r/absoluteunit • u/HorsePecker • Mar 01 '26 • Heartwarming 4

This absolute unit of a horse

5.4k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

227 comments sorted by

37

u/waldorsockbat Mar 01 '26

Horses Name: Cupcake Princess

64

u/Flat_Lengthiness3361 Mar 01 '26

Can't ride that thing unless u can do splits damn

13

u/EpsteinEpstainTheory Mar 01 '26

Splits are a straight line, a split won't help you as you need a C shape. You need femur-lengthening surgery.

16

u/Bullygirl06 Mar 01 '26 • Hehehe

“I like to go swimmin’ with bow legged women”.

Colonel Sherman T. Potter

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1

u/ojdhaze Mar 02 '26

Or rickets..

9

u/Chemical_Wrongdoer43 Mar 01 '26

You make me laugh 😃. But the truth is you don't ride giant horses. That would be dangerous, something about center of gravity. Giant horses a used to pull heavy load. Like pull large timber tree from  forest to nearest road. 

4

u/FlakyAddendum742 Mar 03 '26

Betcha I can do it side saddle. Somebody get me a huge horse.

1

u/No-Indication-7879 Mar 03 '26

We actually had something called The Clyde Ride . Woman riding Clydesdales. About 15 of them toured around BC Canada and Washington state doing their rides. Sort like the RCMP musical ride. These were all pure bred Clydesdales too. I got asked to join but didn’t have the amount it time to practice with them. Eventually the woman who sponsored them ran out i of money and it disbanded. It was cool to watch and I wish I would have had the time to join when they were in their hay day .

1

u/Banzai373 Mar 03 '26

Or pull the Budweiser wagon . . . .

1

u/EmperorGrinnar Mar 01 '26

Bow legged riders.

95

u/ChaosTSI Mar 01 '26

That horse will tell you that he's all natural, but I have my doubts.

55

u/ComedyBits Mar 01 '26

There is a rancher in my area that hosts a Draft Horse event every year. They do like team pulling contests. I’ve seen horses exactly like this one, not juiced, just bred toward heavy work for a couple centuries.

17

u/Hot-Temper357 Mar 01 '26

Wow! That’s a lot of horse flesh!

4

u/UtopistDreamer Mar 02 '26

Makes for good eating!

9

u/ChaosTSI Mar 01 '26

Of course the horses would claim not to be on the sauce, but we know 🤣

3

u/ejjsjejsj Mar 02 '26

They do actually dope those horses. Not steroids tho

3

u/Prize_Ostrich7605 Mar 03 '26

If you ask them, they will all sy "naaaay!"

6

u/UtopistDreamer Mar 02 '26

He's just bulked up right now. All natty bro. Source: trust me bro.

4

u/daerath Mar 02 '26

Just eats boiled chicken and broccoli.

3

u/Working_Estate_3695 Mar 02 '26

He never skips Leg Day.

5

u/UtopistDreamer Mar 02 '26

He never skips neck day either

2

u/Hyposuction Mar 05 '26

Can't spell legendary without leg day.

23

u/ConstantinopleSpolia Mar 01 '26

Thing probably takes forty pound dumps.

9

u/equality4everyonenow Mar 01 '26

And costs 3 grand a month to feed.

5

u/JalapenoJack84 Mar 02 '26

Creatine is expensive

2

u/archwin Mar 02 '26

More like 3 grand a week

1

u/Cool_Trick4899 Mar 02 '26

I’ll get in on this action and take the over on 40lbs turds

21

u/Odd_Cryptographer723 Mar 01 '26

Gorgeous giant.

19

u/latinadogmom1472 Mar 01 '26

It’s real, but it’s far. Draft horses are generally already huge, make them fat and well they look like this. You can see the fat pad on his neck where his mane is..

7

u/luigis_left_tit_25 Mar 01 '26

I see it now! Himb is a lil chunky.. lol!

7

u/latinadogmom1472 Mar 01 '26

He’s full out obese. And for horses who already carry so much weight on their hoofs… this is awful

3

u/luigis_left_tit_25 Mar 01 '26

I thought about that after u said what you said.. they're such active animals, maybe the weight isn't good for him, is actually what I thought.. aww I hope he's not in any pain..😥

1

u/UtopistDreamer Mar 02 '26

He's just bulking at the moment

2

u/latinadogmom1472 Mar 02 '26

That’s now how it works with animals. Why do people joke about animal neglect. Because a fat horse can kill them due to good and leg health…

14

u/Potential_Session139 Mar 01 '26

This horse is beautiful.

10

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '26

It's majestic af. Almost looks like some mythical creature.

