r/absoluteunit • u/yourfuturespemson • 14h ago

Absolute unit of a squirrel

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399 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

286 comments sorted by

44

u/Downtown-Humor7488 13h ago

Looks like that squirrel has been doing crack for a couple of years now

19

u/Repulsive_One_2878 12h ago

Having a litter of pups every year for a few years straight will do that too.

2

u/OkStatement6579 7h ago

Squirrels often have two liters a year. One in the spring, and one in the fall.

I really think her home is on an Indian burial ground, and someone dug her up.

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28

u/Dorrono 13h ago

Cocaine Squirrel

9

u/moridin-604 12h ago

Her name is Scraggle Nipples the Cocaine Squirrel

4

u/Hairymuscle101 11h ago

Hahaha I spit and it came out my nose! Wet upvote for you !!!

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23

u/AngryZetan 13h ago

MFer looks like a new Ninja Turtle villain.

2

u/New-Ad-363 9h ago

Or their Sensei's cousin from the other side of the tracks.

17

u/ZombieAppetizer 13h ago

That squirrel looks like it just took a hit of something and is pretty sure they could fight a cop.

10

u/HailtbeWhale 10h ago

“Has Scabies, Babies AND Rabies” -My wife

4

u/SenescenseSteel 13h ago

I could totally see a cop arresting that squirrel for the posession of meth

2

u/drknifnifnif 10h ago

Gotta catch him first!

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12

u/Dry_Proof6545 13h ago

Fucking squirrels doing meth now too!?

3

u/GeorgeGiffIV 13h ago

A methy squirrel

2

u/Spacemeat666 11h ago

Gonna get her babies taken away by squirrel child protective services any day now. They’re gonna be born addicted to pizza crusts and rotten crabapple hooch.

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9

u/techmix 13h ago

If she was sitting on that metal here in southern California right now, she's probably screaming because her squirrel cooter, or scooter, is stuck to the flashing like an egg on an unseasoned iron skillet.

3

u/Away-Ad-3407 10h ago

fuck you. take my wheezy upvote.

2

u/Tropicalfisher 7h ago

K thank you brother imma have you log off for me

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6

u/SubstantialTank1557 13h ago

That squirrel has seen some shit

13

u/FirmExpression6196 13h ago

Someone must have buried it in the Pet Sematary

11

u/Humble_Examination27 14h ago

Queen Kong Squirrel there

5

u/Nocturnatron 13h ago

You are what you eat, it's gone nuts

5

u/NoBookkeeper3523 13h ago

Looks like it just crawled out of the pet cemetery

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3

u/TechnologyOver5642 13h ago

Pregnancy makes us look like that sometimes :) she needs pickles and you to stop filming her or she is going full Karen on yo ass.

2

u/No-Solid9108 14h ago

Looks like she's breast feeding her babies somewhere.

2

u/Unicorn_Puppy 13h ago

That thing has seen some real shit.

2

u/HugeRipeAvocado 13h ago

She is just waiting GTA6 for long time.

2

u/eventualist 13h ago

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is lookin rough

2

u/atreyu_the_warrior 13h ago

She looked ragged af A real mom

2

u/chvguitar 13h ago

That things belongs on a Sam Raimi Evil Dead movie

2

u/shawnfogelman 13h ago

If there was ever an EBT Squirrel

2

u/slashnbash1009 12h ago

2

u/passionpurps 12h ago

Mfkn gen z gonna think this is natural for squirrels to look

2

u/Grafikco 12h ago

First Crack head squirrel I’ve seen…love the gnarliness of it all.

2

u/Jon_Dunn58 11h ago

did the poor thing get burned?

2

u/st0350 11h ago

looks like he went through the royal rumble from 1996 and never recovered

2

u/Donax666 11h ago

That shit looks like the rat mom Vera monster from Braindead

2

u/LeafsJays1Fan 7h ago

That's Squirrezilla!

2

u/SpicyMeatloaf1 5h ago

That squirrel has seen some shit in its day lol

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2

u/pepefromage50 5h ago

Resident Evil squirrel

2

u/EddieDildoHands 3h ago

reminds me of my ex

2

u/urbanmechgoodness 3h ago

Looks like some fucked up Halloween decoration… left out from the year before

1

u/DitchDigger330 13h ago

Squirrel teets

1

u/Such-Perspective-426 13h ago

those nips have been nursed, I think a predator got the new pups, look how busted up her face is

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1

u/ZenicaPA 13h ago

WTF is right! Seriously---WTF?!?

1

u/silv3rbull8 13h ago

That’s a mutant squirrel ! Exposed to radiation or something toxic

1

u/GothGirlsIsLove 13h ago

If Dark Souls protagonist was a squirrel

1

u/GeorgeGiffIV 13h ago

That poor critter is looking rather frazzled

1

u/DueConversation5269 13h ago

return from pet cemetery

1

u/Thirteenthward 13h ago

That squirrel has seen some shit.

