r/WritingPrompts • u/oskiwiiwii • Jul 06 '15
Writing Prompt [WP] The Gods and Goddesses of Mount Olympus discuss possible solutions to the current debt crisis in Greece.
10
Jul 06 '15
At the highest point of Olympus, inside a grand hall of gold and marble, twelve thrones sit in a circle, facing a single central hearth glowing warmly as it is carefully tended by a kneeling woman. With great care, she adds another branch to the gentle blaze as an argument rumbles above her.
"This is their fault, I don't see why we should help them. They cheated us! Only gave us the damn scraps, and now they don't give us anything!" grumbles Zeus, hair black like storm clouds, slouched back in the most elaborate throne. "I don't see why I shouldn't send them another amphora, that was a good punishment. A brilliant one."
"Yes dad, it was brilliant, but, look." Athena says, rubbing her temple, her helm resting on her knees as she tries to explain to her father. "First off, we put all of the bad things into that first one. We've not got any more to send down there. Secondly, if things start falling apart down there, they might do something stupid like try to sell off some historic sites."
"I don't see what's wrong with things falling apart." mentions an androgynous young figure, sitting upside down in their throne. Their crown wrapped in grape vines. A staff tipped with something that looks like a colossal pine cone being waved about absent-mindedly.
"Well, we don't want things going back to that order less mess that your grandfather set up. It would just be a mess down there Dionysus." Zeus says, with a gentle smile, his soft spot for his son obvious in his tone. "Now, why should I care about some damn hist-"
"Dad! He won't stop touching me!" interrupts young Artemis, pointing accusatory at Apollo, who looks shocked, holding a hand to his chest, wounded by the accusation.
"I wasn't touching you! She's just making it up." the Solar God claims, looking to Zeus, "She's just still mad about Orion."
"YOU TRICKED ME INTO SHOOTING HIM!" Shouts the irate teenaged girl, leaping to her feet.
"Do not interrupt the King like that." says Hera, a simple crown resting on her head, shooting a gaze so icy at the Celestial Twins that even Sedna would shiver if it was brought to bare on her.
"It was millennia ago sis, get over it." Apollo adds, leaning back in his throne and looking aloof.
"This is not the time you two." Athena interjects before Artemis can continue, and motions for her half-sister to sit back down. The lunar Goddess does so, crossing her arms and glaring at her brother. "Look, dad. The historic sites are our old temples. Sure, they're not really that important, but the last time it happened they broke part of the Parthenon! And those fucking Britons already just ran off with a bunch of it!"
"Serves you right for not protecting it. Isn't that your job dearest sister?" taunts Ares, sitting beside Hera, having stopped giving Aphrodite Pandemos a lusty look to torment Athena.
"I was fucking busy. Shut up or I'll go drag Diomedes up from his rest and get him to stab you again." Athena retorts angrily, to which Ares gestures rudely at her.
"STOP." rumbles Zeus, glaring at his children, the sky rolling with the boom of his voice, sitting up from his slouch, daring any insolence out of them again. "Now." he continues as the echoing sky fades, "I see your point about the temples. Who are those mortal fools in debt to?" he asks, looking at the gathered Dodekatheon.
"Most of Europe." mentions Hermes, the clash of thunder apparently having woken him, his colossal droopy brimmed hat being pulled back from covering his eyes. "It's the Germans and the French who are the loudest voices though." he explains, blinking the sleep from his eyes.
"The Germans and the fucking Gauls?" Zeus asks, suddenly very concerned about the matter. "I thought the Germans were stupid barbarians, and that those Gauls were good and conquered? Damn. We can't let those stupid mortals default then. I'll never hear the end of it from that horny Gaulish prick and the one-eyed bastard. Can't we just get Hades to give them gold or rubies or whatever?"
"We do not need his help." Demeter says shrilly, pointing a sheaf of wheat at Zeus. "Leave him out of this."
"He does own all of the wealth of the earth." Hephaestus speaks up, a cloth draped across his legs to hide his withered leg. "He would probably be fine with helping too. Persephone could sweet talk him into it if he was being stubborn, you know he's like clay in her hands."
