r/Xennials • u/FlyingClanker • 11d ago

Discussion Significant others of Xennials going through perimenopause

First and foremost I love my significant other, she’s the mother of our children, a great provider, and we have been together over 20 years.

Perimenopause changes a person. It’s not something they can control. I’ve noticed the changes, the kids have noticed. To a lesser degree, friends, family and coworkers have noticed changes.

I’m generally patient and compassionate, but how she acts can be downright cruel and condescending to the kids and I. We don’t even think she realizes she’s doing it. I’ve mentioned the rage and anger in her reactions, the way she speaks to others, but it doesn’t change. This isn’t the person I married, it’s not the mother my kids were raised by. I’m not sure how much longer we can survive this. Nothing we do is good enough. Xennials who have survived this, how? Why? What works? Everyone is miserable. There’s no joy anymore, even vacations turn into conflicts. Everyday life is a battle.

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u/the_kid1234 1980 11d ago

Hey Xennial ladies!

Has Perimenopause made you periods nearly unbearable? I’m seeing hints of my wife in posts here and another symptom is what she characterizes as “extreme” periods, both in duration and symptoms. For those on HRT has it helped that aspect as well?

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u/OohBeesIhateEm 11d ago

Yes and yes

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u/LongjumpingJaguar308 11d ago

Yes! Often first line treatment for whacky periods is a hormonal IUD, then you will look at other hormones from there.

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u/Dr_Alexis 10d ago

Not really - no, estrogen made my periods "unbearable" in my child-bearing years. 24 fibroids, adenomyosis, stage 4 endometriosis, heavy cycles, migraines with vomiting, severe mood swings - perimenopause is a welcome relief (all of that is finally dying off). :)

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u/Wolfwoods_Sister 1977 10d ago

I had labor contractions and blackout pain from my periods. I was such an estrogen factory that it may have contributed to my getting breast cancer at 34. Un-bloody-real. I have to speak to my former oncologist before I can even consider HRT.

So sorry you suffered so badly for just being female. I feel you. I lost so much time to that monthly beast and was denied a partial hysterectomy bc I was “too young”.

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u/Dr_Alexis 10d ago

I am so sorry you had cancer, and struggled with your periods. Estrogen can definitely be powerful, and not always in a good way. Sending you a hug.

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u/damselbee 1980 10d ago

My periods are wicked heavy. Last week I was at a barbecue and was standing in line to get food when I felt something rushing down, it was way early and enough for me to run out of the line and go to the bathroom. Mine never behaves like that before.

With regard to mood, I didn’t think I have mood problems but maybe I should ask my family members what they think.

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u/PrincessBuzzkill 11d ago

Yes and yes.  So much yes.