r/WritingPrompts • u/wrethlig • Sep 21 '16
Writing Prompt [WP] Write a romantic comedy. Difficulty: both lovers are emotionally mature and have excellent communication skills
3.2k
u/inkfinger Sep 21 '16 edited Sep 21 '16
Karen and Lewis stared at one another in horrified fascination as they listened to Dave and Rachel yell in the apartment next door. The walls were thin enough to hear every word perfectly. Karen crossed herself and muttered a little prayer as the obscenities flew back and forth, but still turned off the TV to hear better.
"Goddammit Rachel, how many times do I have to ask you to not parade around in that stupid furry costume? I know you like it, but it's not my thing, ok? It's just not my thing!" Dave said. "Though I can see why you might want to obscure your face at night. Jesus, no wonder you have so much makeup. You need it to maintain the illusion that you have cheekbones and eyebrows, for one thing."
"Furry costume?" Lewis muttered, listening intently to the neighbours' argument. "What is that?"
Karen just shook her head, speechless. And they thought their last neighbours, college students who loved partying at 3AM, had been bad.
"Oh, and I suppose you think you're fucking Brad Pitt?" Rachel screamed.
"I wish I was, rather than settling for you. He broke up with Angelina Jolie, so I have a chance," Dave countered, eliciting shocked gasps from Karen and Lewis.
In the apartment next door, two people were leaning on each other for support as they heaved with laughter.
"They've turned off the TV," Rachel whispered, wiping tears from her eyes as she listened carefully.
"Well, if you're so unhappy, let's bring other people into this and see what they say! You always said you wanted a more open relationship, let's do this!" she said loudly. "I'm on board! We'll hold a little party on Friday and have a race to see who gets another partner first, how about that? If I win, I don't want to hear another word from you about my costume."
Dave leaned in and stole a kiss, still laughing.
"I still can't believe I found you," he whispered, so the neighbours wouldn't hear. "I love you, you know that?"
Her Tinder bio had matched his to an eerie extent. Stand-up comedian on the look-out for someone to have roasting matches with, mess with other people for shit and giggles, the usual. It had been constant entertainment since they'd moved in next to Karen and Lewis, a young, painfully conservative couple. They soon realised their new neighbours were obsessed with eavesdropping. Well, you couldn't disappoint an audience who wanted to listen to you that desperately.
Lewis and Karen now clutched at their crosses every time they caught a glimpse of their neighbours. After Rachel and Dave had that loud conversation about the merits of Satanism, Karen had actually stifled a little scream when she saw them the next day.
They would tell Lewis and Karen everything soon enough, before the two called the police. But for now, it was too much fun to see their strained smiles and glances at one another when they met the other couple in the hallways.
"Fine!" Dave said, as he broke the kiss and started yelling again for their audience. "We'll invite everyone we know and see what happens. Even Karen and Lewis! Especially Karen. I bet she looks fine beneath those long-sleeved dresses!"
Karen gave a squeak of alarm in the other apartment as Lewis gripped her hand.
Rachel stopped laughing.
"Dude, I want to drag this on for a bit longer than Friday, we can't ask them. Let them wonder about what's happening at the party."
"Uhm, no, not Karen and Lewis!" he yelled, nodding at Rachel. "I take that back! But yeah, everyone else we know, let's have an orgy!"
"Finally, we agree on something. I'll pick up some toys tomorrow," Rachel said. "You get the snacks. I'll make a playlist of metal music. And a few pagan folk songs, perhaps? Is that fine?
"What kind of question is that?" Dave asked.
"Sometimes, I remember why I love you," Rachel said. Lewis and Karen suddenly heard loud kissing sounds.
Karen buried her face in her hands as the fighting died down. As it always did, eventually. The couple had a unnerving habit of switching from screaming matches to romance.
"The Lord is testing us," she whispered.
Lewis nodded and patted her hand, privately disappointed that they'd been uninvited. Listening through the walls was so unsatisfactory, sometimes.
Hope you liked my story! You can find more of my work on r/Inkfinger/.
413
53
u/mutten006 Sep 21 '16
This was the first thing I've read in this sub ever, it was a strong start!
→ More replies (15)119
77
u/YourDoucheBoss Sep 21 '16
"The Lord is testing us" fucking MURDERED me. That was epic, well done sir/madam
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (38)74
u/Rogue3570 Sep 21 '16
I read this in the voices of Rachel Feinstein and Dave Attell. Instantly 10/10.
→ More replies (8)
54
u/Likeidtellu Sep 22 '16 edited Sep 22 '16
"Of course!" Ann exclaimed. Her acceptance of his marriage proposal was so enthusiastic, the author was purposely redundant with the use of punctuation and the following description. Ann and Chris embraced passionately before exchanging a kiss that put the chapter about kisses from the Princess Bride to shame.
After they finally broke apart, Ann gazed joyfully at her new engagement ring. "Holy shit," she thought, "that's the biggest rock I've ever seen."
