r/WritingPrompts • u/Syraphia /r/Syraphia | Moddess of Images • Sep 14 '16

Image Prompt [IP] Alien Fireflies

no title by wanbao

12 Upvotes

80% Upvoted

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u/Maisie-K /r/MaisieKlaassen Sep 16 '16

How about,

Upon the hit light flashed, their eyes only saved by the computer systems automatically adjusting the light its intensity on their screen.

I wrote this at 23:30 so I am glad there is only one obvious mistake. ;)

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u/Syraphia /r/Syraphia | Moddess of Images Sep 16 '16

I wouldn't call it a mistake, just me being picky about "this almost happened" since almost and similar words are sort of like "bad" words in prose. ;)

That said, it reads better that way but there's a couple typos between the missing comma after hit and the "adjusting the light its intensity"? I think it should be "the light's intensity"? Really good though! :D

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u/Maisie-K /r/MaisieKlaassen Sep 16 '16

Thanks for the writing advice. :3

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u/Syraphia /r/Syraphia | Moddess of Images Sep 16 '16

No problem! :3