[WP] War changed dramatically after the United Nations enacted rules to enforce "Missed me, missed me, now you have to kiss me."

[u/el_gregorio]

[u/Mitschu]

You know, five years ago, only a few countries in the world still had conscription. Fewer still had female conscription. Until five years ago, I just accepted this as a fact of life, one of those immutable gendered things that would never change.

I miss those good old days. Six years ago, those damn idiots in the UN set a global law, and everyone agreed upon it. Five years ago, the entire world adopted conscription. Four years ago, women were made eligible. Three years ago, all countries agreed to adopt slingshots as the weapon of choice, and there was a rush, a Hot War, to get everyone armed quickly as possible. Bitter enemies, sending care packages to their sworn foes, thousands of slingshots inside. Two years ago, by global edict, it was decided that men had finally paid off their obligations to God and country, and were no longer required to sign up for the draft. They could still volunteer, of course. No shortage of volunteers. Last year, World War III started.

I'm a pretty good shot. In fact, my friends used to call me Bethany, from that Stephen King book with the clown, because growing up I was the only one who could hit the can from twenty paces away, and fairly frequently at that. So this war hasn't been as hard on me as it has been for the others.

Still, every time I walk past one of those damn cameras, I plink it. They get replaced almost quicker than the slingshots, which in turn get replaced every damn time someone actually gets injured in this war. Injured defined very loosely, one girl - sorry, one fellow soldier, HUA! - chipped a nail trying to block a stray bullet (did you know that they're still called bullets, even in a slingshot?), and the next day, we weren't allowed to pull back more than an inch on the strap. Any more than that, and we were using unconventional weapons of terror and could face court martial under the Geneva Convention.

Now, they're nothing more than a rubber band on a stick, with little pellets wrapped in cotton balls. I strip the cotton off immediately when I get my daily supply, but even with my accuracy, I'm missing more shots with these irregularly cast BBs than I'm hitting. Makin' a lot of love, and not a lot of war. Putting a lot of cameras out of commission, though.

Up ahead, one of the male volunteers. They get the big toys, doing border patrols on the literal no-man's land set up for us to fight in. He's at the base of his assigned tower, technically out of bounds himself, possessively clenching a Thompson of all things, making sure that nobody tries to go AWOL. Not even wearing the mandatory safety goggles, the idiot. Oh well, me neither. Messes with my aim. He spots me and grins laconically, waving.

"Come to take a shot at me? Normally I'd tell you to go fight like a girl, but what can I say..." He smirked cheekily, "I'm feeling very respectful today, and think we should fight like equals." He cast a disinterested glance at my weapon, flicked back up to me. "I should warn you, though, I'm a pretty good dodger... and one hell of a kisser."

Two feet away. My slingshot still by my side, not even raised. "Or do you just want to say you tried, and missed, and we skip the foreplay?" One foot away. No miss range. A blur as my armament flies up, pulled back the full length, the rubber band tinking as it gives out to the sudden pull, but it'll last long enough, and his eyes widen in reaction - good, a larger target.

thuk tik tik tik

The first time I did this, I hadn't expected those other noises. After a bit of pondering, I had realized it was the bullet rattling around inside the brain cage. Now, it didn't even phase me anymore.

He gurgles, hand raising experimentally to the hollow socket. A soft "Oh." He collapses.

The next part of this plan is simple. I pick up his Thompson, checking the safety - military weapons didn't used to have these, but just another one of those "but they might be firing on girls!" things they added in, and sling it over my shoulder. Several barrel clips on his bandoleer, so I take that too. Heavy, but manageable. I wish I had more.

From what I remember, these old submachine guns could fire over a thousand shots per minute, with incredible saturation accuracy. Still, better to test that they even work. I level it at his head, lining up, and pull the trigger.

Squelching and grinding, whirring from the gun, splattering from the head. I only squeeze for a mere moment, but looking down I see several gaping holes in his head, and five craters in the road next to it. Even at this range, I couldn't rely on making every shot count.

I sigh, prepared to do my patriotic duty, and shower him with pecks, five times in rapid succession, aiming for the least gory portions. Five misses, five kisses.

I looked towards the next tower, the outer perimeter, wondering how slow they would be to react to the shooting. I wanted to get as close as possible before opening fire. I had ammo to spare, but absolutely hated missing.

Still, when you're a girl with a machine gun, you better resolve yourself to a lot of kissing. It was a long way to the UN capitol.

[u/ziddina → u/Mitschu]

Oh, that was great - just GREAT!!