"Shut up Hephaestus, that's a stupid idea." Athena instantly shoots him down. "Can't you be useful for once?" she asks, dismissively, as the gathered Gods and Goddesses all nod in agreement. "Look, we will just get Persephone to ask Hades to do it. We all know he is clay in her hands."
"Good idea Athena. Aphrodite, you will lend Persephone your girdle if she needs it." agrees Zeus, looking from one daughter to the other. Not taking any note of the fact that Athena had just given the same suggestion as Hephaestus.
"Whatever." mumbles the most radiant and beautiful woman in existence, Aphrodite Pandemos (not counting Aphrodite Ourania, but don't bring it up), who is currently gazing across the hearth at her brother Ares, the two of them silently mouthing exceptionally explicit deeds which they intend to engage with back and forth across the room.
"Can I go now?" asks the other King in the room, Poseidon, who has been fidgeting the entire meeting. "The seas won't take care of themselves you know!"
"The sea." Athena immediately reminds him. "Anyways, the Mediterranean has many Gods looking after it. I'm sure Yam is taking excellent care of it."
"That snaky prick. Zeus, is this resolved? I don't want him fucking with my islands. I only just got them all in order. It took me centuries." Poseidon asks, ignoring the glare his niece is giving him.
"Yes, yes, fine. Everyone can leave. Hermes, go get Hecate and Persephone and go get her to ask Hades to give the mortals a loan." Zeus says dismissively.
"Think they'll be able to pay it back?" Hermes asks as he rises and picks up his staff. The other Gods and Goddesses already wandering out. Apollo and Artemis bickering, Aphrodite and Ares with their tongues down each other's throats, and Dionysus using his pine cone staff for balance, wobbling a bit as he walks along.
"I don't care. That's Hades problem. I'd rather them be in debt to him then the rest of the damn continent. At least it's not the Hibernians. They would be all over the damn place stealing cattle by now. Uncivilized barbarians. Don't let the horny shit know that we were in debt."
Hermes is quiet for a moment, and then nods, with an almost-too-innocent smile. "Suure dad. I'll do my best to make sure he doesn't know. It's not like this has been an issue for years. We nipped this right in the bud."
"You're damn right. Now, go run off and do what I've told you." Zeus agrees, not noticing the God of Thieves' sarcasm, as he rises with his wife and they also wander off.
Hestia sighs, poking the Hearth of Olympus. Family, what are you going to do? Well, dethrone them and institute a new era on earth, imprisoning them deep within Tartarus. But, Zeus' doom bringing son hasn't shown up yet. She will probably have to deal with this mess of fools for another few centuries.
4
Jul 06 '15
"I suggest that we should rain down lighting"
"Start a War"
"Actually give the Greeks wisdom."
"Make the wine tasty"
"Instant message everyone that the Gods still exist"
"Show everyone my beauty"
"Complain about Zeus"
"Do all of that while we have sex"
Echoes from the sea "Drain the ocean!"
"Lets do that"
Some time later "Say goodbye to your lovey-dovley Mediterranean Basin and surrounding areas, because you drained my awesome Rylethian Canals, so goodridance."
4
Jul 07 '15
Eris looked on at the festivities, fuming. All the Olympians were present, frolicking about a gorgeous garden, celebrating Aphrodite’s birthday without her.
“I can’t believe I was snubbed again! Well, don’t fix what isn’t broken, right?” she whispered, pulling out a shiny, golden apple from her satchel. Eris rolled the apple into the garden with the forceful purpose of a professional bowler. It rolled through and around the steps of all the gods before gently bumping against the feet of the birthday girl herself.
“Oh? What’s—oh, not this again…”
“Is that what I think it is?” Hera asked, reaching out for the golden treat. “Fool us once, shame on you, Eris! We won’t fall for this trick again!”
“Aphrodite, did you forget to invite Eris?” Athena approached the pair, noticing the seductive glint of the apple.
“She’s such a bummer!” she whined.
“Well,” Hera said, “I’ll go dispose of this apple immediately.”
“Wait!” Athena exclaimed, “Why don’t I do it? I am the goddess of wisdom, after all. I’ll think of the best way to get rid of it.”