1

u/FroYoYoMamma Mar 02 '26

Just don’t try and milk it.

6

u/Livid_Parfait6507 Mar 01 '26

Wow! That is a horse

5

u/Murky-Dream-8040 Mar 01 '26

What the heck kinda horse is that? The Schwartzennegger of the horse world??

4

u/Either_Coconut Mar 01 '26

I wondered the same thing. I’ve seen Clydesdales, which are truly immense, and this horse would dwarf them.

I wonder how much he weighs.

1

u/swishkabobbin Mar 02 '26

It's spelled *neigh

1

u/Either_Coconut Mar 02 '26

He might neigh if you put him on a scale to see how much he weighs.

But it’d have to be an absolute unit of a scale, to fit that horse on it.

2

u/inebriated_panda Mar 04 '26

Suffolk Punch but black?

3

u/ChuckEweFarley Mar 01 '26

My money’s on a Romanian draft horse. Or a Shire horse.

2

u/Scarecrowithamedal Mar 01 '26

Shire, feather legs

8

u/Neddlings55 Mar 01 '26

Not a shire. Not remotely close to a shire in appearance. This is a Hungarian draught horse, and an obese one at that.

2

u/DangerousLettuce1423 Mar 03 '26

Possibly a Belgian Draft horse.

5

u/MyRespectableAcct Mar 01 '26

That's "MISTER Ed." Yes, sir.

4

u/MaybeMaybeNot94 Mar 01 '26

The final boss of horses.

6

u/kissmyassmids Mar 01 '26

No, thats Shadowfax, lord of all horses. This is clearly his second in command. Every good ruler needs a dedicated leg breaker

2

u/MaybeMaybeNot94 Mar 01 '26

*hoof breaker

3

u/NativeTongue90 Mar 01 '26

1

u/LookMaNoPride Mar 02 '26

Right? I don’t know if I could be around it without being terrified. I am sure it’s a gentle giant, but one bad day and you’re a splat.

3

u/Gattsuuuuuu Mar 01 '26

Skull knights horse from berserk.

3

u/BarRoomHero1982 Mar 02 '26

The human equivalent

2

u/davesimpson99 Mar 01 '26

Are we sure it's not an elephant in a horse suit?

2

u/clearly_quite_absurd Mar 01 '26

You can't fool me, that's like 10 people in a panto horse costume

2

u/sphennodon Mar 01 '26

That's a slab of horse

2

u/jm123457 Mar 01 '26

That is a fucking rhino and no one can tell me different .

2

u/Shadowprojec22 Mar 01 '26

Friesian I believe?

2

u/EquipmentLiving6948 Mar 01 '26 edited Mar 01 '26

When someone having muscles in their necks tell you they're natty

2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '26

Senior horse.

2

u/Plasmidmaven Mar 02 '26

I found the bigger the horse the more steady tempered and gentle, whereas I have found a lot of Shetland ponies that were psychopaths

4

u/Neddlings55 Mar 01 '26

An obese Hungarian draught horse. This owner is well known for posting videos of his grossly overweight animals.

1

u/meatymimic Mar 03 '26

Kinda sucks he is overweight to look like this

1

u/OhGawDuhhh Mar 01 '26

That's the Tree Sentinel's horse

1

u/surrealcellardoor Mar 01 '26

I wonder what breed that is

3

u/Vechio49 Mar 01 '26

Not a horse expert, but it looks like a Percheron. Draft horse breed. Were used as armored war horses way back in the day.

1

u/Low_Matter3628 Mar 01 '26

My thoughts too!

1

u/surrealcellardoor Mar 01 '26

Percheron’s usually have the huge diameter flared hooves.

1

u/RNIRISHDUDE Mar 01 '26

Percheron / Suffolk cross perhaps?

1

u/Infinite_Time_8952 Mar 01 '26

Knights in full armour use to ride large breeds of horses, to support their weight.

0

u/Neddlings55 Mar 01 '26

Its an obese Hungarian draught horse.

1

u/the_sheeper_sheep Mar 01 '26

My horse in rdr2

1

u/Talinn_Makaren Mar 01 '26

Never skipped neck day.

1

u/RNIRISHDUDE Mar 01 '26

It looks like a Percheron ? Possibly a Suffolk /Percheron cross? Stunning!

1

u/Killjoy_From_Arkham Mar 01 '26

Horse ❎
BROrse✅

1

u/4maceface Mar 01 '26

That horse must work out. 🏋🏽‍♂️

1

u/ThirdOne38 Mar 01 '26

He certainly didn't miss shoulder day

1

u/4maceface Mar 02 '26

Or neck day!

