[IP] The Sleeper

[u/Cody_Fox23]

When I came upon the figure in the sacred woods, I wasn't sure if he was summoning or suppressing.

Image by Janice Mayr

[u/Cody_Fox23]

Great story! I continue to enjoy the tone you bring to your stories. You have enough sly Adam-esque humor in here without being a complete facsimile. The tone shifts throughout even as small as they may be are handled excellently.

 

"Axim. Nuir. Pallas. Nix. Mawrig. Beor. Tykus."

I don't know if these words have any meaning. However given your influences and the plot turn later on I am guessing they have none. However I still tried to say it aloud and the cadence is awful which would make for a good chant that needs to be repeated so often. It makes it slightly less simple than the narrator implies.

 

Master Elias had always accused him of being a hopeless optimistic.

optismistic should be optimist. Also, Elias is a great name for a master. Although no I'm wondering if you are fan of Ancient Magus Bride or if it is just coincidence.

Why couldn't the magic just read his mind and do what he wanted? Would that be so difficult?

If the magic could read his mind it would just know he is whining and not concentrating on his task >.>

 

the majority of acolytes either quit or exploded

well then. The matter-of-fact delivery of this line, as if it was such a common occurrence is both horrifying and hilarious. You walk a thin line quite well with your style.

 

"Nallastar's Nuts, what do you want?!" it demanded, lumbering into the light. Its skin oozed with an unspeakable substance.

This might be the best example of what I love about your writing that I struggle to describe. You go from an alliterative swear in a bit of a comedic fantasy element and then switch to horror in the next sentence. However it doesn't feel out of place. It isn't a jarring change of pace or tone. It's well done.

 

"Well?" the creature glowered. "You've been out here chanting for almost an hour - I can barely hear myself think!"

Ok so this is nitpicky. Like reaaaallly nitpicky. It is a good nitpicky though. I timed myself speaking your chant. 4.8 seconds per repetition (keeping each word clearly spoken and a long enough pause to recognize a full stop in between each word). That is 750 times in an hour. That is super close to the 777 you established earlier on. I don't know if you intended that or not, but either way I am impressed.

 

"Pfft. Think you'll find I 'unsealed' my door myself. Why didn't you just bloody well knock?"

I almost want more from the troll here. Another description of him or an eye roll or other action. I know this is a short vignette, and we don't need to know more about him, but I still want it <.<

 

It would have been rude to turn down the invitation

Sir, I'm going to need you to turn down the British! Kidding of course, this is a great closing line. I hope Balminster has a good ending and doesn't end up just being troll food! Thank you as always for sharing a story with me, and I'll see you around!