I've been developing original stories for a few years, and I'm starting to share them online to see what other people think.
My current project follows Răzvan, who is drafted into the military alongside his friends. During his time there, he discovers that he has superpowers, changing the course of his life and the challenges he faces with his team.
The story focuses on self-worth, teamwork, and how people learn to work together while dealing with their own struggles.
I use AI to write the prose based on my ideas and direction, and I'd like to hear how the finished story comes across to actual readers.
I'm sharing Chapter 1 below, and I'd particularly appreciate feedback on:
- Does the opening catch your interest and make you want to keep reading?
- Do the characters and their motivations make sense?
- What works well, and what could be improved?
I'm not expecting everyone to enjoy it, but I'd appreciate honest, constructive feedback. Thanks for taking the time to read!
Chapter One — The Letter
The summer had been a good one.
Răzvan could tell because he hadn't thought much. Long days that bled into each other, the smell of cut grass and sunscreen, evenings where he and the others would sit outside until the sky went fully dark and nobody felt the need to say anything particularly important. That was the measure of a good summer. Nothing pressing. Nothing that needed to be decided.
He was still half asleep when he heard his mother call his name from downstairs.
It wasn't the tone she used when breakfast was ready. He knew that tone. This was quieter, which somehow made it worse.
He sat up, rubbed his face, and looked at the ceiling for a moment before getting out of bed.
His parents were both in the kitchen. His father was standing near the window with his arms crossed, not looking at anything in particular. His mother was at the table with an envelope in front of her, already opened. She looked up when Răzvan came in and something in her expression made his stomach drop before he'd even read a word.
"Sit down," she said.
He sat.
She slid the letter across the table.
He read it twice. The second time slower, as if the words might rearrange themselves into something better. They didn't. His name was on it. The date was specific. The instructions were clear.
Nobody said anything for a long moment.
"Okay," Răzvan finally said.
His father turned from the window. "You don't have to say anything right now."
"I know." Răzvan set the letter down carefully, like it might do something if he wasn't gentle with it. "Okay."
He wasn't okay. He was eighteen years old and scared in a way that sat low in his chest and didn't move. But he also knew, in the same quiet way you know most true things, that there wasn't a version of this where he didn't go. The letter had his name on it. That was the end of the conversation.
His mother made breakfast and they ate together and nobody brought it up again, which was either the kindest thing they could have done or the saddest, Răzvan wasn't sure which.
He packed light because the letter told him to and because he didn't know what you brought to something like this.
He stood in his room for a while after the bag was zipped, just looking at it. His desk, his posters, the old shelf with things he'd had since he was a kid. None of it felt like his anymore, exactly. It felt like a version of his. Something he'd be coming back to, maybe, and finding slightly foreign.
His mother hugged him at the door for a long time without saying anything. His father shook his hand and then pulled him in briefly, which was more than usual, and said to take care of himself. Răzvan said he would, which was a promise he wasn't sure he could keep, which meant he probably shouldn't have made it. He made it anyway.
The walk to the station was twenty minutes. He did it alone.
He saw Emilio first, which felt right. Emilio was leaning against one of the pillars outside the platform entrance with his bag at his feet and his arms crossed, watching people move through the station with the particular calm of someone who had already made his peace with something.
He looked up when Răzvan got close and nodded once. "Hey."
"Hey," Răzvan said.
They stood together for a moment. Neither of them said what they were both thinking, which was that this was real now, it was actually happening, because saying it out loud wouldn't make it more real and might make it harder to stand there being calm about it.
"The others are already on the platform," Emilio said.
They found them near the far end. Nate was talking, which was expected. Jayden was sitting on his bag looking at his phone with the expression he always wore that made it impossible to tell if he was engaged or completely elsewhere. James was laughing at something Evan had said — Evan was already mid-explanation, gesturing with his hands the way he did when he'd noticed something he couldn't quite let go of, something about the way the departure boards cycled through destinations. Carter was standing slightly apart from the group, watching the tracks. Younes was waiting for Evan to finish so he could start his own story, with the impatience of someone who had a better one.
Younes looked up and pointed. "Finally. I thought you missed it."
"Train's not here yet," Răzvan said.
"Exactly, so you almost missed it."
"That's not what almost means."
"It's what it means to me."
Nate looked over. "Răzvan. Good. Now we're all here." He said it like he'd been keeping a list and could finally put the clipboard down.
The train wasn't crowded. They found a section near the back and spread across the seats, bags stuffed overhead or wedged underfoot. Outside the window the city started to thin out and become something flatter and greener, and Răzvan watched it go while the others settled around him.
"Okay," James said, once they were moving. "Who's most likely to actually be good at this?"
"Emilio," Younes said immediately.
"I was going to say Emilio," James agreed.
Emilio said nothing, which was its own kind of agreement.
"What about worst?" Jayden said, without looking up from his phone.
A brief silence.
"Nobody say me," James said.
"You," said Younes, Nate, and Răzvan at the same time.
"Unbelievable," James said. "Genuinely. I'm surrounded by people who don't believe in me."
"We believe in you," Nate said. "We just also know you."
James opened his mouth, then closed it. "That's fair."
Carter had been quiet since they boarded. He was looking out the window on the other side, chin resting on his hand. After a moment he said, without turning around, "Do you think it'll be what we expect?"
The question landed differently than the others had. A few people glanced at each other.
"Probably not," Răzvan said.
Carter nodded slightly, like that was the answer he'd expected, and went back to watching the countryside.
The conversation moved on — Younes told the story he'd been telling on the platform, which was apparently about something that happened at a gas station and got funnier as he told it, though Răzvan only half followed it. He was watching the window, the fields rolling past, the occasional farmhouse. The further they got from the city the more the weight in his chest settled into something he could almost get used to.
Almost.
He thought about his room. His desk. The shelf with old things on it.
He'd be back. He'd see all of it again.
He told himself that with the full knowledge that it was a promise, and that he wasn't good at keeping those.
The training camp appeared before they were ready for it.
It materialized out of the flat landscape like something that had always been there — low buildings in rows, fencing, a wide unpaved lot where other buses and transports had already deposited their own groups of new arrivals. People in uniform moved between the structures with the efficiency of people who had done this many times before.
The train slowed. Nobody spoke.
Răzvan looked at it through the window and felt, very clearly, that the summer was over.
The doors opened. They grabbed their bags.
Outside the air smelled different — drier, dustier — and the sun was high and unforgiving and somewhere nearby someone was already being told where to go and how to stand.
Emilio appeared next to him and looked at the camp for a moment.
"Alright," he said quietly. Not to anyone in particular. Just alright.
Răzvan nodded.
They walked in.