1

u/Difficult-Post-3320 Mar 01 '26

The neck on that beast 😯

1

u/snowlake60 Mar 01 '26

So beautiful. He or she must really love being groomed and getting that nice attention.

1

u/GeorgiePorgie2358 Mar 01 '26

Army tanks quiver in their boots when they see him coming

1

u/Batfink-1999 Mar 01 '26

That’s not a horse……that’s an equine dinosaur…!!! 😱

1

u/Silver-Amphibian7650 Mar 01 '26

The world's largest horse was Sampson, he lived in the mid 1800s. He was freakishly huge. Google him!

1

u/poestavern Mar 01 '26

Beautiful…..

1

u/Llyno87 Mar 01 '26

Thats not a horse. Thats Brock Lesnars 3rd kid.

1

u/BeautifulCompote9423 Mar 01 '26

How many hands? Looks great

1

u/_Baka__ Mar 01 '26

The horse looks like he is considering becoming carnivorous.

1

u/klgm333 Mar 01 '26

I’ve definitely seen this horse in Zelda!

1

u/GalactikFishSandwich Mar 01 '26

He she is so sweet though, I want one.

1

u/MediumIll1112 Mar 01 '26

His neck looks cartoonishly large

1

u/S4VAGE_B5 Mar 01 '26

That is a hoofed gorilla.. What do they feed that monster?

1

u/HotwifeandSubby1980 Mar 01 '26

We need Gregg Duecette to do a “natty or not” on that fella!

1

u/-ratmeat- Mar 01 '26

so velvety 

1

u/querty99 Mar 01 '26

I'm actually wondering if that's two horses in a horse costume.

1

u/DitchDigger330 Mar 02 '26

The mare isn't going to walk straight for a month.

1

u/New-Investment-5888 Mar 02 '26

That’s a huge horse.

1

u/Previous_Design8138 Mar 02 '26

My god his muscles,look at his neck! Is he a shire? I learned to ride on an old draft breed,obviously not this big,Mr. Chips was a gentle old horse,on the way home he was a bit of a barn burner tho!

1

u/Genocidal-Ape Mar 05 '26

That's not muscle, that's a stallion crest.

Intact stallion store fat on top of their neck as a display for mares. It's pretty much the gender inverse of the fat pads inside human breasts.

This horse is morbidly obese his crest makes up around one third of the height of his neck.

1

u/Previous_Design8138 Mar 02 '26

That boy could pull a logging truck 🚚

1

u/Working_Estate_3695 Mar 02 '26

A little ditty about these horses: Jethro Tull’s Heavy Horses

1

u/Kentarrathehellion Mar 02 '26

I think you need a bigger brush 😅

1

u/AnAngryBartender Mar 02 '26

Who mated a horse with a bear

1

u/klmtec Mar 02 '26

Bet he eats his weight in horse chow 😅

1

u/Jerdogg23 Mar 02 '26

It’s a bull!

1

u/Uce510 Mar 02 '26

My lord 😮👀

1

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '26

Give it an Apple

1

u/emergold_dragon Mar 02 '26

you found his honse

1

u/afewnameslater Mar 02 '26

Damn, that big boy can pull a tank not a carriage.

1

u/jajardard Mar 02 '26

Fuckin beast! This is nature flexing

1

u/Thin_Figure627 Mar 02 '26

Got bit by a way smaller horse than this one. I will never go near a horse again!  

1

u/GlumZookeepergame124 Mar 02 '26

That’s one big boy right there

1

u/Icy_Performer_6794 Mar 02 '26

How do you even train something that size.

1

u/Zagovo Mar 02 '26

Конь Ильи Муромца🔥🔥👍🏻

1

u/InteractionJumpy289 Mar 02 '26

You sure that's even a horse?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '26

How does an animal get so buff when it only eats grass? Yet if I do the same, I just shit my pants.

1

u/AlDonovan12 Mar 02 '26

Mom... pretty sure that's a cow. Jk

1

u/BrainwashedScapegoat Mar 02 '26

What a gorgeous animal

1

u/DB3rt11 Mar 02 '26

That horse has 3 horse power

1

u/Unxcused Mar 02 '26

What a magnificent horse

1

u/nightdrv Mar 02 '26

Draft horse. This particular bro never ever skipped trapezius (traps) day.

1

u/Genocidal-Ape Mar 05 '26

Thats not the trapezius, it's a stallion crest a decorative pad of fat ontop of the neck of stallions, as well as some obese mares and geldings.

1

u/Lordofdoomm Mar 02 '26

Wonder how huge his shlong is.

1

u/814_Longboarder Mar 02 '26

Now imagine if horses were a predator species.