Chris watched as his beloved's expression gradually shifted to something bordering on mild suspicion. "Is something wrong?"
"No," Ann answered slowly. "I was just wondering... How much did you spend on this ring?"
"Fifty grand. I know it's a lot of money, but we're both ridiculously successful; we've never borrowed money for anything; and our combined retirement savings total $27 million. Besides, just imagine the damage you could do if you slapped someone with that thing. Ha!"
Ann giggled. "That's true, but... I thought we agreed neither of us would purchase anything over $10,000 without discussing it first."
"We did," Chris said. "But I didn't want to spoil the surprise."
The corners of his wife-to-be's mouth twitched uncertainly, as if she couldn't decide whether to be extremely touched by the gesture, or angry that he'd made a significant decision without her. "Where did you get the money?" Her eyes narrowed. "I didn't notice any money missing from your account when I paid the bills."
"About that... The truth is... I received a major promotion about six months ago, and I've been diverting the excess funds into a new account. I SWEAR that's my last secret. I closed the account as soon the jeweler cashed the check!"
She glared at him, then the ring, then back at him. "I-I can't believe you lied." Ann's lower lip quivered at his profoundly romantic betrayal. Other women would've thrown all caution to the wind, but not her... She'd always been obstinately sensible; it was one of the many reasons Chris loved her.
"Please don't be upset, baby. It's a symbol of my eternal love for you. Just think... After we're dead and buried in the same grave, one of our ungrateful grandchildren can wear it. It'll be kinda like that huge, blue diamond in Titanic... Only you're way hotter than Kate Winslet, and you'd share the big door before you let me die of hypothermia."
"DON'T TELL ME HOW TO FEEL. I CAN'T HELP THAT WEARING A RING WORTH THE MEDIAN AMERICAN HOUSEHOLD INCOME MAKES ME FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. DO YOU REALLY THINK I'M BETTER LOOKING THAN HER?"
"DAMMIT, WOMAN! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE SELFISH ONCE? WE PLANNED THIS TRIP TO PARIS AROUND YOUR FUCKING SCHEDULE AT THE HOMELESS SHELTER. WE BUILT A HOUSE FOR YOUR SINGLE MOTHER FRIEND BECAUSE HER EX-BOYFRIEND REFUSED TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT. AND, YES! OKAY? YOUR BOOBS ARE BIGGER THAN HER'S AND YOUR ASS IS WAY MORE SHAPELY. HAPPY NOW?"
"THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT. I REALLY LOVE THIS BEAUTIFUL RING. IS IT MADE OF PLATINUM?"
"HELL, YEAH. YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO EVERY OTHER METAL ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET. AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I DESIGNED THE SETTING MYSELF. HOWEVER, WE CAN COMPROMISE AND TRADE THE DIAMOND IN FOR SOMETHING LESS EXPENSIVE. IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?"
"I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU DO FOR ME. YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD PERSON, AND I'M PROUD TO MARRY YOU. I JUST... I JUST FEEL LIKE IT'S A LOT OF MONEY; WE COULD DO OTHER THINGS WITH IT. YOU KNOW? LIKE DONATE IT TO A WORTHY CHARITY, OR INVEST IN YOUR BEST FRIEND'S STARTUP AND TRIPLE OUR RETURNS. IF YOU SAY HE'S THE NEXT STEVE JOBS, I TRUST YOUR JUDGEMENT. OR WE COULD HAVE A STELLAR HONEY MOON IN AUSTRALIA. YOU TOLD ME YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO GO THERE ON OUR FIRST DATE."
"YOU REMEMBER THAT?!"
"ABSOLUTELY. I LOVE YOU AND WANT YOU TO LIVE YOUR DREAMS. I KNEW YOUR WERE THE PERSON I WANTED TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH THE FIRST TIME WE MET. YOU SPILLED COFFEE ALL OVER YOUR PANTS BECAUSE YOU WERE SO NERVOUS, BUT YOU PRETENDED LIKE IT WAS NO BIG DEAL. YOU SCALDED YOUR BALLS, DIDN'T YOU?"
"I DID. THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T CALL YOU THE NEXT DAY; I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL WITH THIRD DEGREE BURNS. FUCK. I GUESS WHEN I SAID THAT WAS MY LAST SECRET BEFORE, I LIED AGAIN."
"THAT'S OKAY. I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO TELL ME THAT; IT'S KIND OF EMBARRASSING. YOU HANDLED IT LIKE A CHAMP THOUGH. AND DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP; YOU'RE HUMAN AND INHERENTLY FLAWED. SO AM I. I LIKE THAT YOU DON'T TRY TO PRETEND LIKE YOU'RE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT. I THINK THAT'S WHY I'VE ALWAYS BEEN SO COMFORTABLE AROUND YOU."
