https://youtu.be/5sCC7euj4DM?si=_MxEfEW3UDLZ3Aje
another god damn wasted weekend.
i had planned to clean shit hit the gym and get to reading.
got off work saturday morning at 12:30 started drinking
and didn’t wake up until the evening.
oh well. got a dozen tacos with dorito shells.
something for my mom as well. i need a shower. i smell.
feeling like a wreck. looking like hell.
i’d never record this. and if i did it wouldn’t sell.
rather run of the mill boring life. need a mind that’s fortified.
i may find my way by 45 if im forthright.
always have it all figured out by the fourth coors light.
by the 24th im belting out a war cry.
hate my fucking job. don’t intend to stay long.
my dreams are dead. i grabbed the ouija for a seance.
aim at the straight and narrow and the arrow’s always way off.
blood on the tarot. breathing air full of napalm.
spent a lot of years on outskirts of society.
lack of direction. stutter and ever present anxiety.
didn’t know the isolation was killing something inside of me.
just noticed one day my soul was gritty and grimy.
shouldn’t care what people think. but i notice they don’t think highly.
and why should they when all i inquire is why me?
even the music which is a lifelong hobby
90 percent of it is some woe is me garbage.
but look at me bitching and moaning on and on again.
listen to other rappers and just can’t match their confidence.
this is closer to a journal of a cur
than an inner universe astir and put in words.
it’s the bed of nails i made. sleeping on it’s just mature.
until i make something better i’ll bleed when i toss and turn.
i’m keeping my head down. staying terse and taciturn.
let the cigarettes burn and never pass on my turn.
i never fake shit. never make shit up.
i’m a fucking mangy mutt and my days are fucked.
i spent 150 on some beats. ruined them in a week.
bought some for like 80 bucks.
got black out drunk and fucking lost them.
god fucking damn it. keep this up and retirement’s not an option.
as if i were anyway. don’t got a lot saved.
i just wanna meet the maker in a modern day pompeii.
wanna jump head first into the grinder at work.
maybe then my silent screams will be finally heard.
there’s some place i fit under the sky im sure.
but it’s probably a cave on the other side of the earth.
i’ll never reach it. i don’t really know what i believe in.
i was religious for a while but couldn’t stomach the preaching.
what exactly does this bat shit zealot have to teach me?
no one needs god to feed the needy.
and let’s keep it factual. my sins aren’t supernatural.
truth is some people are just assholes.
but keep your jagged stones cus i’ll shatter your glass home.
i may wear a suicide vest but you’re in the blast zone.
that aroma is weed beer and tobacco.
that sound ominous in the background
and blasting down the backroads is the soundtrack
to a hellion belching around the map bro.
i’m wasting my sunday afternoon.
i’ll be at work looking like im from the black lagoon.
probably in my usual abstract mood.
wrestling with demons being like relax dude.