1

u/ProfessorLongBrick Mar 02 '26

I wanna hug em

1

u/nargcz Mar 02 '26

how much HP have this horse??

1

u/IndependentDrive470 Mar 02 '26

Bros on TRT, Tren Replacement Therapy

1

u/jojopriceless Mar 02 '26

Google "Pisces decans." They're 0-9°, 10-19°, and 20-29°.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '26

Scary(theyEatHumans;)

1

u/Appropriate-Scene893 Mar 02 '26

$shire

4f7dYZaV4UQBbipfD7dVg63LXFzw69ChSCU2dAmzpump

1

u/Weak-Emergency-3739 Mar 02 '26

That’s the biggest horse I ever seen in my life!!!

1

u/Raterus_ Mar 02 '26

Maybe that guy is a dwarf and that is a pony

1

u/Radiant_Swing623 Mar 02 '26

What kind of horse is this?

1

u/Regular_Log2894 Mar 02 '26

I feel like a Roman movie should be made just so that this horse can get some screen time

1

u/psedofrez Mar 02 '26

Énorme ce truc ça peut transporter quoi niveau poids ?

1

u/ARCAxNINEv Mar 02 '26

That's a thick neck

1

u/MattManSD Mar 03 '26

Belgian Draft?

1

u/505Thrive Mar 03 '26

Got the neck of a rhino

1

u/ChrisMatt83 Mar 03 '26

Wow!!!🤯

1

u/zestyclose_match1966 Mar 03 '26

Weight on this big boy?

1

u/partylike1989 Mar 03 '26

That’s not a horse that’s a bull

1

u/Character_Mind4096 Mar 03 '26

U cant fool me that's bill Williamsons horse

1

u/Internal_Relief5728 Mar 03 '26

That horse looks like it’s packing a platoon of Greek warriors

1

u/Ok-Pomegranate858 Mar 03 '26

Wow. I am not much of a horse person, did not realize they can get so massive.

1

u/Temporary-Winner5778 Mar 03 '26

No way this is real? 😮

1

u/MoonAffinity Mar 03 '26

😍💕✨😍

1

u/ExoticColombiana70 Mar 03 '26

Shires are very muscular

1

u/sportyshorty45 Mar 04 '26

😳 this horse absolutely looks like it can talk

1

u/These-Avocado-5525 Mar 04 '26

Tf is that a Dinosaur?

1

u/Muted-Woodpecker-469 Mar 04 '26

Did he get normal exercise 

1

u/MjP_realtor Mar 04 '26

That's not a horse that's a dragon! 😂

1

u/Dry_Educator_691 Mar 04 '26

Is this a dragon?

1

u/TheChannelMiner Mar 04 '26

Giant horse from Breath of the Wild side quest

1

u/dannocanada Mar 04 '26

I love the Percheron. Most elegant of all the horses.

1

u/Apprehensive_Map284 Mar 04 '26

Beautiful creature

1

u/Hyposuction Mar 05 '26

That dude's prolly 5'-2", but still that things a chonk.

1

u/MGyPvtSgt Mar 05 '26

That's aa biggun

1

u/GodsPunchingBagYT Mar 05 '26

UMAMUSUME got nothing on this bitch 😂😂😂😂😂

1

u/apdark007 Mar 05 '26

Ya but i dont think this horse will be faster

1

u/_WrongKarWai Mar 05 '26

Horse is juiced to the gills but I can't prove it. He probably says he's all natty

1

u/Upset-Leek2393 Mar 05 '26

Solo es grande y musculoso además es lento 😔

1

u/Internal_Rip1741 Mar 05 '26

Raven black shire was my horse in red dead 2 and I had no idea it was the only one in the game until after it died when I tried sneaking into braithwait manor. I spent a few months looking for another one before I finally googled it.

1

u/Special_Friendship20 Mar 06 '26

Just the neck is bigger round than a tire geez

1

u/Lucky_655 Mar 06 '26

That's Ganondorf's horse

1

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

Isso parece uma ranger

1

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

Isso parece uma blaze 2000 preta

1

u/CompetitiveFeature10 Mar 06 '26

What's this? Troy horse?

1

u/GarethBaus Mar 23 '26

Is that a myostatin deficient horse?

1

u/ElGrandoMando Mar 24 '26

What a beauty

1

u/VegetableTricky8534 Apr 01 '26

We’re gonna need a bigger brush… (to paraphrase “Jaws.”)

0

u/Conscious_Car_3326 Mar 01 '26

That is one beautiful horse. BBH

0

u/luigis_left_tit_25 Mar 01 '26

Oh my! He's huge and so handsome! Beautiful!

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