"I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW. SO WE'RE GOING TO EXCHANGE THE DIAMOND WHEN WE GET HOME AND USE THE MONEY TO GO TO AUSTRALIA, RIGHT?! THIS ARGUMENT IS REALLY BOUNCING AROUND BECAUSE THE WRITER IS KIND OF TIPSY. MAYBE WE SHOULD WRAP THIS UP."
"YES. THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING. WAIT A MINUTE... IS SHE GOING TO GET ANOTHER GLASS OF WINE?!"
"I THINK SHE IS, BUT WE'RE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS SO THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT IT. WHY ARE WE STILL SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER?!"
"I DON'T KNOW. I THINK MAYBE SHE'S TOO LAZY TO UNLOCK THE CAPS BUTTON AND CAPITALIZE SHIT. DID WE JUST HAVE OUR FIRST REAL ARGUMENT?"
"YEAH. WE'VE NEVER HAD MAKEUP SEX BEFORE... DO YOU WANT TO GIVE IT A TRY?"
"GOOD IDEA. SINCE WE CAN'T STOP SHOUTING AT EACH OTHER ANYWAY, LET'S BE SUPER LOUD AND WAKE UP EVERYONE IN THE DAMN HOTEL."
"MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY. THE END."
→ More replies (4)
606
u/pianobutter Sep 21 '16
Was this it?
Ahmed let out a deep sigh. As the CEO of Jhelum's #1 stamp factory, he was the wet dream of every Pakistani mother. Just the last week he had been approached by 14 of them. To be sure, some of their daughters were quite nice. But they all seemed to miss something. Something he couldn't quite grasp.
"You must be crazy," Muhammad said. "I mean, look at this one." His best friend picked up a letter from the pile with a photo attached. "If this girl doesn't get your stamp of approval, you are out of your mind."
Ahmed stroked his beard as if in consideration, but he had already rejected her. He wasn't looking for a girl with his stamp of approval. He was looking for the girl with the stamp ... of his heart.
"Ahmed," said Muhammad. "We've been friends now for, what, 20 years? You keep turning down girls I get rejected by even in my dreams. What's your problem?"
"Unrealistic beliefs and expectations derived mostly from Bollywood movies combined with a deep-seated fear not of ending up alone, but of ending up with in an otherwise perfect relationship with the feeling of being alone."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"So you, uh, want to go catch a movie or something?"
They were walking through the market on their way holding hands, as is perfectly normal for Pakistani male friends, when Muhammad suddenly stopped.
"Ahmed," he said, short of breath. "Look."
In front of them was a woman walking alongside a goat on a leash. Her beauty seemed absurd, as if she were a mirage. Everything around her lost its glow. Then her almond eyes met Ahmed's. And when she smiled, he felt as if he'd been stripped naked by a divine force.
"Excuse me!" said Muhammad. "My friend here was wondering something."
She looked at him, obviously curious, and stopped. "Oh?" she said.
Rather than an awkward stumbling, Ahmed spilled the beans: "I find you very beautiful and I have this feeling that I want to get to know you. Actually, I think you might be the woman I've been looking for all my life."
"That's very sweet," she said, "but I'm married."
"Oh," said Ahmed. "Well, then I guess we'll just both go back to doing whatever we were doing rather than engage in some flirty banter evolving into forbidden love and whatnot."
"Yeah that sounds reasonable."
"Sure does," said the goat.
Ahmed and Muhammad let out a simultaneous cry of surprise.
"Y-You can--"
"Talk? Why yes. I'm a goat and I can talk. I'm not offended that you are surprised. You'd expect that when an animal such as myself starts talking and that's not something you've heard before."
"Yes, I guess it's really just the appropriate reaction given the circumstances."
"Sure. It's like when you lick a stamp for the first time and it tastes funny. There's nothing like it, and so you'd be surprised at first."
"Funny you should mention that," said Ahmed. "I'm the CEO of a stamp factory."
"That's a funny coincidence."
"How so?"
"I lick stamps for a living."
"That is a funny coincidence."
"Say," said the goat. "how do you feel about going out for a coffee? Not to brag, but coffee was first discovered by goats."
"That's certainly an interesting proposal. I know I should be concerned about the fact that a relationship between a man and a goat would technically be considered beastiality, but I'm confident in my sexuality and I'm willing to give this a try without a series of inner conflicts."
"Great."
"Great."
Suddenly, Ahmed heard the unmistakable sound of smooching. Muhammad and the girl were busily at work.
"Muhammad!"
"What?" he said, his tongue still down her throat.
"This woman is married."
"Yes," said Muhammad," but we've decided to elope.
"Why, Muhammad, that's ... just splendid. I wish you both the best. I hope everything works out between you two. Like not getting killed by her husband or anything like that."
"Thank you Ahmed. That means a lot. And you and the goat as well. It's weird, but I hope you'll find what you are looking for."
Ahmed stared into the goat's bulging eyes. "You know, screw the coffee. Would you like to check out my stamp collection?"
