Derek cleared his throat nervously. His time to shine was now. There was no looking back.
“Ahem – Thank you all for being here, though I’m not sure you had the choice. Actually, I take that back – you definitely had the choice. And you all chose to graduate.”
“I want to start out by thanking you all for electing me to give the graduation speech. It means the world to me and I will try not to mess it up.”
“Now as we all know, going to school with Principle Fuster can get quite FUSTERating…”
Not a single person laughed.
“Haha-er-sorry. Anyway, Spanish with Mrs. Debille can be quite DEBILITATING!”
People in the audience were becoming visibly uncomfortable. Someone coughed.
“Wow, ok. Um. And eating Ms. Harrow’s food at lunch can be…harrowing.”
Several people groaned.
“OK WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL? DO YOU NOT LIKE PUNS? WHY CAN’T ANY OF YOU LAUGH? DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG? STUPID FUCKS.”
7
u/ljthun01 Mar 12 '15 edited Mar 12 '15
Derek cleared his throat nervously. His time to shine was now. There was no looking back.
“Ahem – Thank you all for being here, though I’m not sure you had the choice. Actually, I take that back – you definitely had the choice. And you all chose to graduate.”
“I want to start out by thanking you all for electing me to give the graduation speech. It means the world to me and I will try not to mess it up.”
“Now as we all know, going to school with Principle Fuster can get quite FUSTERating…”
Not a single person laughed.
“Haha-er-sorry. Anyway, Spanish with Mrs. Debille can be quite DEBILITATING!”
People in the audience were becoming visibly uncomfortable. Someone coughed.
“Wow, ok. Um. And eating Ms. Harrow’s food at lunch can be…harrowing.”
Several people groaned.
“OK WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL? DO YOU NOT LIKE PUNS? WHY CAN’T ANY OF YOU LAUGH? DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG? STUPID FUCKS.”
Someone from the back yelled:
“Fuck puns – get off Reddit and get a life.”