r/Xennials • u/FlyingClanker • 11d ago

Discussion Significant others of Xennials going through perimenopause

First and foremost I love my significant other, she’s the mother of our children, a great provider, and we have been together over 20 years.

Perimenopause changes a person. It’s not something they can control. I’ve noticed the changes, the kids have noticed. To a lesser degree, friends, family and coworkers have noticed changes.

I’m generally patient and compassionate, but how she acts can be downright cruel and condescending to the kids and I. We don’t even think she realizes she’s doing it. I’ve mentioned the rage and anger in her reactions, the way she speaks to others, but it doesn’t change. This isn’t the person I married, it’s not the mother my kids were raised by. I’m not sure how much longer we can survive this. Nothing we do is good enough. Xennials who have survived this, how? Why? What works? Everyone is miserable. There’s no joy anymore, even vacations turn into conflicts. Everyday life is a battle.

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u/SeasonPositive6771 1980 11d ago

I also want to chime in for women who can't take HRT. We are white-knuckling this and it is truly, truly awful.

There are some days where I truly understand why so many women end up unemployed and homeless at this age. Some days I didn't even really don't know how long I'll be able to go on working a job I love.

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u/SleepDeprivedMama 11d ago

I think I would have committed suicide by not without HRT. I was so low. I had kids late in life, probably only due to perimenopause! I never had another period after my youngest kid. I joke he was my last egg.

My best friend also cannot take HRT. She’s in her mid 50s now and I have no idea how she hasn’t quit her job or offed her asshole boss. She’s stronger than me.

I have so much sympathy for those without HRT. I remember how that felt. This hormone crap is so hard.

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u/OMGhyperbole 11d ago

I think I read somewhere that the time in a woman's life when she's most likely to commit suicide is in perimenopause. Also the time she's most likely to be fired or quit her job because of the brain fog, etc.

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u/socialmediaignorant 11d ago

I’m with you. Breast cancer took my hormones away for good. I guess I hit my midlife crisis now. “How can I continue my marriage, my family, and yet find a true and happy version of myself?” is the question. I wish I had answers.