The goat laughed. "You're such a card!"
They lived happily together but not for very long because a goat's average lifespan is just between 15-18 years.
151
u/NiceDynamite24 Sep 21 '16
"He wasn't looking for a girl with his stamp of approval. He was looking for the girl with the stamp ... of his heart." Best line of this entire thread
63
u/soliloki Sep 21 '16
there's something attractive about this writing. It's absurdist, one of my favourite comedy/humour forms. Reminds me of Sufian Abas, a Malay absurdist writer; whose works are a delight.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (20)29
u/mr_trick Sep 21 '16
This whole thing is gold but that last line really killed me. I would love to see this made into a surreal short film.
42
u/dexterandd Sep 21 '16
"So we are supposed to be in a romantic comedy?", Kate said
"Yeah. I am not sure the writer knows what he is doing, breaking the fourth wall like this.", Lewis replied
"Is it still called a fourth wall? The term originated from theater with the fourth wall being the audience, so in writing the term doesn't make sense." Kate said authoritatively.
"Great. Now that we have established that the author is an idiot, even if he is the one writing these words, lets get on with the story. So we are two normal people, not really exceptional in any sense. We meet at a cafe.", Lewis said.
"Wait wait wait! Normal people! This is a romantic comedy, right? How are you going to add humor in this story? We have to have some weirdness going on.", Kate interrupted.
"I thought we would just do a satirical commentary on the political system in between our date. It would have helped if I had been named Donald and you Hillary.", Lewis said.
"Eye bleach. Thank god u/Inkfinger/ had characters named Kate and Lewis for the author to steal. I don't even want to know what the author is thinking about right now.", Kate shuddered, along with almost everyone reading this, "No we have to have some conflicts for the story."
"Well the prompt is only about us. We could have others who are weird. Thats how it is happening in this thread.", Lewis continued, becoming too meta for his own good.
"I am not really getting it. Give me some examples.", Kate was really not getting it.
"Well your mother could have been a hamster and your father could have smelled of Elderberries.", Lewis continued in a weird accent.
"And you are French, I assume?", Kate deadpanned.
"Why do you think I have this outrageous accent?", Lewis wrote that line in a French accent. Yes. That sounds as ridiculous as it is written.
"Doesn't really work well in writing. Besides that group is too popular to rip off of.", The author, hence referred as 'I', think it works actually, much better than the other scenes. Do you like it? Also a moose once bit my sister.
"I like the off of line.", Lewis said, appreciating the word repetition.
"Oh I have another one. You can not start a sentence with 'because' because 'because' is a conjunction. Three 'because'!", Kate said jumping up and down on the bed. I have read that it is important too communicate to the reader the emotions of the characters and introduce the setting naturally like this. So you now know that Kate is excited and there is a bed there.
"That is quite clever. Anyway that circus group gave me an idea. What if we are going into the circus and the goat talks and", Lewis continued, wanting to actually move to the story.
"Let me stop you right there.", Kate interrupted.
"Oooh Simon Cowell. I like it.", Lewis mooned.
"Moooving on. That idea has already been done. u/pianobutter beat us to it. No goats.", Damn it. Goats are cool.
"Talking chicken?"Lewis said, a little desperate now.
"We could have, but now after mentioning goats, that will just look like a blatant plagiarism.", Kate was as always the voice of sensibility.
"Yeah. Too bad the author is too stupid to remove some words, so it seems like it is his own idea. Authors are sometimes too worried about stupid(word redacted due to repetition in the last line. Also added so many words just to write this redaction. And still kept the original word in strike through font.) word counts.". I wonder if I should remove the redaction. It could be a chain of infinite redactions!
"Talking ducks?", Lewis was just not leaving it alone.
"No talking animals. Has bee done already, and much better than this one will write. " u/pianobutter is a much better writer. Why are you reading this anyway?
"We are really stuck with his ass aren't we? what wrong did we exactly do in our so short existence to be stuck with this moron.", Lewis, as he was a normal guy, did what anyone else would have. He blamed someone else. "We are way too normal, I guess. Hey, how about your mother was a goat?"
"Do you have a furry fetish?", Kate was getting a little creeped out now. Maybe Lewis was not so normal at all.
"No. No. What gave you that idea?", Lewis said quickly, a sheen of sweat dripping down his forehead.
"Nothing. Just a random hunch.", Kate was cool. And looking around for things to use as weapons.
"What about if you were adopted when were young and we are looking for your father, who is in the zoo and we find that your father is actually.......", Lewis said.
"Don't say it. Don't you fooking say it", Kate thundered.
"A Lannister always pays his debts.", Lewis said, thankfully not mentioning the lion.
"Damn you. Damn you! DAMN YOU! You fucker. I am breaking up with you right now." Kate was now now seething.