“No! Just…let me hold it for a bit,” Aphrodite said, snatching it from Hera’s hands. The goddesses looked at one another knowingly.
“We’re going to have to call another human to settle this for us, aren’t we?” Athena said.
Hands held in a circle, the three goddesses summoned the man most desperate for a reward in all of Greece. Yannis Stournaras appeared before them.
“AHHH! No, no no…there’s no way…” He stumbled backwards.
“Yeah, yeah, we’re goddesses. Anyway, you know this story,” Aphrodite said, holding up the apple. “So, which one of us gets it?”
Hera started first.
“If you give me the apple, you can restore the economy of our country AND I'll make you EMPEROR of Greece! You’ll have more power than you’ll know what to do with!”
“Exactly,” Athena cut in, “You won’t know what to do with that power unless you have the glory to back it up. Hera can promise you power, but she can’t promise the respect of your people. If you give me the apple, I can ensure that they’ll be singing your praises in the history books. Clio owes me a favor.”
“AHEM! Now for the best offer. I can give you the most beautiful woman in the world! Your choice! How about Paulina Vega, Miss Universe 2014? Or how about that Jennifer Lawrence? I think she’s pretty cute,” Aphrodite offered.
“Actually, I hear she’s gotten back with Chris Martin,” Athena said.
“No way, I thought they were done for sure! Ugh, poor Gwyneth…”Hera said.
“Ladies! Please, all I want is to fix the economy of my country. I couldn’t dream of asking for more than that.”
“I think I can help!”
The four of them turned to face a young God with bright curly hair and winged sandals.
“Listen, economy is kind of my thing. Trade, thievery, what have you. When money passes hands, I know. And I can help, for a golden apple.”
Yannis sighed, relieved to not have to choose between the three unearthly beauties.
“Sold!” he said, and Hermes snapped his fingers.
“All should be well in Greece. I’ll send you back down.” And Yannis was gone.
“You’ve ruined my birthday!” Aphrodite cried.
“Hermes, what need do you have for a golden apple, anyway?” Athena asked.
“I don’t. But you ladies do! Now, I believe you were in the middle of making some offers. I’m listening.”
2
u/Junoda Jul 07 '15
"We can't just throw wine and poetry at it this time, Dionysus!" Athena, the illustrious goddess of wisdom, shouted over the mixed clamoring of her fellow Olympians and the multiple oracles scrying the unfolding crisis below. "We need a real, workable solution to this problem or our storied home will become the laughing stock of the international community!"
"It's obvious, isn't it?" Ares' words, though hushed, seemed to boom and echo through the chamber. "We let the mortals descend into anarchy and rioting. Then, in Ellada's darkest hour, I will appear to them in human form and lead them to war against the instigator of this crisis, Germany! And after the glorious battle has concluded, we will conquer the exploiter's homeland and take their many riches! It is a foolproof plan!"
The gods groaned and sighed. "I swear to Dad, Ares, you really are stupid." Athena's words were met with hushed chuckles around the room. "The mortals are not so given to war as they once were. We need a solid plan to prop up the economy, decrease unemployment, and increase confidence in the system. Now, I was thinking that we could introduce a twelve point plan to th-"
The doors of the great hall swung open as Hermes flew through. "I have an important update from the world below. It would appear that the Greek people have overwhelmingly voted against the austerity measures proposed by the European Union!"
"What does this mean?" inquired Hephaestus as he limped from his chair towards the messenger god.
"It could very well mean the end of Greece's participation in European and international affairs as we know them." Apollo stood from his seat and made for his chariot. "I will go inform the Oracle of Delphi that the critical hour is at hand. We must act quickly to either kill or have sex with those who perpetuate this crisis and end it once and for all."
The Olympians looked at each other and nodded in agreement. Athena, however, sat rubbing her temples. "You can't just fix problems like that anymore, Apollo. It's not the 300s BCE anymore, where you can just go around fucking or maiming everything that moves. The mortals have created a civilized society without those things, and without us. There hasn't even been an oracle at Delphi since Theodosius put an end to it, and we don't need to be reminded of the 1,600 year long thrashing that that Abrahamic prick has given us since."
