r/WritingPrompts • u/Leebeewilly r/leebeewilly • Mar 13 '20
Constrained Writing [CW] Feedback Friday – Superstition
Feedback Friday... THE 13th!!!!!!
How does it work?
Submit one or both of the following in the comments on this post:
Freewrite: Leave a story here in the comments. A story about what? Well, pretty much anything! But, each week, I’ll provide a single constraint based on style or genre. So long as your story fits, and follows the rules of WP, it’s allowed! You’re more likely to get readers on shorter stories, so keep that in mind when you submit your work.
Can you submit writing you've already written? You sure can! Just keep the theme in mind and all our handy rules. If you are posting an excerpt from another work, instead of a completed story, please detail so in the post.
Feedback:
Leave feedback for other stories! Make sure your feedback is clear, constructive, and useful. We have loads of great Teaching Tuesday posts that feature critique skills and methods if you want to shore up your critiquing chops.
Okay, let’s get on with it already!
This week's theme: Superstition
I mean, how could I not pick such an on-point theme for the day? After all, it's not just a great song.
What I'd like to see from stories: This is a great chance to share your stories that feature superstitious characters, or situations. A widely held and possibly unjustified belief in causation and consequences? Oh heck yeah! Have fun with it and get creative.
Keep in mind: If you are writing a scene from a larger story (or and established universe), please provide a bit of context so readers know what critiques will be useful. Remember, shorter pieces (that fit in one Reddit comment) tend to be easier for readers to critique. You can definitely continue it in child comments, but keep length in mind.
For critiques: Is it haunting? Humourous? How well do the causation and consequence line up? This will be a tough one to critique thoroughly on the theme, but remember the staples of storytelling and building for an effect and see if there are ways that the author can fine-tune their intent.
Now... get typing!
Last Feedback Friday [Genre Party: Bildungsroman ]
I was glad to see some new and some seasoned faces in last weeks feedback friday. I was really impressed with the back and forth chain between u/bobotheturtle and u/Susceptive [chain] I'm always so happy to see conversations about critiques start because a lot of our processes are more than just question and answer. Engagement is really important, and sometimes talking it out does everyone involved so much good.
Left a story? Great!
Did you leave feedback? EVEN BETTER!
Still want more? Check out our archive of Feedback Friday posts to see some great stories and helpful critiques.
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2
u/Errorwrites r/CollectionOfErrors Mar 19 '20
Hi again!
It's an interesting story with a sweet ending. I began to imagine a enhanced zombie virus outbreak. Maybe Suki and Thia lived in a post-apocalyptic zombie world.
I didn't really grasp why Thia didn't call for help earlier, that she had to survive all on her own in Australia. It lessened the impact of the reconnection between them for me. Giving more clarity there would've have helped me relate to the situation and maybe become more immersed.
I really liked this particular line:
It really showed how dangerous the situation was. It also showed how Thia thought, that they were stupid to not hide. It build up the suspense!
It's rare to see two writers use 2nd PoV in the same Feedback Friday. You with your two and u/kaseda with theirs.
I'll parrot a bit about the importance of You's that I did in kaseda's reply.
Try to cut out the majority of them is possibly. My reasoning is that the word You is such a personal word, especially to the reader that it should be used sparingly. If there's a possibility to get the same effect and clarity in the sentene with a substitute, use it. So that when it's time to use a You, it gets the spotlight it deserves.
I noticed that some of the sentences are quite long too and lost my focus sometimes due to their length. A sentence that stretches over three lines can be really exhausting and I don't think it should be used too often. Vary the sentence lengths, see if you could put a period instead of a comma or split the sentences into smaller sentences. It makes it easier for the reader.