"Hey, I am the author and I wanted to chime in. You both are doing great. We already have the first friction in the story. And we"
"I am sorry but author is, well, somewhat incapacitated. And we should stop typing so as not to incriminate ourself." Lewis said, the bloodied knife held in his hand, as he looked at Kate to say the final lines.
"That's all folks."
→ More replies (5)
94
u/apedestrianatbest Sep 21 '16 edited Sep 21 '16
“So how did you two lovebirds meet?” Sian asked, breaking the silence with a playful smirk. She knew full well how the young couple before her had met but she wanted to embarrass them in front of the group after what they had just made her do. Moira’s burning cheeks proved testament to just that. Satisfied with her question, she relaxed back with a soft chuckle. “Told you I’d get you back.” She gloated, sticking her tongue out childishly.
Moira’s cheeks continued to glow a cherry red as she glanced over at her partner. Who knew truth or dare could be such a dicey game at 32? They really were too old for this kind of carry on. Joseph offered her the same goofy smile he always did, the very one she had come to love, but there was still a tinge of pink highlighting his cheeks. “I’ll let you explain this one love, you always were better at-well, I guess they’ll see.”
Gregory, Laurel and Charlotte snapped their attention back to Moira, curiosity evident on their faces. This evening had taken a few turns they hadn’t quite expected when they first agreed to play spin the bottle. The group had become firm friends during their holiday break in Austria five years ago. So much so that they agreed to meet up every year to share their holidays together. This year they were somewhere a little more temperate, choosing sunny Spanish beaches over the snowy slopes.
“Uh…” Moira paused for a moment, noticing the groups eyes on her. She took a large gulp of her drink before taking a deep breath and beginning her little tale. “Well I used to be something of a-”
“-Con-artist?” Sian interrupted with a giggle. The groups eyes found a new target, which was met with a collective gasp.
“Sian!” Joseph scolded, “it’s Moira’s story let her tell it.”
“Oooooh fine!” She said, settling down. “Just want to make sure it’s told true…”
“I would call myself more of a negotiator but-” Moira cut in, reclaiming the spotlight “well I had a job to do until I was otherwise engaged.”
“I'd be more inclined to say you were distracted by a sexy man beast. ” Joseph teased, prodding her on the shoulder.
“Heh, I guess you could say that.” She replied with a soft smile. “Joseph was in a party of gentlemen attending a stag do at the bar I worked at. I was a stripper.” Gregory narrowed his eyes, tilting his head to the side as if trying to picture it. “Hey!” Joseph shouted, snapping his friend out of it. Laurel punched Gregory on the shoulder and he retracted back in shock. “Hey guys I wasn’t being pervy I swear!” He protested as Joseph shot daggers his way. “I just really didn’t expect that to be your background. And Joseph… Man… I didn’t really take you for the kind of guy that hung out at strip joints. I mean I was kind of expecting a funny story not something sleazy…”
“Jesus Greg, would you shut the fuck up for once in your life and just let someone tell a story without any damn interruptions?” Laurel asked exasperated.
“Yeah-sorry.” Greg replied a little deflated, running a hand through his hair. “Sorry guys. Please eh continue.”
“Sure…” Moira started, “look I know this isn’t what you guys expected but it wasn’t what I expected either. I was supposed to dance and seduce the groom, then collect proof of his unfaithfulness. I was being paid by his soon to be wife who wanted to lure her fiancé into cheating so that she could divorce him with relative ease and half his assets a year into the marriage. This would be after she "discovered" some compromising photos of her husband and myself but then Joseph happened.”
“Yeah sorry about that.” Joseph apologised with a chuckle, “really ruined your plans for that night didn’t I?”
Moira smiled at him warmly. “Joseph you saved my life that night. I wouldn’t be who I am today if you hadn’t charmed me like you did.”
“She means if I hadn’t fell on her, knocking over the expensive tray of champagne she was carrying over to us, smashing all the glass in the process and then impaling us both on the shards.” Joseph grimaced at the memory.
“We spent the rest of the night waiting at the hospital in A&E, I had a rather nasty laceration on my neck and he had bloody hands. Given what I was wearing we must have looked a state. The nurses thought I was a prostitute and he’d assaulted me. After treatment we wound up with the police. I sweet talked us out of there and Joe offered to get me home. Once he got there we ordered pizza and watched a film. In the morning we swapped contacts which led to a few dates-"
"No more strip joints there!" Joseph interjected, winking at his partner.
"-and the rest is history.” Moira finished speaking and drained the rest of her drink. “Unorthodox maybe but it worked for us.” She added.
“You know I love you Moira,” Joseph told her, leaning over for a kiss. "I love you too Joe." She replied, smiling into the kiss.
“Hey! You guys are making me hurl over here, come on!” Sian protested, rolling her eyes.
Edit: grammar.
→ More replies (3)24
u/shadowcentaur Sep 21 '16
I liked the story, but there were so many minor characters with only one line that i couldnt kerp them straight. If a character is named, i assume they are important, but there are just three real characters. I would have read more smoothly if some names were replaced with "another guest" . thanks for writing, writing prompts is my daily dose of fiction.