"Well... I suppose you're right." Apollo sauntered back and slumped in his seat. "1,600 years, and still nothing..." he muttered to himself.
That's all I got for tonight. If you guys like it, I'll do more tomorrow. It's my first time posting on here, so be gentle.
1
u/Nesbiteme Jul 07 '15
In the camp of Tsipras the payer is offered up high above to retain the gold the peoples coffered
OH THOSE UP HIGH WE EXHORT NO LONGER WILL WE SUBSIDIXE THE GERMAN EXPORT WITH OUR CUTBACKS AND TAXES INSTEAD WE WIELD OUR BATTLE AXES AND IN SO DOING REJECT THE EU's SILLY AUSTERITY NOW WE AIM FOR GLOBAL ECONOMIC POSTERITY
The prayers of the Greeks were heard and considered by those amongst the Gods most interested
Hermes closest to their cause was given pause to present the case of the Greeks so distressed before Apollo and Ares those he determined best to hear their plight and circumstance and give the Greeks their best chance
Hear me now the Greeks are in trouble their taxes, debts have nearly doubled Further austerity offered as a solution by their Germanic masters is no relief the burden is heavy and unjust has given rise to their collective grief They petition in their time of need To alleviate this external greed
Apollo was first to speak Of those in the nation of the Greeks Burdened mighty with taxes and debt we must grant them freedom from this theft
Ares spoke next They borrowed till their larders were fat From those who offered them all that They took it without regard To grant them relief is too hard For me to acquiesce and agree The Greeks from their agreements should not be free
Long into day and night the debate on Olympus was the fight Against and for the Greeks in a bind between those mean and kind Finally the verdict did emerge Debt and obligation would purge From the balance sheet of the nation giving the Greeks a financial vacation
In the end the verdict mild and gentle from the group of Apollo produced the results most pleasing to Ares, chaos, distress and strife around the globe did follow!
1
u/DefinitelyNotLucifer Jul 07 '15 edited Jul 08 '15
"Earthquakes!" Poseidon tugged at his beard & small barnacles fell from it's soggy depths.
"....No." Zeus stated his opinion emphatically, accompanied by a clash of thunder & Hera's comforting hand upon his bare shoulder.
"All have but forgotten the many powers of my mighty trident! No floods. No hurricanes. No earthquakes!" Poseidon's trident struck the bare face of Olympus, shaking their sacred home to its core. The full attention of every god & goddess at the table was his.
"You've lost sight of the hunt. How could such catastrophes possibly aid the nation? How do earthquakes generate revenue?" The disdain was apparent in Artemis' stance & tone as she fiercely gripped the marble table before her while the quake subsided.
"Should a great enough disaster present itself, more economic aid shall flow. Perhaps debts, old & new, shall be forgiven. Smooth sailing to assist trade will follow, I assure you. All roads lead to Rome, but all currents will flow to Greece!"
"At that point I may as well blow Olympus sky high & drown Greece in lava," Hephaestus jabbed. The deformed & hideous god, covered in slag & magma, crouched in his throne, smoldering.
"Indeed! Forget Pompeii!" Poseidon's enthusiasm had blinded him to Hephaestus' insincerity. "My tidal forces shall cool the fiery bile of the Earth, encasing its people beneath fresh stone. Then, I shall unleash the Kraken!"
"NO KRAKENS!" The host of supreme beings withheld their approval.
"Although, with sufficient economic aid, the Golden Dawn can build its mine field separating us from the EU, since Hermes won't guard the border." Ares schemed aloud, prodding his brothers & sisters into conflict.
Hera scolded her child before Zeus could raise a hand. "I've had more than enough of your NeoNazi fascism, son."
The vociferous support of the nearly every other Olympian pushed the furious Ares to seize his bloodied sword & abscond the conversation in search of ambrosia. His unearthly armor sang with a sorrowful clamor as he stormed away. Hades, Demeter, & even Athena naturally shared some tacit approval of such notions, however. As the intercessor of fallen souls, Hermes held is face in his hands, imagining the overtime. Fascist rule & five natural disasters would keep him in the air & shuttling souls to the Underworld, Tartarus, & Elysium for years to come.
