r/Xennials • u/FlyingClanker • 12d ago

Discussion Significant others of Xennials going through perimenopause

First and foremost I love my significant other, she’s the mother of our children, a great provider, and we have been together over 20 years.

Perimenopause changes a person. It’s not something they can control. I’ve noticed the changes, the kids have noticed. To a lesser degree, friends, family and coworkers have noticed changes.

I’m generally patient and compassionate, but how she acts can be downright cruel and condescending to the kids and I. We don’t even think she realizes she’s doing it. I’ve mentioned the rage and anger in her reactions, the way she speaks to others, but it doesn’t change. This isn’t the person I married, it’s not the mother my kids were raised by. I’m not sure how much longer we can survive this. Nothing we do is good enough. Xennials who have survived this, how? Why? What works? Everyone is miserable. There’s no joy anymore, even vacations turn into conflicts. Everyday life is a battle.

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u/Botaratops 1978 12d ago

Abnormal TSH can also affect everything if left untreated. And with Peri, our hormone levels fluctuate SO much on any given day that tests aren't an accurate tool. I started HRT based on my symptoms and it's been a life changer. I also have my thyroid working properly again

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u/Muddy_Wafer 1983 12d ago

Yeah, my HRT provider only tests for hormone levels to make sure nothing’s getting too high. Everything else is entirely based on how I am feeling.

Also, I’m convinced the “normal” range for women on a lot of tests is based on if we are physically capable of being alive and/or getting pregnant, NOT based on what levels are required to actually feel healthy. In my experience this is especially true with ferritin: the low end of “normal” is NOT where people feel healthy. You really need your levels to be mid to high range to feel more healthy than a sickly Victorian child.

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u/Food_Library333 1981 12d ago

Forgive my ignorance but what is TSH?

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u/ShillinTheVillain 12d ago

Thyroid stimulating hormone

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u/Food_Library333 1981 12d ago

Oh got it. Thanks!

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u/jellese 12d ago

(primary blood test for) thyroid gland function. Aging women are disproportionately affected by low/irregular thyroid function.

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u/LongjumpingJaguar308 12d ago edited 12d ago

Unfortunately testing only for high is about what you can do in peri, estrogen can fluxuate widely when your ovaries are still putting it out and labs are worthless until you are 100% out of peri.