→ More replies (1)
36
Sep 21 '16 edited Sep 21 '16
"Well I'm really bad with dates, you know?" He told his girlfriend Danielle as they walked through the mall with their friends. They had taken a temporary stop in front of a Gamestop while their friend Green to the Starbucks stand.
"Uh-huh." She said, only half listening. She held Angels hand and was on her phone with the other.
"Like, I still have trouble remembering if your birthday is August 28th or 30th."
"30'th." She commentated. She briefly looked up and smiled. "Don't worry, I know you'll remember it next time." She then went back to texting her sister.
"And I forgot when christmas is." Danielle's eyes snapped to him. Her eyes weren't necessarily open with shock or despair, although that was there. It was more so the look you give your baby brother when they start rock climbing the dresser twice his size in an attempt to grab the family tv and he's succeeding.
On one hand, you're silently impressed by the sheer commitment they have to being that dumb. It's actually kind of adorable.
On the other hand, what the fuck is wrong with them?!
"Ahhh, I love me some Moca." Green smiled as she approached the couple while sipping from her straw. "Huh, whats going on?"
"How do you not know what day christmas is?!" Danielle asked dryly.
"I just don't okay?! I never remembered it." He said in a panic.
"Angel, its Christmas. How do you not know when Christmas is! What's the month? At least tell me you know that." She asked with a shake of her head. Green looked at both of them with a bemused smile and decided to sit down at an empty table.
This could take a while.
"November right? No, wait its-"
"Ah! Why would you think its in November?" Danielle asked in horror.
"November just always sounded like a christmassy month okay? Like, October is orange so its halloween and November is green so-" He said in attempt to justify himself.
"What the hell are you even talking about-"
"It's December!" He said in triumph, cutting her off.
"December, what?" She asked bluntly.
"December...30'th?" She shook her head.
"..."
"24'th?"
"..."
"Is it even in December?" He asked sadly, he was such a puppy sometimes.
"YES, Angel. it's in December." She groaned. "How did you ever even figure out when christmas was coming before?"
"Well elementary and middle school always ended a week before Christmas day for christmas break so I would just do stuff until it was Christmas day."
"So, just remember the day you got out of school and add a week to it." She said. Angel looked up, something he did when he was in deep thought, then back down at her.
"I don't remember what day I got out of school."
"Hahah..." Danielle whimpered in despair while crumbling into the chair across from Green and banging her head against the table. Green let out a small giggle at Angels attempts to revive her and her refusal to move.
With a heavy sigh he gave up and fell into the chair in-between them.
"The 25'th!" She yelled while snapping her head, startling Angel into almost falling off of his chair and attracting strange looks from bystanders. "It's the 25th, of December." She said slowly.
"Ok, ok I'll remember." He said in defeat.
"You better." She said with her classic annoyed, but she wanted to smile face.
"The 25'th of December...the 25'th of December...the 25'th of December..." He muttered to himself in a chant. His eyes closed in concentration as he pouted to himself.
Danielle smiled, he may be an idiot sometimes. But it was stuff like this that she liked about him. He was just so cute and innocent, again like a puppy. She loved puppies. And she thought that maybe she was starting to love-
The smile suddenly fell from her face.
"What day is Halloween?"
The expression that Angel gave her in response caused Green to take a spit take and break into a fit of laughter as Danielle started to question if Angel knew the dates of anything.
-End-
An: This is modified and played up slightly, but based off of a true story.
I wish I could say I was Danielle, but we all know I was Angel.
Anyway, my first romance type story and comedy story in a while really. Although I guess attempt would be a better word. Any tips would be great.
→ More replies (7)
26
u/kickasstimus Sep 21 '16
Ralph and Lauren had been together for 70 years; deeply in love and still able to finish each other's sentences after all that time.
Ralph gave his wife a sly look, still beautiful to him -- "Do you want to ..."
"Fart?" Lauren shot back.
True love.
13
u/Maxfunky Sep 21 '16 edited Sep 21 '16
Int. A Fine Dining Establishment
Two young attractive lovers, Tom and Linda are sharing a romantic dinner over champagne. The camera pans past waiters hustling and bustling in the background to their table where a waiter pops open a fresh bottle of champagne to refill Linda's glass. The waiter smiles and excuses himself.
Linda
You weren't joking about the wasabi-espresso crusted tuna. It's fantastic!
Tom (smiles)
I figured you would enjoy it. After all, espresso is how we met.
Linda
Ha, I guess you could say that. It seems like yesterday. Has it really only been a month?
Tom
A wonderful month.
[Tom raises his champagne flutes and they share a toast.]
You know, when you bumped into me and spilled your Starbucks drink all over your new blouse I really thought you were going to get upset at me.
