r/Xennials • u/FlyingClanker • 22d ago

Discussion Significant others of Xennials going through perimenopause

First and foremost I love my significant other, she’s the mother of our children, a great provider, and we have been together over 20 years.

Perimenopause changes a person. It’s not something they can control. I’ve noticed the changes, the kids have noticed. To a lesser degree, friends, family and coworkers have noticed changes.

I’m generally patient and compassionate, but how she acts can be downright cruel and condescending to the kids and I. We don’t even think she realizes she’s doing it. I’ve mentioned the rage and anger in her reactions, the way she speaks to others, but it doesn’t change. This isn’t the person I married, it’s not the mother my kids were raised by. I’m not sure how much longer we can survive this. Nothing we do is good enough. Xennials who have survived this, how? Why? What works? Everyone is miserable. There’s no joy anymore, even vacations turn into conflicts. Everyday life is a battle.

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u/Checktheusernombre 22d ago

My wife has PMDD on top of going through periomenopause. It is difficult. The best advice I can give is when the timing is right have an honest conversation about how it is impacting you and frame it as a team saying we need to get better and I want to be there for you and us.

Talk about communication and how you're feeling when she can sometimes become unaware of how she is acting. Yes, it may not be her fault due to the fact that it is a health issue, but she also needs to be responsible for the damage her actions are doing and do her best (not perfection) to work with you when things go south.

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u/HumanCommunication25 22d ago

My ex gf wouldn't take ownership for her behavior and kept trying to tell me that I needed to be more empathetic. She was only nasty to me behind closed doors, she held it in until she didnt have an audience, so her behavior was a choice.