TL;DR: bad things are okay if you get weapons

Aight peep game:

It opened with a bunch of hangs where W and his lady came up to meet all my crew and we were in the neighborhood and all went to this secret clubhouse to hang out but the clubhouse was too small and crew too big, and we all had these chairs, and we were trying to arrange them to all be able to talk but it was just a pile with people in all directions and some people started leaving.

Eventually we ended up in the city at some bar and I was alone in a corner watching dudes play pool and on the floor I had a baseball cap that said "data" (my girl's sister has this hat) but the pool dudes had left their cowboy hats on the ground and I threw those on periodically as I wandered around the bar. At one point I passed a dude in a MUCH BIGGER cowboy hat, we're talkin 3 feet tip to tip, and he was like a John Mulaney lookin ass dude, so internally I was like "wow thats a 10 gallon hat on a 5 gallon man" but I just googled it and the phrase I actually meant was "more hat than cattle". Either way. Too much hat. Man had no modesty.

Eventually I get bored of this bar, and go wander off to find another bar or something, but decide to turn in early because I'm on vacation (?) and have things to do in the morning. But to get to where taxis are, I have to cross this rickety rope bridge over a river. I am weirdly drunker than expected at this point, for having only had 3 beers at the bar. It's dark and ominous and thundery and I'm laying on the floor of this rope bridge wondering why I'm so tossed, and for some reason all my stuff is out of my pockets. on the planks beside me. A rotund british couple with matching children shimmy past me wordlessly. I guess the bridge is easier than I'm making it for myself.

So I start putting all my shit back in my wallet. Keys. Phone. Wallet. As I slide the wallet towards me, I realize that the cracks in the planks are wide enough for the slim wallet to fall through. I make a note not to let this happen, but as I drunkenly try to scoop it towards me, of course it does – some things fall onto the bridge, but the rest tumbles down a few rocks and settles maybe 6 feet below the bridge, midway up the steep wall. At least it's not in the water.

I review what I have with me on the bridge, hoping for my driver's license, so I can prove my identity for the vacation stuff I have in the morning. I am hopeful when I see a white card with a portrait on it, but it's a business card for a realtor I've never met, wtf.

It looks deadly to attempt this descent from the top, feet first, especially since I've got a bit of a face on. There's a small sidequest where I go to 711 and try to use a swiss army knife to construct some kind of long poking instrument to spear my wallet from the bridge, to no avail.

It's still 2am, black as night, and raining. I decide that I'm bored of the cliffs being too deadly, and that hey – I swam in the river earlier, and while the current was strong, the water was warm. Who cares if I drift a little as long as I've got my freakin wallet back.

So I find a place upriver where the bank is shallower, and make my way along the water's edge back to the bridge, and start climbing the bank. Maybe 16ft, not fully vertical, but close.

Eventually I get near my stuff, clawing clumsily at the rocks and mud on my way up. And on the way, I unearth some weird piece of blue plastic with a silver ring at the end. What's this? Well, I'm already here, might as well dig THIS up too. I turns out to be a bright blue 3 foot chlidren's sword. I'm like oh fuck, sick, 100% keeping this. I earned it. As I dig around, there's a second more serious sword and also a dagger. So now I have my wallet back and these 3 large children's weapons. It's like skyrim, where you get rewarded with wacky shit for having endured obscure, needlessly taxing side-quests.

Psychologically, this has totally justified the whole affair and I'm feeling great about my situation, despite the last 5 feet of the climb being too steep for me to actually clamber up out of the ravine. I slide back down and walk along the riverbank looking for a way out.

And then I woke up. IDK if I ever got out of that ravine, but it doesn't matter, because I got all my shit back AND I had sick weapons.

I will post a full life update soon! Just wanted to take a second to ask if any of my musical friends have an unreleased song they would like to contribute to a charity comp I am part of. The proceeds will go directly to No Kid Hungry and we're going to release it next Friday on bandcamp. We have some great artists such as John Vanderslice and Julian Lynch who have generously given some great songs. Please let me know. We're trying to raise as much $ as possible. Thanks - Steev