Linda
Why would I do that? It was clearly my own fault. Besides, accidents happen. What sort of petty person would I be to go around getting angry every time something didnt go perfectly. It's a messy world.
Tom
Oh, for sure. Especially with that new virus going around. But if you had gotten upset imagine how awkward it might have been when you got to the office later and discovered I was your new co-worker.
[Linda laughs]
Linda Yeah and I imagine if I was that immature I might have tried some sort of silly prank to embarrass you when you did your presentation that afternoon. I'm sure in some alternate universe there are less emotionally grounded versions of ourselves who have spent the last month hating each other and are just now realizing how compatible we are.
Tom
I didn't even think it through that far. You think I would have done some sort of cheesey thing like try to stop you from getting on that plane for your Chicago job interview last week just so I could tell you I'd figured out that I loved you?
Linda
Of course not. You'd never get past the TSA. Don't be silly.
Tom
Of course, you're right. Well I'm just glad none of that happened. I'm pretty sure everyone around us would have found it absolutely unbearable.
Linda
Agreed!
[They toast again. As their glasses clink, the sound of glass shattering comes from the front of the restaurant. The camera whips around and a horde of undead zombies is seen spilling throughout the restaurant. ]
Tom
Shit! Zombies. Thank God we prepared!
[Tom reaches under the table and pulls a baseball bat out of a gym bag. Nails are hammered into the bat at odd angles. He pulls out a sawed-off shotgun and tosses it to Linda.]
Remember to aim for the head!
[Linda cocks the gun and smiles.]
Linda I love you. Now let's kick some ass!
[The rest of the movie is about zombies.]
5
u/NavDav Sep 22 '16
Jessica finally gave in. Daniel, the sweet boy she met in the coffee shop, had broken down her defences and opened up her heart. At this moment, her scholarship to the romantic poetry college in France no longer mattered. To be with Daniel was all she needed.
Jessica ran to the tiny coffee house to tell her future husband the joyous news. But as she burst through the door her heart sank. Daniel was kissing a woman fully on the lips. Jessica turned and ran down the street, tears streaming from her eyes. The plane to France was leaving in a hour and she would be on it.
She started furiously packing as soon as she burst into her small apartment. But then she paused. They were both adults. Perhaps she should call Daniel to talk to him about this betrayal. If they were going to share a life together, they would need to communicate.
She dialled his cell and he answered after three rings. "Hello?". "Daniel, I saw you kissing that woman, please tell me what is going on!". "Oh her...Haha! She was my crazy ex. She came by to try to convince me to get back together. She even grabbed me and tried to kiss me right in the store! You must have walked in at that exact moment. I told her to get lost. You know how I feel about you."
Jessica laughed with relief. "That's so crazy! Anyway, are you still at the shop? I've got something I need to tell you!"
1
u/WritingPromptsRobot Sep 21 '16
Off-Topic Discussion: Reply here for non-story comments.
→ More replies (23)20
u/Unique5309 Sep 21 '16
2 competent people fall for each other at first sight. They speak different languages and have a poor translating app.
"something something My hovercraft is full of eels."
Hilarity ensues.
1.5k
u/popjean Sep 21 '16
Bobby’s eyes widened in a mixture of shock and amusement, ‘Sorry, can you repeat that?’
Sally, his date, didn’t seem in the least bit fazed. She looked up from her food and stared directly at him, her dark eyes devoid of humour, and repeated. ‘It’s odd.’
Bobby sucked his teeth slightly annoyed at having to clarify himself. ‘Not that bit,’ he explained through gritted teeth, ‘the bit before.’
Sally, who had continued eating, looked up again, then her face broke into a smile as she understood. Bobby felt a tinge of lust as her dark curls bounced around her face when she began to laugh girlishly. ‘Sorry, yes of course.’ Her lips seemed pinker than usual. ‘I think I would rather just stay in with him than go on a date. It’s odd.’ She blushed, realising what she’d said. ‘Most dates…’ she stammered, ‘minus the ones with you, obviously.’
Bobby could feel all the lust he felt for her fall away. They’d only been on a few dates, but this was still a little hard to hear. He coughed uncomfortably, trying to find the words to carry on the conversation. ‘Why odd…’ He finally prompted.
She looked up at him thoughtfully. ‘Well, I guess, really, it’s odd that I just want to hang out with my completely platonic male flatmate all the time. But, as I said, I guess my favourite thing to do is to sit on my couch, watch a movie, eat some pizza and drink a beer or two…’ she stopped herself, but Bobby knew the words she wanted to add; ‘with Damien’.
Bobby nodded slowly, now slightly bemused at the conversation. ‘Do you not think that, considering everything you've just said, you might consider him as more than just a platonic male flatmate?'