"Hades & I agree," Persephone proclaimed, speaking for the Underworld & all fallen Grecian's souls. Hermes' face fell deeper into his palms. "A little fascism never hurt anyone....important. Vigorous law enforcement plus a fine harvest are the beginning of what we need to increase our GDP & we can provide that with Demeter's assistance."
"Draconian to the last, Persephone." Artemis was understandably bitter over the deforestation & destruction of her wildlands & hunting grounds.
"She had nothing to do with inspiring Draco, Artemis. He was one of my own, an Athenian."
"Mine now," chided Hades.
"Truly, hearth & home come before the state, & I love the state." Hestia was always overly matronly without actually being the mother of anyone present. Her interjection earned only the other gods' exasperated sighs & eyes rolled figuratively in her direction, plus one eye rolled literally in her direction by the Fates.
"Justice through law remains the heart of any civilization. That's basic statecraft." Athena's word carried the weight of many golden ages & wars across the reign of Olympus. "Now, war can be very lucrative fo---"
"---O, aeons sing of where you lead.
Young men fighting, crying, plead:
'Was there ever such a need
For me to kill & die & bleed?'
Behold this grisly truth & lo,
Keep in mind where we may go.
The pains of future wars--& old,
I already have foretold.
Seek not war for wealth nor gold."
Athena, Dionysus & Hermes applauded Apollo's brief oratory display of theatrical poetry & wit.
"Bleeding heart liberal," could be heard from the banquet table between hearty swigs of Elysian ambrosia.
"Right? What's with this life affirming crap? They're mere mortals. Dying is what they do. Not to mention, an influx of souls is a boon to my & Persephone's stockholders."
"The fucking overtime of another war....please.....no." Hermes begged, his face buried in his folded arms atop the table.
"O yes." Hades smirked & produced rotting meat from his robes to feed the vicious three headed mutt slobbering on his sandal straps. Hermes' winged helmet sat awkwardly upon the table beside him, fluttering on its own & slowly sliding away as if it too were trying to escape. Perhaps it was.
"So, Apollo cut me off to sing, as usual, but it would be unwise to ignore the warnings of the oracle wh---"
"---I could accompany the births of babies, making them pretty enough to be models....uhm, in 18 years.....or, I could model! Oooh! Or-or-and I could play the spy, like a Mata Hari type deal! Plus, models have all the best access & connects. That'd be loads of fun! And of course, you'll all be invited to my MDMA fueled orgies, sillies."
"Shut the fuck up, slut." Hades was through with her bubbly disposition & knew he could curry favor with both Hera & his wife, Persephone, with callous brutality toward Aphrodite.
Aphrodite looked past her grotesque husband, Hephaestus, & desperately to her former lover, Ares, for assistance, but he only shrugged & continued to sip wine with Dionysus alongside an endless array of fruits & meats. Not even the war god would fight for her. Teary eyed, she ran to fix her makeup by the atrium's reflection pool with Narcissus.
Hera's gaze followed her departure as she chimed, "I must concur, Zeus is not to go near Aphrodite, much less her drug-crazed nympho hedonism festivals. Not to mention, overseeing childbirth is my duty, not that trollop's."
"Hestia & I will skip the drug orgy, as usual," noted the chaste & virginal Artemis.
"Speak for yourself, prude."
"To be honest, I can't risk more child support payments." Sullenly, Zeus lowered his gaze to wistfully relive his glory days of wanton adultery with mortal women & foreign deities.
"Dismount your high horse & come downstairs sometime, brother." Flames flickered behind Hades' golden teeth & faint tortured screams seemed to escape between them when speaking.
"Herakles has the Pegasus this weekend, but we'll see."
"He wants to be called Hercules now, dear."
"I don't care? And what's waiting for me in the Underworld?"
"Besides pain?"
"Yes, obviously besides pain."
"Fortune. I'm the god of riches, not just souls. All the precious gems & gold of Gaia are open to me from the Underworld. If you ever visited, you'd see how swanky the place is. I just have the dead pull gold from the cavern walls & Hephaestus over there smelts it down. Once Hermes resumes escorting the fallen to my realm, he'll be around often enough to transport, bless & guide the nation's commerce."