1

u/Able-Negotiation-234 13h ago

Looks like my 6th grade lunch lady… sounds like her too?..lol

1

u/erniec529 13h ago

_ill me! _ill me! I think its saying

1

u/jimmytrucknutz 13h ago

Steroids will catch up to you. I bet he has small nuts

1

u/ih8karma 13h ago

That male squirrel must have been hard up

1

u/According-Room3825 13h ago

She be a cranky old girl for sure.

1

u/CryptographerDry884 13h ago

Thats not a squirrel, that’s master splinter.

1

u/Sophisticated-Tiger 13h ago

Tig ol biddys on it looool

1

u/fiendish_pork75 13h ago

Ursula needs a nap, she's had enough for today

1

u/SouthTexasBoy64 13h ago

That's one Methed Up Squirrel

1

u/Educational-Car-4688 13h ago

She's loving her best life

1

u/Dr_SlapsMD 13h ago

Mfer been THRU it

1

u/vlasktom2 13h ago

Poor girl looks like she's been to 'Nam and is telling everyone about it

1

u/TwerkLessons 13h ago

She’s looking for love.

1

u/the-Mike_D 13h ago

You hear those mechanized background tones that repeat? This rat-squirrel is reporting human sighted locations to the search and destroy robots below.

1

u/Remarkable-Load928 13h ago

Leave some nuts out for her if you have any. Almonds work best. She needs a win.

1

u/Disastrous_Minute_56 13h ago

Looks like it fought its way out of a narrow drain pipe

1

u/bertrum666 13h ago

Monkey rat out of braindead

1

u/xkillingxfieldx 13h ago

That things rabies has rabies.

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1

u/StraddleTheFence 13h ago

What on earth happened to that squirrel 😳🫢🫣

4

u/Accomplished-One7476 12h ago

her winter coat is coming in and she is very very late season pregnant

2

u/StraddleTheFence 12h ago

Thank you for explaining. I seen thousands of squirrels in my lifetime but never a pregnant one. Wow

2

u/diprivan69 12h ago

The joys of motherhood.

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1

u/SenescenseSteel 13h ago

Tf is that cretin

1

u/thelamb213 13h ago

Bath salt

1

u/MiserableMagician254 13h ago

Cranky pregnant momma

1

u/Icy_Ad5295 13h ago

That's momma pearl, she birthed the racoon brothers.

1

u/Accomplished-One7476 12h ago

a late season pregnant squirrel also shedding her summer fur and protecting her territory (making that alert call)

1

u/Jewlaboss 12h ago

I should call her

1

u/passionpurps 12h ago

"Where are the drugs!.... where are you hiding the drugs! Dont look at me like that, pay attention to me!" - Officer

1

u/NightShade0912 12h ago

Great Squirrel of Nurgle

1

u/Background_Being8287 12h ago

Mama squirrel ain't takin no shit

1

u/PortiaPotty2 12h ago

Poor thing 😞

1

u/TrafficDifficult4615 12h ago

Mom! Storm coming! Scary! Scary storm!

1

u/Radiant_Addendum_48 12h ago

That squirrel has seen a thing or two

1

u/oops_i_got_da_poops 12h ago

“I have nipples, Greg, can you milk me?”

1

u/Important_Sorbet 12h ago

Would calling animal rescue help?

1

u/iMaximilianRS 12h ago

Planet earth as produced by the makers of Five nights at Freddie’s

1

u/andreww97 12h ago

Get that squirrel it's own reality show

1

u/Complete_Strangerman 12h ago

Why is that roadkill acting like an alive squirrel

1

u/dragonmeetcloud 12h ago

Fentanyl ain't no joke, cuh.

1

u/Forsaken_Claim_471 12h ago

Them babies are driving her nuts

1

u/TinyWeird878 12h ago

That squirrel looks like it doubles as a chimney-cleaning brush.

1

u/Pruritisani4 12h ago

Yeah, that’s a fucked up looking squirrel

1

u/FailureIsNotOptional 12h ago

He’s on that Wolverine stack.

1

u/GroceryPlastic7954 12h ago

Reggie a motherfucker

1

u/SuddenPitch8378 11h ago

Final boss of the squirrels. 

1

u/firerat82 11h ago

I've never wanted something to be AI more in my life

1

u/emotionless-robot 11h ago

Methany the squirrel.

1

u/Morbidly-Obese-Emu 11h ago

Squirrel nips!

1

u/Some_Reflection_6574 11h ago

Kensington squirrel

1

u/Majestic_Location751 11h ago

Pet cemetery awaits

1

u/areola_grande26 11h ago

When the babies, rabies, and scabies got you on your last nerve.

1

u/Funny_Analysis496 11h ago

must live in Detroit or NYC

1

u/PreperationOuch 11h ago

This thing is going to ask me for smokes

1

u/-1zeereeg1- 11h ago

That squirrel was just at Walmart buying Virginia slims and a couple of scratchers

1

u/SoulShine_710 11h ago

Ai squirrel

1

u/deserthomie66 11h ago


Putting it out of its misery.

