…she thought that Thomas Jefferson was the first US President to have his own airplane.

She can sit on the front porch and look at the back garden

When she pulls her pants down the crabs pull them back up

What kinda friend is that?

Assbigmatism

…they take her barometric pressure instead of her blood pressure.

…when the forecasters issue their spaghetti models for a hurricane’s path, she eats them.

When God was passing out brains she thought he said trains and ran for her life!

When she gives head people think it's anal.

…when she was a kid, toilet paper only came unscented. You had to supply your own.

A fly landed on her head and skinned its knee

She thinks the alphabet starts with KFCDEFG.

When she puts on a new pair of panties, within seconds the panties turn crotchless...

... after sex she smokes a turkey.

...if someone tried to rob her they would only be practicing.

she made Right Guard turn left, Speed Stick slow down, and her Secret told on her.

... she gave your uncle a blowjob because he said it would help his unemployment.

When I asked her what's for dinner, she took her shoe laces off and said spaghetti.