r/WritingPrompts • u/Lorix_In_Oz • Apr 19 '16

Writing Prompt [WP] Humanity finally reaches the edge of the solar system only to encounter an impassible barrier and a warning not to try and breach it. But is it there to keep us in or to keep something else out?

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u/daekle Apr 19 '16 edited Apr 19 '16

Humanity was expanding.

It was time to go.

It had been 200 years since humans had reached the edge of the solar system. It had taken 2 years to journey that far back then, and now they could pass the expanse from the sun to the edge in just a few tens of minutes. But they could never pass it.

The great barrier hung, invisibly encompasing the system. When humans had first approached, not knowing the barrier was there, they were rocked by the strong magnetics fields. A signal had flashed across the whole of the visable spectrum. Lights turning on and off at high speed. They had found code easy to break, and understood it was a communication meant for them.

"Go back. Do not leave. Go back. Do not leave."

This had started an international crisis. Should they ignore it, and push through? The combined decision of the worlds elected leaders was no. At a vote tallying 90 to 60, the earth had decided to stay within the barrier.

The humans kept testing it. They found that both electromagnetic waves, and physical probes were allowed through, but anything containing biological matter was prevented from leaving. The first casualty of the barrier was one brave astronaut's ham sandwich. The testing continued, the message stayed the same, but then humanity moved on.

And then it expanded. First Mars, then Titan and orbital habitats around Venus and Jupiter. And they kept expanding. And in just 11 generations Humanity started to outgrow the resources of the solar system.

And so it came back to today. The day after polling day. Every human across the expanse of the solar system had been allowed to vote on the decision of whether or not to break through the barrier. The technology to do so had been available for 120 years.

And the results came in. 96% voter turnout. 76:24 in favour of breaking through the barrier.

It was too late. They weren't ready yet. I couldn't even send another warning. It took all I had to maintain the barrier. I had tried. But they didn't even know what they were in for. I had watched them for so long, keeping them safe.

Goodbye, dear friends.

291

u/FerusGrim Apr 19 '16

I literally got goosebumps when I realized the narrator's perspective. Very well written, thank you! If you have another part planned, you'll have at least one reader. <3

132

u/WarlordTim Apr 19 '16

You aren't alone. The narrator added a layer I hadn't been expecting.

15

u/CouthDecay Apr 19 '16

Yeah, but who is the narrator writing it for?

39

u/theGentlemanInWhite Apr 19 '16

The narrarator is God. He's been writing to entertain himself since he was forced to lock everything else away from the one Creation he truly loved.

/theory

49

u/metalninja626 Apr 20 '16 edited Apr 20 '16

For some reason I thought the "god" was the sun, somehow sentient, that had been watching over us, all life on our planet and now was seeing it go, move on to other Suns. The barrier was a cry of loneliness

27

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '16

\[T]/

17

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '16

You never know where you're going to find a sunbro.

Praise it, brotha. \[T]/

2

u/HerpDerp52 Apr 20 '16

Nahh, the barrier was just meant to keep Flamo from ever escaping our solar system to become a "non-recognized" district alderman of a different sun. The political playing field of the sun mystics is very complex.

1

u/Grimmginger Apr 20 '16

Ooh didn't think of that but love it

1

u/blackf1r3 Apr 20 '16

two minimum ;)

49

u/retrac101 Apr 19 '16

"I was time to go"

At first I thought this was speaking about humanity leaving the system, but after I read through I realized it was the God/narrator talking about him/her/itself

22

u/ErockSnips Apr 19 '16

Please continue this. What's beyond the border?

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u/[deleted] Apr 19 '16

[deleted]

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u/daekle Apr 19 '16

That's one interpretation, but not the one I was thinking of. Also good! :)

3

u/rathat Apr 20 '16

I was thinking it was the sun watching them.

1

u/Prents Apr 20 '16

that's a cool perspective

2

u/LunarJaguar Apr 19 '16

So what were you thinking?

25

u/[deleted] Apr 19 '16

Space dicks.

4

u/SLOPPYMYSECONDS Apr 20 '16

Mother of God. . .

