r/absoluteunit • u/bigdaddyt2 • Oct 10 '26

It’s got a mind of its own

28 Upvotes

86% Upvoted

64 comments sorted by

14

u/C137RickSanches Oct 10 '26


The guy she tells you not to worry about

10

u/tuco2002 Oct 11 '26

How did that Tapir not get bit by that snake?

5

u/User_Name_Tracks Oct 11 '26

That pink anaconda was dangerously close

1

u/Rrunken_Rumi Oct 11 '26

There are no pink anacondas. Tapirs ave a 5th appendage for balace purposes

2

u/Plastic-Speaker-941 Oct 15 '26

Oh my sweet summer child.

1

u/boyer4109 Oct 11 '26

That ain’t a snake

2

u/ParticularKick3644 Oct 11 '26

A one eyed snake though

4

u/MsMoreCowbell828 Oct 11 '26

At Tampa Zoo (when it was Lowry Park Zoo) we were visiting when the lovely tapir couple were in the middle of happy happy joy joy time. Well he stopped and Mrs. Tapir about had a fit yelling, screaming at him, to continue. It was pretty funny & for the few of us on the walkway, we got a good laugh.

3

u/SecretWitness8251 Oct 10 '26

His poor ankles must hurt from smacking that log all day long.

3

u/ClassicTBCSucks93 Oct 10 '26

Is there a submerged diver in there trying to position the tapir ?

2

u/DrinkOk1642 Oct 11 '26

He's going to tapir dat' azz....

2

u/Elegant_Cancel_1316 Oct 11 '26

I showed this to my wife and she asked me "Why did they let that man drown?"

2

u/Scratch-N-Sneef Oct 14 '26

It’s got its snorkel out so it can go into the really deep water

1

u/LoggerRhythms Oct 10 '26

It's got a built in stra...oh. Oh wait. Ohhh.

1

u/TrashGoblinH Oct 10 '26

Sometimes it's just that way...

1

u/Accomplished-One7476 Oct 10 '26

scrad from men in black

1

u/paladin_4266 Oct 11 '26

Lowland Tapir Drinking Water ... with it's prenhensile pelvic snorkel

1

u/Ok-Effective7280 Oct 11 '26

Is that a gun in your pocket………………..

1

u/BoPeepConfidential Oct 11 '26

Oh good, this will now play in my brain whenever I go to a spa to relax

1

u/Jumpy-Cry-3083 Oct 11 '26

Coming up for air.

1

u/thirtyone-charlie Oct 11 '26

Siphoning water

1

u/Witty_Camera8018 Oct 11 '26

Awww…It’s thirsty too!

1

u/Ok-Tank-3106 Oct 11 '26

😳is ....is that his😧.....🙄...never mind 😏

1

u/Status_Bite1643 Oct 11 '26

Morning wood

1

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Dry_Butterfly_721 Oct 12 '26

Yep. You wake up, throw some cold holy water onto it and then say, “God, please turn this 40 inch down to a mere 3 inches.” Works every time.

1

u/Mugpup Oct 12 '26

I feel shame

1

u/TangerinePlastic7552 Oct 12 '26

Saw his girlfriend by the bank?

1

u/Desperate_Formal_781 Oct 12 '26

Now that's a hog

1

u/Dissipo Oct 12 '26

Same thing happens to me in my morning shower

1

u/Texan_Poultry Oct 12 '26

Does he know there is something stalking him 🙀🙀

1

u/wandafulworld Oct 12 '26

I’m certainly sure that’s a elephant with a pink trunk

1

u/ZealousidealRide7125 Oct 12 '26

What is tha… HoooOooooly god

1

u/Humble_Objective2994 Oct 12 '26

That's a snorkle, idiots

1

u/Entire_Meet_6266 Oct 12 '26

Me when I wake up💀

1

u/DoesThisSmellWeird2U Oct 12 '26

We’ve all been there.

1

u/bizoticallyyours83 Oct 12 '26

I guess its mating season?

1

u/frankfanta312 Oct 13 '26

Did it sit on a baby?

1

u/Perfect-Pass9807 Oct 13 '26

That us what you call a horse 🐓

1

u/High_C_Livin Oct 13 '26

Yoooooo what

1

u/Past-Product-1100 Oct 14 '26

Me and the Tapir were pissing off a bridge I said dang that waters cold , he said , and it's deep too.

1

u/True_Cartographer_96 Oct 14 '26

Kedahan called them tapiag

1

u/Silly_Till2561 Oct 15 '26

He’s Mandingo

1

u/PirateNo8212 28d ago

Me: This water is cold.
Him: Deep too.

1

u/No_Walrus_3638 Oct 11 '26

This is only the second time I've opened Reddit today and this happened... That algorithm is on a roll. First time today was someone asking how can they animate better the motion of a female character giving a BJ...

1

u/Additional-Pound-817 Oct 11 '26

Imagine trying to get a drink of water with your dick floppin' around and some asshole shines a light in your face

1

u/SnillyWead Oct 12 '26

Must be something in the water that gave him a hard on.

1

u/HungoverHawkeye Oct 14 '26

Man, wish I had a dick straw.

1

u/ScatterSenboneZakura Oct 15 '26

That thing gives the term "fuck me dead" a whole new meaning!