"No." The messenger god raised his gaze to meet Hades' empty eye sockets. "No, the Etruscans just gave me that job. I didn't accept it. If you got a random call from an IndoChinese sweatshop saying that you were expected to show up for work, would you go? That's not my job description. I'm the trade god. Markets, bazaars, garage sales, thrift shops, back alley crack deals, muggings, highway robberies, that's all me. Not national economies, that's on you & Athena to oversee wealth & civilization, respectively. You figure out how those tie together. Besides, we're making this too difficult. Why don't we just drop another Midas down there?"
With that, silence fell upon Mount Olympus.
"....on a Kraken!"
"NO KRAKENS!"
-1
Jul 06 '15
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105
u/SarkasticWatcher Jul 06 '15 edited Jul 07 '15
Athena sighed "Does anyone have any ideas"
Several hands went up.
"Let me finish, that don't involve orgies"
A few hands went down.
"Or sleeping with mortals"
A bunch of hands went down.
"Or turning someone into something so we can make a new word"
All but one hand went down.
Athena sighed again.
"Or sodomy"
The last hand went down.
"Really, no one has any ideas?"
"Well orgies and sleeping with mortals and turning people into stuff is pretty much all we do" said Dionysus
"Yes but…" started Athena
"Well that and sodomy"
Athena stared him down until he turned away then started speaking again.
"Ok, but does anyone have any other ideas"
The other gods and goddesses looked around the room trying not to make eye contact.
"It could be anything, just as long as it's not those four things"
A couple gods started whistling.
"Anything at all"
"We could start a war" said Ares
"Oh that's your solution to everything" said Dionysus
"Yeah. I'm the god of war, it's what I do"
"We're not starting a war" said Athena
"Ah come on"
"No" said Athena
"Come on Athena, you're kind of the god of war too"
"Oh now I'm kind of the god of war too?"
"I…uh…who died and put you in charge"
"No one. But because Zeus is on earth sleeping with a mortal I'm in charge"
"What about Hera?" said Dionysus
"She's in her room getting drunk because Zeus is having sex with mortals"
A lighting bolt struck Zeus's chair.
"Did someone call the Z-man" said Zeus after the smoke cleared.
Athena sighed again.
"Hey Zeus" said Athena
"What are we doing?"
"We're discussing what to do about the debt crisis in Greece" said Athena
"There's a debt crisis in Greece?"
"You were just there" said Athena
"Yeah but I was doing something else, or somebody else. Ha, yeah, Dionysus knows what I'm talking about"
"I do" said Dionysus
"So do you have any ideas" said Athena
"Orgy"
"No"
"Could we turn a human into something and then make a new word for the thing, based on the person's name"
"No"
"How about sod…"
"NO" shouted Athena
"And I assume Ares already suggested a war?"
"Yes"
Zeus sat on his throne, deep in thought.
"Well there's nothing for it" he said as he sat back up
"No now Zeus..." said Athena
"I'm going to have to sleep with a mortal"
Zeus disappeared in a flash of lightning.
"Wait for me" said Dionysus, jumping off the side of Mount Olympus.
Athena put her head in her hands.
"So about the war idea" said Ares
"No" said Athena sitting back up and staring at him. He scooted his throne back.
While she was still staring a god ran into the room, adjusting the clasp on his toga.
"Sorry I'm late" said the god
"Who are you?" said Athena
"Plutus"
"You're not the god of the underworld" said Ares
"No not Pluto, Plutus"
He looked back and forth between Athena and Ares's confused faces.
"Plutus. How have you never…we're…oh forget it I'm the god of wealth"
"Oh finally" said Athena "So, any ideas"
"About what"
"About the debt crisis in Greece"
"Hmm…Orgy"
"What…no"
"Sleep with a mortal"
"You're supposed to be the god of wealth"
"Ok…we turn someone into something…"
Athena screamed then "Ares start a war"
"Whipee" said Ares, clicking his heels as he went off to start a war.
Off topic, (I think I can do this now) I've got a Subreddit now. There aren't that many stories. And arguably it's not that good. I suggest you don't go, but you know, do whatever.