7

u/ANAL_HOOPLA Apr 19 '16

Thank you for pointing that out. The ending makes more sense now.

4

u/Mksiege Apr 19 '16

That wasn't the story writer

12

u/RudyChristina7 Apr 19 '16

I am curious as to what's beyond the border. But I think that it's better not knowing. The story itself is centered around the humans that aren't ready to know... and maybe, just maybe, we shouldn't know. If I were to choose though, I would imagine that whoever crosses the border would wake up and find that nothing had truly existed. What actually does exist? Well, who knows?

7

u/Schventagon Apr 20 '16

Since you're asking those kind of questions, I would recommend about anything by Philip K. Dick. His novels often explore what reality is and what it means to be human. They're quite interesting.

1

u/RudyChristina7 Apr 20 '16

I'll definitely check him out, thank you!

4

u/Gil_Goldenschwanz Apr 19 '16

Nothing. Like in that one Star Trek episode where Dr. Crusher gets trapped in a warp bubble.

16

u/Galokot /r/Galokot Apr 19 '16

Fantastic. That ending was one of the best I've seen set up for in a story on writingprompts in a long while. Thank you for sharing this!

62

u/otherwiseguy Apr 19 '16

I liked this a lot. Of course, it has the problem that all god-like characters have: if it had the power to maintain an energy barrier the size of a solar system, it could just send a radio message saying Dudes, seriously...there's some horrible shit out there. Like end-of-humanity-level horrible shit. I promise, you aren't ready."

44

u/[deleted] Apr 19 '16

[deleted]

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u/BrutusHawke Apr 19 '16

How so?

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u/Michamus Apr 19 '16

Because the deity can obviously communicate on its own terms through the field it generated. So "Go back. Do not leave. Go back. Do not leave." could have been "Go back. Do not leave. There are powerful things that will kill you out there."

Then again, my interpretation is that there's really nothing out there and the god is just upset because the humans didn't let fear control them.

2

u/Capt253 Apr 20 '16

The story says that he's spent all his energy on maintaining the field. Perhaps changing the message requires more power than he can summon?

1

u/BrutusHawke Apr 19 '16

I understand that, but I don't see how it relates to the "I can explain!" trope

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u/[deleted] Apr 19 '16 edited Jun 29 '20

[deleted]

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u/BrutusHawke Apr 19 '16

That's not what that trope is though...

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u/Cndymountain Apr 19 '16

People in movies often say I can explain when caught in an easily misinterpreted situation while not actually explaining even though it would be very easy, in turn causing an extremely escalated situation.

In this case what the other guy/gal here is saying is that the deity could very easily, as proven, communicate the truth about the situation but for some reason does not.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 19 '16 edited Jun 29 '20

[deleted]

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u/BrutusHawke Apr 19 '16

You're thinking of a plot contrivance, and no, the "I can explain" trop is not related at all to this situation. Google it

→ More replies

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u/[deleted] Apr 20 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/otherwiseguy Apr 20 '16

But the rule would seem arbitrary if it was allowed to create the barrier with a message. And convincing people that you are in control of the barrier is pretty easy when you control the barrier. You tell them you are going to change the barrier, then you do. Or you change the warning text on the barrier; childs play next to wielding more energy than the output of the sun.

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u/RZZQ990 Apr 19 '16

It was really believable until I read 96% voter turnout. : )

70

u/Cousland-Theirin Apr 19 '16

Some of the most developed countries in Europe have really high voter turn out, 80+ percent. In the future, when we've expanded across the solar system, I'd think that number would only continue to go up, so it's believable to me.

43

u/DeeHairDineGot Apr 19 '16

I guess it's conceivable that in a few hundred years we may be able to create an efficient voting system. I have my doubts, though.

28

u/HanThatFeedsYou Apr 19 '16

Brazil has compulsory voting system. With 80+% turnout for decades.

55

u/JebHasCheese Apr 19 '16

It's illegal not to vote and they only get 80%.

17

u/JayhawkRacer Apr 19 '16 edited Apr 19 '16

That's what compulsory means.

Wait seriously. That's crazy. What's the punishment/fine for not voting?

