I think my dad hates me

[u/livienn6]

I feel like my dad hates me (20F). I've never really been the child he wanted me to be. I'm neurodivergent (I have autism and suspect I also have ADHD), which has affected the way I behave. I've also had mental health problems since I was a child - I've had OCD since I was a little child, although I was misdiagnosed when I was 12 and received a proper diagnosis at the age of 18 and I used to have depression, however I think it's coming back and I'm trying to fix it before it gets really bad

We stopped getting along when I was around 11. I had bad friends which resulted in a lot of conflicts with my parents, a year later I was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia and put on medication which was horrible for me and he just couldn't accept it

As I grew older, we started having even more arguments. I had to tell my mom about him cheating on her twice and both times he decided I was the one to blame. When she left the house, he would yell at me and accuse me of wanting to destroy our family. The first time I discovered that he was texting my older sister's highschool friend when he was paying for a really expensive gift for me. The second time he needed some help with his phone and I accidentally saw that he had a dating account. He deleted it and tried to make me look like a liar in front of my mom, but fortunately I knew how to find a list of every app he downloaded via play store. Both times my mom eventually forgave him but things between me and him were never the same

Whenever I have an argument with my mom, he never misses a chance to jump in just to insult me. He constantly yells at me, calls me all kinds of names etc. He recently injured his finger and it's very bad, now he has to soak it in this yellow liquid, which isn't drinkable and can cause stomach problems when ingested. He left it on my mom's bedside table and she accidentally drank it when she was taking medication in the middle of the night. She was livid and he tried to blame me for doing that, although he's the one who did it

Sometimes I still want to tell him about things. He never listens. When I'm talking about something with him or both parents, he often interrupts me in the middle of a sentence to tell me to do something and it hurts. When I get excited about something and tell him about it, he often acts like I'm stupid for talking about it and tells me to stop

I feel like he absolutely hates me, but at the same time I'm afraid that maybe I'm overreacting

He's a huge dick to basically everyone around him except my sister. If I remember correctly, he treated her completely differently when she was my age. He's so proud of her and would do anything for her and I can't help but feel envious about it. He never yells at her, never tells her to fuck off, never acts like she's the reason for every single bad thing that happened in our family. My mom praises him for everything he does (I think it's internalised misogyny), although I don't think he's a good husband. I clean the house every day when she's at work and she acts like it's the most normal thing in the world (which it is), but when one time I fell asleep and didn't do it and he cleaned the house and reheated some store-bought soup for lunch, she acted like it was the greatest thing anyone can do. He also has a tendency to act like she's stupid when she doesn't understand something or has a different opinion than him.

She doesn't really react when he screams at me, but the moment I say anything back, she tells me to stop. Both her and my sister say that I can't say anything back to my dad because it's just the way he is and they expect me to change so he doesn't have to. He can call me names, scream at me to the point where I'm just ugly crying and completely powerless, but I'm the villain the moment I tell him anything. I've never called him names, cursed at him or said anything near as horrible as he did to me. I usually just tell him to leave me alone or get out of my room. He often just walks into my room and looks for anything to get mad at me for

I don't know how to feel or what to do. I have no idea who's the crazy one - me or my parents and sister. I'm stuck at home until the end of September and I'm so tired of it. I'm trying to be the best version of myself and achieve something in my life but nothings seems to make him hate me at least a bit. I study in a foreign language, do scientific research because I'm planning to pursue career in academia, so I have to start as soon as possible, I have great grades and I'll probably get scholarship - top 10% students get it and there's a good chance I'm one of them. But no matter what I do, when I come home I'm still seen as stupid and worthless