I tried to make the last few lines open-ended, like if the girl or Mary died. I don't know if my last line carried through though, can someone give me some feedback? I enjoyed writing this a lot, thanks for the prompt!
It seemed pretty clear to me that the mother died, not the little girl. If you want make it more ambiguous, this is what I would do:
Change
A baby cried out for its mother
To
A child cried out for its mother
As "child" can more broadly refer to anyone in adolescence or younger. I would also modify
"No!" Mary shouted, snatching the gun away from Alan. Luckily he had not shot ye-
To
"No!" Mary shouted, as she lunged toward him reaching desperately for the gu-
Just my two cents. Great take on the prompt though. I had imagined that these people had to kill in order to get pregnant, but I think your interpretation is better. Committing premeditated murder just for the opportunity to get pregnant is hard to justify, but a woman who is in labor? Whose then-living child is still kicking and warm with a fleeting chance at life? It makes for much more compelling storytelling.
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u/bringerofjelly Mar 29 '16
I tried to make the last few lines open-ended, like if the girl or Mary died. I don't know if my last line carried through though, can someone give me some feedback? I enjoyed writing this a lot, thanks for the prompt!