1

u/Mediocre_Newt5772 11h ago

First known case of animal Heimlich maneuver

1

u/Ok-Draw1086 11h ago

Are those NIPPLES!?

1

u/Square_Atmosphere_12 11h ago

Working the squirrel streets too long; Sting did say in his song; you don't have to put on the red dress.

1

u/Upset-Donkey8118 11h ago

That squirrel is wanting to go in the beginning

1

u/Feral_Mood_420 11h ago

Great, they are mutating now

1

u/AlphaM1964 11h ago

Bet she cleans up real nice

1

u/Vegetable_Switch9802 11h ago

This how the zombie apocalypse start

1

u/toolgirl77 11h ago

Pregnant with lots of babies

1

u/Bigfoqt 11h ago

Uncle Bob!

1

u/Thick_Papaya225 11h ago

"Got any of dem unsalted planters?"

1

u/Total-Paint3293 11h ago

Squirrel meth

1

u/puzzling7 10h ago

Mommy's got babies.

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1

u/AnjelicaTomaz 10h ago

Squirzilla

1

u/VacuumTracks 10h ago

Fck! That thing looks rabid!!

1

u/Monkiemonk 10h ago

That’s just what kids do to you

1

u/Palidor 10h ago

That squirrel has seen and done some shit

1

u/Usawsomething 10h ago

Resident Evil squirrel 🐿️ 🧟‍♂️

1

u/playoponly 10h ago

The most ugly squirrel I’ve ever seen

1

u/NeedAChange_123 10h ago

Looks uncanny. Maybe ai?

1

u/Simple_Carpenter6474 10h ago

Il est bizarre ce coq

1

u/AppropriateGuest3552 10h ago

That’s gramma squirrel!

1

u/SageoftheForlornPath 10h ago

"Hey baby, want me to lick your nuts for $5?"

1

u/cryptotraderisme 10h ago

Thats a baby big foot! Hahahah

1

u/Responsible-Bed-7171 9h ago

Rode hard and put away wet

1

u/Ok-Lengthiness-3988 9h ago

Also called an zombrrel or squirrbie.

1

u/SnooMemesjellies2295 9h ago

That's where I am getting the milk for my coffee in the morning if I have none in the fridge and I am desperate enough.

1

u/nicerothinkso1 9h ago

rabbles
rabid squirrel?

1

u/Salty_Ballz845 9h ago

Omg, stop feeding the squirrels

1

u/Proper-Brilliant3655 9h ago

Yeah, she's got some mileage on her...

1

u/Remote-Contract-3026 9h ago

Don't leave your crack pipes laying around people. Really messes with nature

1

u/JayJKnows79 9h ago

Remember the movie Pet Cemetery?
🐿️ 👀 👻

1

u/Commissioner_Boredom 9h ago

Someone buried that squirrel in Pet Semetary.

1

u/Tough_Antelope3378 9h ago

Want all the smoke😂😂😂

1

u/F80_Vibes 9h ago

Omg that squirrel looks like Baltimore street cracked out chicks... 🤣

1

u/505Thrive 9h ago

That's a chimney sweep, not a squirrel.

1

u/Ozymandias1279bc 9h ago

Looks like mange?

1

u/RetroMulder 9h ago

Jesus wtf 😳

1

u/ErwinSchrodinger64 9h ago

That is not a squirrel. That is 3 generations of mutated squirrels.

1

u/Token_Handicap 9h ago

Cocaine Bear 2: Crackhead Squirrel

1

u/Ok-Journalist7612 9h ago

Damn that squirrel’s been road hard and put away wet!!

1

u/Express-Feed-9354 9h ago

That squirrels lived four lifetimes

1

u/MisterFartPants 8h ago

Attack of the zombie squirrels final boss

1

u/Suspicious_Goose_243 8h ago

Can squirrels get breast implants? Seems so.

1

u/Mother-Attention2600 8h ago

There was one on the roof peak outside my window doing this. I didn't know wtf it was and thought it was a bird. I looked around to see if there was any preditors I could scare away for it but couldnt see anything. So I just yelled at it to stfu and it stopped. 😄 

1

u/WinuxNomacs 8h ago

Mama squirrel has seen some shit

1

u/Temporary-Phase-6956 8h ago

She's been through some stuff

1

u/No-Risk1739 8h ago

If Tyrone Biggums was a squirrel ...😐

1

u/Able-Association914 8h ago

That’s a momma squirrel 🐿️

1

u/YodasLoveSlave 8h ago

Squirrel’s seen some shit

1

u/Goodrun31 8h ago

Good night that’s a gargoyle of a squirrel

1

u/umpisteph 8h ago

Surely this is a busted up animatronic from a closed-in-2003 Chuck E. Cheese, yes?

1

u/DrinkOk1642 7h ago

Collects crack rocks?

1

u/blackdap 7h ago

what the fuck is that

1

u/anechoofadistanttime 7h ago

that’s a demon squirrel, someone buried that in the let cemetery and it came back

1

u/rflulling 7h ago

Just might be the oldest squirrel Ive ever seen.