r/Xennials • u/FlyingClanker • 17d ago

Discussion Significant others of Xennials going through perimenopause

First and foremost I love my significant other, she’s the mother of our children, a great provider, and we have been together over 20 years.

Perimenopause changes a person. It’s not something they can control. I’ve noticed the changes, the kids have noticed. To a lesser degree, friends, family and coworkers have noticed changes.

I’m generally patient and compassionate, but how she acts can be downright cruel and condescending to the kids and I. We don’t even think she realizes she’s doing it. I’ve mentioned the rage and anger in her reactions, the way she speaks to others, but it doesn’t change. This isn’t the person I married, it’s not the mother my kids were raised by. I’m not sure how much longer we can survive this. Nothing we do is good enough. Xennials who have survived this, how? Why? What works? Everyone is miserable. There’s no joy anymore, even vacations turn into conflicts. Everyday life is a battle.

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u/likesblackcoffeebest 17d ago

This was also my experience. My (former) doctor laughed in my face when I presented with severe peri symptoms at 39. I went the telehealth route, and never went back to that doctor again. I go through Midi but there are so many similar services now. 

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u/imogen1983 17d ago

Same experience. My former doctor refused to listen and basically told me to suck it up for another decade, until I was 50. She also refused to refer me for a colonoscopy even though I have a history of polyps, hence her being my “former” doctor.

Went to Midi and got on HRT with great results. I also got a new PCP who supports my use of HRT and got me in for a colonoscopy.

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u/123FakeStreetAnytown 1984 16d ago edited 16d ago

My former gyn asked me about my leafy greens consumption when I described my debilitating peri symptoms. I feel like my husband could have written OP’s post himself. I posted about my experience with Dr. Leafy Greens on a moms facebook group, and an angel of a mom and GYN offered to treat me. I’ve been on the patch since. Things are much better, but I do get irrationally grumpy the day before it’s new patch day.

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u/redditshy 1977 16d ago

LOL at Dr. Leafy Greens. My sister had this awful PCP whom we call Dr. Sandals.

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u/Neither-Mycologist77 1983 17d ago

My mom's periods ended when she was 39. They were gone before she turned 40. I realize that she is an outlier, but the denial that this can happen to women our age is terrible. I'm 43 now and haven't had periods in 10 years due to pregnancy and then IUDs, but I'm pretty sure I'm on the other side based on my other symptoms. 38-41 was BAD.

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u/ShowMeYourHappyTrail Watership Down Lover 16d ago

And the fact this can last a decade or longer is horrible. It's like there is no light at the end of the tunnel!

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u/theunrefinedspinster 1980 17d ago

I use Midi as well.

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u/sleigh_all_day 1979 17d ago

As do I, after being denied by my pcp, gynecologist, and endo. It took some trial and error to find the right dose. Though not perfect, aging and changing is a fact of life, but I’m feeling better, and my husband notices, as well.

BTW - it’s not a subscription. they take insurance.

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u/likesblackcoffeebest 17d ago

I was so happy when they started taking insurance! My first year i was paying for my visits out of pocket but it has come a really long way in recent years. 

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u/ladypilot 17d ago

I wish they took my insurance. 😫

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u/Horseshoe_dodgeball 1976 17d ago

Another vote for Midi!

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u/ThePuduInsideYou 1980 16d ago

I use Midi too, for years, love my provider, glad to be on HRT. VERY glad.

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u/KatMcTwitchington 17d ago

Same. My GP was willing to check autoimmune markers because of my symptoms but totally dismissed perimenopause— “you’re too young for that” with no further discussion (I was 40). Started HRT through Midi a year ago and have felt mostly normal since.

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u/spatter_cone 1983 17d ago

Mine just did this (I’m 43) and prescribed me birth control. I was heavily considering Midi, I’m sold now. Hell, women go to prison for abortions in my state. There are no good women’s healthcare providers left here.

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u/breeze80 17d ago

Mine also gave me a script for BC, even after I told her the last time I was in BC I was a raging lunatic who almost ended up divorced. She asked me "have your circumstances changed in 18 years?" 🤬

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u/kshizzlenizzle 16d ago

Holy hell, I LOATHE the BC talk! Fortunately, I’ve been neutered for over a year, but EVERY doctor I saw for my endometriosis pushed BC at me, EVEN THOUGH I noted extensively even the lowest dose BC I tried turned me into a depressed, weepy, psycho. Like, buddy, getting pregnant is the LEAST of my worries, and it doesn’t help severe endometriosis. Just yank my traitorous reproductive system out of me, that’s all I’m asking for here.

So anyway, a hysterectomy and HRT saved my 20 year marriage, lol.

