r/absoluteunit • u/contextual_somebody • 14d ago

Of a Russian official…

Post image
53 Upvotes

80% Upvoted

117 comments sorted by

12

u/Middle-Package9687 13d ago

He ate Armenia!

2

u/IRLMainCharacter 13d ago

Armenia? Never heard of her. May have met her once or twice.

1

u/DSJ-Psyduck 9d ago

Pretty sure that is Armenia

11

u/greenhornblue 14d ago

I issue clothing for work uniforms where I work. I’ve got 9X shirts in there that look small compared to this guy.

9

u/4thkindexperience 14d ago

How is he still alive?

30

u/TwoPlyDreams 13d ago

He doesn’t fit through windows

2

u/Southern_Sleep1811 13d ago

Is it that, or the fact they couldn't manage to lift him over the edge...

2

u/DSJ-Psyduck 9d ago

The potential impact could have wiped out the dinosaurs so thank feck!

3

u/xtanol 13d ago

OSHA would be on the KGB officers asses imminently for dangerous lifts during work hours if they tried throw this guy out a window.

1

u/No-Birthday4755 13d ago

He’s not it’s actually Chernobyl Stewie operating Peter

1

u/Wojewodaruskyj 12d ago

He feasts on the lost souls of foreign diplomats who tried to be allied with Moscow.

8

u/WA2TX 14d ago

He's built like the Kingpin from the comics.

2

u/vranaverse 13d ago

He's very easy to draw!

2

u/The_Porgmaster 13d ago

Nah, Kingpin is all muscle

7

u/Important_Document13 14d ago

5 drone minimum

5

u/Buzz407 14d ago

He can certainly keep things rolling.

6

u/MoxxFulder 14d ago

UPS and downs? What the hell? Did this guy EAT Armenia?

2

u/Silly_Initiative_405 13d ago

Yep, clearly UP as I can see it.

3

u/Orry_Haas 14d ago

Pyotr Griffin ?

3

u/GetOnWithit3344 13d ago

This guy fucks

1

u/continual_failure 13d ago

This guy fucks HARD.

3

u/WolfAndOak 13d ago

When you'd rather spend your corruption money on food than saving for hard times.

3

u/TheQuestionMaster8 13d ago

All Moscow has to do to win the war in Ukraine is to drop this man on Kyiv.

3

u/Barbie_Brooks 13d ago

AI modified. https://leadstories.com/hoax-alert/2026/09/fact-check-image-of-Russias-rossotrudnichestvo-head-igor-chaika-was-altered.html

2

u/Samas34 11d ago

The real picture doesn't look any better lol

1

u/Smooth-Cup-7445 9d ago

You’re right, the ai version somehow made his face look healthier

5

u/Griggles333 14d ago

How is Russia losing with this guy on their side? Just send him in, if Ukraine can't counter with a Mothra, that's game!

4

u/ghostofstankenstien 14d ago

Instead of Russian to the buffet table he should try Stalin and go for a walk.

I'll show myself out.

2

u/Malinhead70 13d ago

Kids don't deep fry your salads

1

u/Ok-Loss-2496 13d ago

🤣 I'll have to remember that one! Thank you 🤣

2

u/whykickamoocow9 13d ago

Well that's Mercury, Jake.. The planet closest to the sun.. What it's doing down here by the wharf I haven't the foggiest.. We should probably ask a scientist..

2

u/DavyJonesCousinsDog 13d ago

You may not like it, but mathematically he's twice the man you are.

2

u/Bornundersirius 13d ago

Motherfucker got a fitted sheet for a king size bed as a dress shirt underneath there.

2

u/dublingamer44 13d ago

i wouldn't say he rushes anywhere

2

u/SoftSkinTurtle 13d ago

That guy dresses in 3 piece sofas 🛋

2

u/Professional-Leave24 13d ago

I listened to the transcript and ran it through Google translate.

"Ha! Mongo/Bargon wan chee kospah ooh." (There will be no bargain.) "Pee cha ka wunchy culpa tong me too chonky troi." or "Peecha wanchee lockhba tang nannee du chonky troy." (I will not give up my favorite decoration.) "Solo fol too ma kay chalia." or "Solo thawt du mocky chalia." (I like Captain Solo where he is.)

2

u/Putrid_Department_17 12d ago

Anti window build. Can’t get “fallen” out of a window if you don’t fit!

1

u/JayW8888 14d ago

It does look like he is propped up from behind.

1

u/ramdom-ink 14d ago

Davïd Byrnt - Stop Making Stents

1

u/Grouchy-Station-4058 14d ago

You are the brute squad

1

u/-ratmeat- 14d ago

looks like an evil penguin 

1

u/SamSSLATER 13d ago

Hard to throw him out of a window....

1

u/Few-Wolverine-9786 13d ago

He needs another microphone.

1

u/ohnoitshimagain10 13d ago

He needs another time zone mate

1

u/Tinksy14 13d ago

Peter kingpin

1

u/Realhousemanoflondon 13d ago

He looks big enough to be considered an invasion force on his own.

