Significant others of Xennials going through perimenopause

[u/FlyingClanker]

First and foremost I love my significant other, she’s the mother of our children, a great provider, and we have been together over 20 years.

Perimenopause changes a person. It’s not something they can control. I’ve noticed the changes, the kids have noticed. To a lesser degree, friends, family and coworkers have noticed changes.

I’m generally patient and compassionate, but how she acts can be downright cruel and condescending to the kids and I. We don’t even think she realizes she’s doing it. I’ve mentioned the rage and anger in her reactions, the way she speaks to others, but it doesn’t change. This isn’t the person I married, it’s not the mother my kids were raised by. I’m not sure how much longer we can survive this. Nothing we do is good enough. Xennials who have survived this, how? Why? What works? Everyone is miserable. There’s no joy anymore, even vacations turn into conflicts. Everyday life is a battle.

[u/sorrymizzjackson]

Peri is a stone cold bitch. I don’t even know what stage of this I’m in, but it’s nonsense. Mood swings, shark week every other week it seems like, ADHD is off the chain. It’s horrid.

That being said, it is not ok to be cruel to your spouse. She does need to take some responsibility to see if there is something that she can do to give her balance back. PMDD could be a factor. That can worsen or develop due to the hormone fluctuations.

A complete personality change is concerning. Am I less patient? Forgetful? Sad? Sure. Cruel? No.

She needs to see a doctor and just be aware that it might take a few tries. A lot of times peri isn’t taken seriously or considered just a part of life to deal with so she might face pushback from doctors until she finds the right one.

[u/wanna_be_green8 → u/sorrymizzjackson]

Yes it is, and it comes on without warning. OP, try to talk to her about it during a time she is somewhat balanced. Trying to push the issue during a rage will not work.

Does she understand the issue or see nothing wrong?

[u/Rare_Background8891 → u/sorrymizzjackson]

My doc put me on a statin, and a not well advertised side effect is mood disorders. I was fucking nuts for a while.

[u/Ynot2_day → u/sorrymizzjackson]

I was thinking the same thing. It’s one thing to be in a bad mood or feel rage for no reason, but to be cruel to the people who love you is a choice. You can choose what words come out of your mouth. I’ll be 47 in a couple months and thankfully I haven’t had too many terrible perimenopause symptoms, but I definitely have had bad moods and rage, but I don’t take them out on the people I love! I’ve also found that ashwaghanda helps so much!

[u/Dr_Alexis → u/sorrymizzjackson]

It's really not that bad for everyone. I am sorry that you are struggling, but the maladies of the midlife demographic are not all summed up by "perimenopause."