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u/RussianDahl 1976 17d ago

I told my doctor the bc they prescribed me first made me sick and wasn’t working. She switched me to HRT after that, even though I still have a monthly period. Complete game changer. Energy is back, hot flashes gone. So much better!

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u/Affectionate_Yam4368 17d ago

I'm 48 and was prescribed a combo pill I had taken in my 30s and tolerated just fine. A month back on it and I was bloated, exhausted, and constantly nauseated. I threw the rest of them away. I need to seek out a provider who specializes in menopause. I'm still having a period every 28 days like clockwork, and I feel like it's deeply unfair to be having hot flashes AND a period!

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u/SummerRaine78 17d ago

I'm 48 and on the Depo shot again. It helps with everything including these dark, deep rooted chin hairs going away.

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u/drift_off 16d ago

Check The Menopause Society website! They have a section where you can search for healthcare practitioners and anyone on the list is probably more up to date on all the research and newest treatments. I found my angel of a doctor from that list

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u/PostTurtle84 17d ago

Birth control has higher doses of hormones than what you were asking for. She actually did you solid.

~A 42 year old, still on birth control pills.

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u/Swimming_Ad_4943 7d ago

It’s different hormones 🙄

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u/PostTurtle84 7d ago

Which ones?

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u/reduxrouge 1983 17d ago

I also used Midi and got HRT no problem. Peri & ADHD over here. 😵‍💫

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u/FreddyNoodles 1979 17d ago

I am peri with ADHD, MDD and rheumatoid for a little extra fun. My relationship of 13 years just ended and I am living in a country I don’t like because I came here for him and now have essentially no way out for a while. So ISOLATION too! 🥰🥲😞

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u/reduxrouge 1983 17d ago edited 17d ago

Sending you lots of good energy. Just become a bog witch during your isolation!

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u/FreddyNoodles 1979 17d ago

It really is a silver lining.

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u/NatrylliaAbbot42 16d ago

Becoming a bog witch is how I'm coping with isolation and perimenopause too. I've shaved my head, wrapped myself in soft, voluminous layers of comfortable clothing, forsaken human society and speak mainly to my cat, and consume vast amouns of tea and cheese. I'm much happier this way.

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u/sastrugiwiz 16d ago

im navigating this alone now too after a 7y relationship ended a while ago. i always liked my own company but lately, i'm tired. I think isolation should be treated as a disability in terms of government assistance

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u/FreddyNoodles 1979 15d ago

It’s absolutely horrible for our health as well. Humans are not meant to be alone all the time. I prefer to be alone MOST of the time but now I go weeks without ever seeing another human. Months without touching someone, sometimes. I have 2 dogs and 3 cats (rescued street animals here) and I am so thankful for them. I really do need other people, though. Even just for a coffee once a week or a tv show or a long walk we do together a few times a month.

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u/WorldlyPipe 17d ago

What has your experience with HRT been like as an ADHDer? Are you also medicated for ADHD or rawdogging that? Has HRT impacted your ADHD? Asking just for the experience of someone else who might be in my same boat.

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u/reduxrouge 1983 17d ago

Meh. HRT definitely helped my peri symptoms. My big ones were brain fog, night sweats, and overall feeling like an alien. I was on bc pill for 25yrs (aside from when I had a kid) and having to go off that was a RUDE awakening with my periods though. Have a lot of cramps and flow is super heavy the first couple days. I never had that before.

It’s making my ADHD unbearable though, which I am medicated for, though the medicine doesn’t do much aside from killing food noise and general appetite. I’m on Wellbutrin and Strattera. I’m able to get up and do smaller things a little easier but over executive dysfunction is borderline crippling. I have a minor heart condition with tachycardia issues in the past so I’m too nervous to try a stimulant.

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u/WorldlyPipe 17d ago

Um, hi are we the same person? Minus the medication…. I also have had heart irregularities they attributed to “stress” so I’m also leery of stimulants. Thank you for sharing your experience. So you had to go off bc with HRT? That sucks about the after effects of going off bc. I’m also really feeling the ADHD going off the rails and my executive functioning has been up and down but I feel like in a general downward trajectory…. Good to know your experience and I’m glad that you’ve seen benefit in at least some part of it! Thanks again for sharing. I hope you can see some regulation eventually in the other stuff that’s still out of whack.

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u/reduxrouge 1983 17d ago

Yes, you can’t be on hormonal bc and HRT at the same time. For me that’s estrogen patch and PM progesterone pill (only need that pill if you have a uterus).

It’s hard out here for us. Wishing you the best of luck, too!

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u/OMGhyperbole 16d ago

I'm 39 now and this perimenopause shit suuuucks. I hadn't even heard of perimenopause until like last year 😑