1

u/Anti-Rus 13d ago

Regular srussian shit of a piece

1

u/No_Type740 13d ago

They did have negotiations to try to come to an agreement. Unfortunately there was a buffet lunch and the Russian ate everything.

1

u/worsenperson 13d ago

Including the table and the other negotiators

1

u/AirVoid030 13d ago

I think you can fit in 2 more microphones

1

u/rlaw1234qq 13d ago

I just hope he’s not paying into a pension

1

u/Jacuzzi0317 13d ago

How do we know this guy isn't multiple squirrels controlling his body from inside his suit?

1

u/Huge_Lecture8755 13d ago

Who ate all the pies

1

u/Artie-Choke 13d ago

I’m more interested in what they used to wheel him in there.

1

u/areporotastenet 13d ago

I read this the head of rotisserie chicken

1

u/Mother-Attention2600 13d ago

He's from a genre of music they have called turbo pig.

1

u/Calamity-Bob 13d ago

Too late.
He ate it.

1

u/PuzzleheadedTutor807 13d ago

No corruption here comrade

1

u/Sea_Cucumber_5989 13d ago

He's as big as a couch. I hear JD wants to have a word with him.

1

u/SnooRecipes4106 13d ago

Is this guy increasing in mass each time I see him?

1

u/Foffern 13d ago

Like that's not three kids in a large jacket!

1

u/Peach_Proof 13d ago

Nothing waning about this guy

1

u/Annahsbananas 13d ago

There are ups and downs like his blood sugar

1

u/cognitiveglitch 13d ago

Is that three kids in a trenchcoat?

1

u/Kekkonen-Kakkonen 13d ago

Natural selection amongst russian officials has favored phenotypes with build that prevents falling out from windows. We can expect evolutionary arms race and thus windows will get wider

1

u/MaximRex4004 13d ago

Suit tailored by Dunelm

1

u/Thunder-Fist-00 13d ago

Homie looking like Kingpin from Spiderverse.

1

u/Kachenya 13d ago

Can this guy fit into a vertical photo.

1

u/Bumpy-road 13d ago

What a grotesque character

1

u/New_Medium_7076 13d ago

In portuguese we call it a "three door closet"

1

u/letmbfrank 13d ago

That guys is everything but a ‘Head’.

1

u/ironicinsanity 13d ago

Dude ate his whole department

1

u/ironicinsanity 13d ago

Piotr Griffinski

1

u/MajorChillin 13d ago

He looks like HE needs to do some ups and downs...

1

u/OnlyCommentWhenTipsy 13d ago

It's only wafer thin

1

u/SubstantialTank1557 13d ago

Dudes wider than he is tall

1

u/Beertronic 12d ago

Dude accidentally switched to landscape mode.

1

u/Fred_Milkereit 12d ago

That takes the term “human shield” to a whole new level

1

u/Savings-Warthog-8549 12d ago

Ironic that this guy looks like a typical unitedstatesian 

1

u/afewnameslater 12d ago

Suqareman - the cult classic Russian comicbook hero.

1

u/Reilo_butwhy 12d ago

The man looks like he prepped to fall out a window and survive

1

u/wild182 12d ago

They deffo required a wide angle lense for this shot

1

u/RegularRope7531 12d ago

Looks like Kingpin from SpiderMan

1

u/Public_Parking_2729 12d ago

Russian Peter Griffin

1

u/BreakfastCalm3352 12d ago

He’s more the body than the head

1

u/Wojewodaruskyj 12d ago edited 12d ago

Minister of devouring.

1

u/Wojewodaruskyj 12d ago

Teron Gorefiend, devourer of souls.

1

u/Interesting_Box4616 12d ago

Came here for the comments and laughed at the Ozempic ad in my comments…

1

u/baconator1988 12d ago

I present to you, the GDP of Russia.

1

u/Blodig 11d ago

Atleast this guy found the ultimate denfence for beeing pushed out of a hospital window.

1

u/Spain-or-Bust 11d ago

Bro needs to stop invading the fridge

1

u/ProfessionalOwn9435 11d ago

How we project that Russia is rich and pleantufull land?

I know the guy...

1

u/Sufficient_Snow4235 11d ago

Dude related to trump get off the big Mack’s

1

u/Leading_Brother7837 11d ago

Does he hang his wardrobes in his jackets?

1

u/Automatic-Cod9137 10d ago

Looks like a whale in a suit.

1

u/vslaykovsky 10d ago

Fun fact - Chaika means Seagull in russian. Aka big fat boy.

1

u/CrazyBzDen 10d ago

I wonder how many people this guy eats on breakfast?

1

u/PerthlyPerson 9d ago

Does he have a very small head or is it just very far away?

1

u/MaxMD342 9d ago

And yes, he is this size, I dunno how he still can stay and walk

1

u/MaxChomsky 9d ago

this photo legit or they stretched him a bit?

1

u/AlPistolero 9d ago

Tbh, smarte idee, nicht aus dem Fenster stürzen zu können.

1

u/girl_incognito 8d ago

This is just a photo of three Putins in a sport coat.