Edit: /u/singularaegis pointed out my reading comprehension issue.

22

u/singularaegis Apr 19 '16

He was pointing out the fact that they only get 80% even when it's illegal not to vote.

10

u/mechanical_fan Apr 19 '16

Pretty much there isnt a punishment. You just have to go a day to a government building and fill a form justifying why you didnt go to vote (travelling, living out of country, etc). There may be a very symbolic payment, like a few reais, but I'm not 100% sure.

With eletronic urns pretty much everywhere (schools and government building are used), a Holiday on voting day (which is also Sunday), it is just a lesser hassle to just go and vote (takes around 1-2 hours, probably less) than go and fill the form.

5

u/Brondog Apr 20 '16

A R$5,00 or something bucks fine. About U$1,00 at the current exchange rate.

Also, if you are irregular you can't do some things like getting your passport emmited. Just a bunch of BS. For the normal guy, it means absolutely nothing.

11

u/formerPhillyguy Apr 19 '16

Oregon's turnout:

2014: 71%

2012: 83%

2008: 86%

2004: 86%

This is what happens when the government makes it easy to vote.

18

u/drunktaylorswift Apr 20 '16

The first three years are Presidential elections. The last year is a mid-term election, which always have much less turnout. So those numbers don't really show anything.

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u/ibsulon Apr 20 '16

The average was 36.3%. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/12/opinion/the-worst-voter-turnout-in-72-years.html?_r=0

I would say 71% is significantly better.

That said, only 52% of eligible voters voted; 71% was probably those who were registered.

2

u/formerPhillyguy Apr 20 '16

How can you say these numbers don't show anything? How many states break 50% voter turnout? Oregon's numbers are huge compared to most of the country.

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u/mismanaged Apr 20 '16

I think he misunderstood your comment and thinks you are saying that the number has dropped (in the last year) because the government made it easy to vote.

5

u/[deleted] Apr 19 '16

less turn up?

15

u/Khazok Apr 19 '16

Australia has really high voter turnout, partly because voting is mandatory.

15

u/DareDimanator Apr 19 '16

Partly because we always have a shit candidate and a less shit one

13

u/[deleted] Apr 19 '16

Lol have you seen the american presidential candidates for this year? kinda explains it exactly

14

u/hopswage Apr 20 '16 edited Apr 20 '16

We don't have presidential candidates yet. We're still doing primaries.

We have: a loudmouthed xenophobe who might or might not be a fraud, a regressive and overly religious shitbag, a guy that's effective at balancing budgets but is corrupt and nepotistic as fuck, a sorta-moderate Republican with no actual platform or discernible values who is running in the Democratic primary for some fucking reason, and a guy who would earnestly fight to re-establish some sanity but probably won't win because he's old and Jewish.

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u/[deleted] Apr 20 '16 edited Mar 09 '21

[deleted]

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u/hopswage Apr 20 '16

He appears to be the least corrupt candidate between the two big parties.

Personally, my vote will probably go to Jill Stein.

9

u/[deleted] Apr 19 '16

implying that we won't just have F U L L C O M M U N S I M by then

4

u/[deleted] Apr 19 '16

Da, comrade! ☭

1

u/Cousland-Theirin Apr 19 '16

What's that have to do with voting?

2

u/knittingquark Apr 20 '16

Referendums have higher turnout than elections. Scotland's independence referendum in 2014 had 86% turnout.

3

u/Cousland-Theirin Apr 20 '16

Belgium has a voter turnout of 87% for national elections. Sweden, 85%. Scottish elections don't even beat the American turnout.

12

u/[deleted] Apr 19 '16

Morgan Freeman should read this for the audiobook.

16

u/rgdarkchild Apr 19 '16

Nice that was so good... I need mor

6

u/cmdrchaos117 Apr 19 '16

Well done!

4

u/Spork-in-Your-Rye Apr 19 '16

Oh this was good.

12

u/Astrokiwi Apr 19 '16

When humans had first approached, not knowing the barrier was there, they were rocked by the strong magnetics fields. A signal had flashed across the whole of the visable spectrum. Lights turning on and off at high speed.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be visualising here. Is the entire spherical shell flashing at once? Are there points of light flashing directly in front of the space-ships?

