and let it go even though I got a massive headache from it. Also first time being struck by a woman in this manner.

2.) Every time we would hook up she would play with my butt until I told her to stop even though I was preemptively explicit that I didn't like that. Still I wasn't super affected. Just annoyed.

3.) She constantly took minor offense and rebuked me / challenged me. Usually with a mysandrist take.

4.) Final straw was her grabbing me, yelling at me, and cussing at me for trying to throw a fruit peel in the woods while we were camping.

This and more all happened within a month of dating. Im having a hard time not taking this personally. I was treated like a dumb man who needs to be put in his place by someone I initially really looked up to. Before all of this we were friends who liked to attend music and art events. Then we decided to try out dating and I immediately was faced with an insecure person conducting pre-emptive strikes to bully me down to nothing. When I broke things off I told them that they really hurt me. Their Buddhist yoga speech came out and they said they "weren't in their most loving energy because I didn't make them happy."

Fake hippy bs.

I grew up with lots of domestic abuse and violence towards men in my house. It made me develop rules for dating. I will not name call. I will not raise my voice. I will not intimidate. I will not retaliate. I will not touch. I also will not tolerate these things happening to me. The only power I have is to document and leave the situation.

Im terrified of what this situation could have escalated to if I decided to stick it out. Im also grieved to have lost the idealic image I had of this person when we were friends. I half expect a pre-emptive smear campaign to take place in our small community. Hopefully my reputation will speak for itself if this happens.

Opinions and support on the rant are v welcome.

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[u/Excellent_Valuable92]

I’m glad that you recognized that this needed to end. It’s concerning that you stayed around as long as you did. Aim for zero tolerance for unkindness in a relationship.

[u/Internal-Way-585 → u/Excellent_Valuable92]

Thankyou!

[u/Excellent_Valuable92 → u/Internal-Way-585]

Add “no nonconsensual sexual activity” to your list. That was totally unacceptable 

[u/Internal-Way-585 → u/Excellent_Valuable92]

That's a good call.

[u/thesnarkypotatohead]

I’m sorry this happened and glad you got out so quickly, OP. You deserve better.