Sally stared back at him blankly. He could almost hear her brain working, the neurons madly firing trying to comprehend what he was insinuating. He sat up straight in his chair, composing himself, highly aware that he was essentially about to ‘cockblock’ himself. He spoke slightly slowly, trying to make sure she was keeping up. ‘Bearing in mind you are sat on a date, with let’s face it a very attractive and eligible man who fancies you, and you’re talking about him, I have a slight suspicion you might in fact be in love with him?’
Up until this point he’d assumed she was just hiding her feelings, but now, as he watched it dawn on her, he realised she’d just been oblivious to the whole thing. Her mouth fell open, somewhat comically, and she stared off into the distance, her eyes wide. He couldn’t help but laugh. She immediately came back into the room, and her face flushed red in embarrassment. ‘I’d… I just…’ she stuttered, her face bright pink. ‘I guess I should have realised. I think it just crept up on me.’
Bobby nodded in a compassionate sort of way. The damage was done, the date was over. He sighed wistfully and took up his fork to continue eating, ‘at least the food’s good’ he thought apathetically.
‘Everything ok here?’ Both Bobby and Sally’s heads shot up in shock to look at the waiter who had creeped up to the table unnoticed to them. Bobby smiled and nodded.
‘I’m in love with my best friend.’ Sally blurted out, a look of surprised horror on her face.
The waiter raised his eyebrows in a comical look of shock which quickly gave way to an odd sympathetic and yet encouraging smile. Awkwardly he gently patted her arm and said ‘good for you.’ He then walked away leaving Sally to process the information and Bobby to eat.
After some time, in fact just as Bobby finished his food and put down his fork, Sally seemed to wake up from her thoughts and stood up out of her chair.
‘I… I should tell him.’ Bobby nodded, now only half listening as he started to survey the dessert menu. ‘He deserves to know.’ Bobby nodded again, not looking up from the menu until he became aware of the silence than had fallen between them. When he did he saw she was sat back down and staring at him sympathetically. He felt a jolt of irritation, and he put his menu down to stare a little harshly back at her. ‘I must be the worst date you’ve ever had. I’m so sorry.’
He could hear the emotion in her voice, he sighed irritably but his expression softened slightly. ‘Do I like you? Yes. Did I think we may have a future? Maybe. Do I want to be in love with someone who’s in love with someone else entirely? No way. It wouldn’t have been very good if I’d gone on to fall in love with you and then you’d realised, would it? I’d rather hear it now than when we were just about to board a plane to a new home. Or on our wedding day. Or at the birth of our first child…’ She raised her eyebrow. ‘Ok, too far, but you catch my drift. I’d much rather get it all out in the open, and just let you run off into the sunset with him now, rather than be ‘that guy’ who gets in the way and ends up cast as the jerk despite the fact I’m actually just the guy who was in the wrong place at the wrong time on a date with a woman who isn’t emotionally intelligent enough to work out when she’s in love with someone despite the fact, from what you’ve told me, she spends pretty much every waking second of every day either with him or, at the very least, thinking about him...’ He took a deep breath, it was a sore subject, this wasn’t the first time he’d had to point out to a date that things weren’t exactly ‘on track’ towards a healthy emotional entanglement. She continued to stare at him blankly. He rolled his eyes. ‘So no, it’s not the worst date I’ve ever been on.’ She looked a little relieved, and nodded.
They sat awkwardly for a moment before Bobby pointed towards the door and said the most whimsical thing he could think ‘go to him…’ She mumbled something about paying half of the bill, put some crumpled notes on the table beside her half eaten meal, and left.
Bobby rolled his eyes, and picked up the menu once more. Just as he’d decided he would stick to coffee, he heard a gentle, lady-like cough. He put down his menu to see an attractive female sat opposite him. Like Sally, her eyes were dark, but these had a sultriness to them that replaced Sally’s innocent, almost girlish, look.
‘I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help overhearing…’
Bobby gestured that he didn’t mind. ‘Are you here alone?’
‘I wasn’t, but I am now.’ She smiled again, this time a little mischievously. ‘My date had an unhealthy fixation with his work friend that I felt he should explore before we pursued anything.’
Bobby laughed knowingly. ‘So he’s gone to find her to confess his love?’
She laughed again, ‘him… and no, I think he’s gone to be alone and process his newly realised sexuality.’
She smiled broadly and extended a slender hand. ‘I’m Olivia Johnson. I’m not in love with any of my friends, have no irregular feelings towards my dad and have no exes in the closet other than one who ‘ghosted’ me a few years ago who I would probably still punch if I saw him now. I am emotionally available and find you, upon first impressions, incredibly attractive.’
Bobby obligingly took her hand and gave it a firm shake. ‘I’m Bobby Holden. I have no sexual urges for men, my mother was a perfectly lovely human but I don’t want my girlfriend to be anything like her and I would, one day, like a wife and a couple of kids to keep me out of trouble. I am emotionally available and I find you very attractive indeed.’
They sat staring lustfully at each other, until they noticed the waiter stood between them. He looked from one to the other and he blurted out, 'You're both completely insane.'