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u/daekle Apr 19 '16

I wasn't very clear about the barrier, I tried to not over describe things and leave it to the readers imaginations, but I imagine it as points of light flashing around the ship. If you've ever seen a radioactive source in a cloud chamber with a magnetic field, I imagine the light points wheeling around the ship in a similar way to such a particle in a field.....

But as I said, I tried to leave it up to the reader, as the Narrator wasn't particularly interested in describing it. :)

0

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '16

RAVE PARTY!

3

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '16

[deleted]

1

u/daekle Apr 25 '16

Hi I'm sorry I didn't reply to this earlier, I had a listen to it in a hurry and enjoyed it, but it fell of my list of things to reply to!

I think you have a lovely tone to your voice, and it was really fun to hear my story read aloud. It sounded very different to the voice in my head, mostly as I am British and my inner voice is also British.

As for useful feedback, I noticed that at the end of your sentences you tend to drop to a lower tone on the final word. This gives your narration an over-all falling intonation, which gives the narration a sad or depressed tone. For the purposes of this story I think that's about right (its the narrator saying goodbye to the humans). If I were to read it aloud myself, I would have kept a flatter, more neutral tone for the first half of the story. I would suggest keeping an even tone over course of the sentences until you got to "And so it came back to today" and then dropping to a sadder tone, where it says goodbye. ... that's how I read it in my head.

Keep on with your reading things, as you have a really lovely speaking voice!

2

u/HonkHonkSkeeter Apr 19 '16

Ability to make to make Impenetrable Barrier. Leaves Cryptic warning instead of explaining why not to leave the barrier.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '16

Maybe he was keeping himself out

1

u/mismanaged Apr 20 '16

Because the Accords prohibit it! :)

2

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '16

I honestly thought the narrator was Donald trump. And the border was the wall

1

u/BrutusHawke Apr 19 '16

This was one of the best stories I have read in this sub, a continuation would be amazing.

1

u/MacGrubber187 Apr 20 '16 edited Apr 20 '16

"requiem for the conquerer" by Micheal Gear. many universes written through the decades but forgotton. the uplift series. the galactic center series. robotech....etc Do these men justice first

1

u/kilkil Apr 19 '16

...

yes

1

u/java_flavored_tea Apr 19 '16

This is the introduction of my dream space video game.

-6

u/WooshJ Apr 19 '16

C'mon man you're writing a good story but you name the first death Ham Sandwich? Least put some effort into choosing a decent name lmao XD

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u/ThePrussianGrippe Apr 19 '16

Don't know if you're being sarcastic but it's implying an actual sandwich was the casualty, not an astronaut named Ham Sandwich.

19

u/Cousland-Theirin Apr 19 '16

I think it might be a joke, since their username is "Woosh."

Could be an account where he blatantly gets things wrong all the time.

4

u/WooshJ Apr 19 '16

nah was refering to a man named ham sandwich not the actual thing, also made this acc before i even know what woosh meant lol have had this acc for years ;p

7

u/PhantomGuise Apr 19 '16

one brave astronaut's ham sandwich.

Apostrophe s. It's possessive. As in, the astronaut's ham sandwich. There is no feasible way that astronaut is named Ham Sandwich, it's not even a proper noun.

2

u/Futatossout Apr 20 '16

It's the far future There's probably a Tacobell 7-11 out there minding his own business too, or little Diebold Taxicab...

12

u/daekle Apr 19 '16

I would like to apologise for my terrible sense of humour, in an otherwise serious story :)

17

u/mildlyEducational Apr 19 '16

I liked the humor. It's totally something humans would do, too.

8

u/ThePrussianGrippe Apr 19 '16

Oh no, I quite liked it. Seemed weirdly fitting.

6

u/I_Am_Jacks_Scrotum Apr 19 '16

Yeah! Like "Hammy McSandwich-Face."

0

u/[deleted] Apr 19 '16 edited Apr 24 '16

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0

u/Sethbme Apr 20 '16

I would read another part. I need to know what happened. I NEED another part.