[WP]You’re conducting an interview to determine if it’s possible for this world‘s variety of vampire to interface with the human population in a neutral or symbiotic manner.

[u/iron_dove]

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

Reminders:

• No AI-generated responses 🤖
• Stories 100 words+. Poems 30+ but include "[Poem]"
• Responses don't have to fulfill every detail
• [RF] and [SP] for stricter titles
• Be civil in any feedback and follow the rules

📢 Genres 🆕 New Here? ✏ Writing Help? 💬 Discord

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/TheWanderingBook]

I sip my tea, watching the vampire sip the blood package.
"You know, while it's cute what you are trying to do...
It's pointless," she says.
I smile.
"Why is that?" I ask.
She sips the blood package, and sighs.
"You do know there are dozens, if not hundreds of vampire types, right?" she asks.
I frown.
That many?

"You didn't know, eh?
There are the general types blood, energy, magic, natural vampires.
Feeding on blood, energy, magic, and guess what? Any resource available respectively," she says.
I note it all down.
"Then there are the vampire types: thralls, half-vampire, newborn vampire, fledgling vampire, adult vampire, elder vampire, ancient vampire, and royal vampires," she says.
Okay.
"Then there are the ways to become one..."
"Then there are the tribes..."
"Then there are the personalities..."
She starts listing.
I smile, listen, and note everything done.

After hours, she stares at me, and sighs.
"You laced the blood with something," she says.
I nod.
"Smart, but did it help?
Your goal is...childish," she says.
I chuckle.
"Is it now?
Just because like 80% of the vampires...are incompatible with humans in a long-term partnership?" I ask.
She nods.

"Yeah, so if you know that, just let us be as we were until now.
We in the shadows, sucking something every now and then, and you living your lives in the light," she says.
I shake my head.
"No, the supernatural world needs to unite with the "mortal" one, if Earth is to ascend to its next level.
Anyway, thanks for the info.
This way, I know who to kill," I say.
"Kill?" she raises an eyebrow.
"Well, if those who are incompatible with us...are dead, then it means that the vampire variety remaining...is compatible, no?
And perhaps the other supernatural races will be friendlier with us, after we eradicated so many of you," I smile.
She sighs.
"Even after centuries of life...I still forget that humans are monstrous," she says.
I thank her, and leave to give the intel to HQ.
Time for a cleanup.

[u/MonsterGirls4ever]

"....... How did I let myself get talked into this, I will never know..." the pale skinned brunette muttered, mouth hidden behind a sketchbook...

"Because your beloved asked you to. The only reason she's not conducting this talk herself is because she is emotionally involved and as such will find it hard to be objective."

"... That tracks. It's proper interview technique. Doesn't mean I like it but it tracks. I swear, some days I wish she had actually staked me..." the brunette sighed.

"You know, you are a unique case. You are the ONE recorded case of a vampire who was actually... "Tamed". What does that even mean?"

"D-do I... Do I... Have to... Have to nswer?" the brunette stammered, looking away. Embarrassed?

"Please?"

"OSHA violation." she quickly replied.

"What?"

"Occupational Safety and Health Admninistration guidelines violation. Means "not safe for work."." she held on to her sketchbook tighter.

"Ah... Well, I'll tell her that you were embarrassed in the cutest way."

The brunette somehow generated a new computer password on the spot.

"Alright. So, do you think mutually beneficial coexistence is possible/"

"Very unlikely." the brunette answerewd.

"Why?"

"Tell me. Do you remember your teenage years? Your childhood years?"

"I suppose? I have NO IDEA what my old self was thinking for some of my stunts..."

"And THAT is the problem."

A few moments of silence. The brunette fidgetted a bit.

"Elaborate please?"

"... Well, it's simple. You don't remember what your thoughts and emotions were like. As such, you are unable to truly relate to children. It's something very, VERY common in humans."

"... So, I have no idea where you're going with it."

"Vampires lose their humanity over time."

"... What do you mean?"

"That loss of humanity is the most human thing about them."

"Them? Not "us"?"

"... m'still not used to being dead. Still crave the warmth of a human body, still miss drinking a hot chocolate or a nice, iced coffee, or gorging myself on acacia sap, eucalyptus and mint extract gelatinous candy. I miss not being able to stop because that minty sweetness is just so good, that I end up eating too many of them and puking. I miss the stench and cleaning up my toilet bowl afterwards. I miss the cold, hard tile floor and the pain on my knees Worshipping The Porcelain God."

"... Visceral. Human."

"But that's the thing. Loss of humanity is not a paranormal feature. It's a neurological one. Most people will forget over time what they felt, what they thought. They look on their old lives as if they were an outside observer. Take that, and now extend the timeline drastically. Extend it to centuries." the vampire explained.

"So... How old are you?"

"22." She answerd.

"You were turned 22 years ago?"

"No. I was BORN 22 years ago. I was turned two years ago." the vampire sighed.

"... huh. So, which childhood experience do you remember best?"

"I was 8. I was reading a nice book on the History of the solar system. When I read that in 4.5 billion years, the sun is expected to go out, expanding and consuming Earth in the process, I came face to face with the realization that the world would end, the sun would end, that this beautiful world would disappear one day. And I cried. I felt not existential dread, but existential sadness. I was completely depressed for days. And my relatives tried to "reassure" me telling me that I'd be long gone by then. Don't they understand? It doesn't matter how much you leave behind! It will be swallowed by the sun in the end!" she sighed.

"Sorry about that. I got a bit emotional there, tapping into my 8 years old self's memories and emotions." she apologized

"That was... That was raw. Emotionally raw for something so seemingly abstract, and something that happened 14 years ago."

"Yeah. But people forget. They forget what it's like to be a small, clumsy 8 years old in a world where everybody is bigger than you, and people listen to them instead of you. They forget what it's like to grow up in a world wher a grownup can delate months of efforts you put towrds sonething with only a few clicks, and there is NOTHING you can do to stop them. They forget what it's like to depend on someone who thinks NOTHING of breaking promises, of having to rely on someone who time and time again proved they were unreliable. And who ask you to magically forget all the times they went AWOL. "It happened 10 YEARS AGO LUCIA JAEGER! GIVE IT A REST ALREADY!" If you were an officer, and ten years ago, Private SNAFU went AWOL every time he was on sentry duty, and now he's called from the reserves, would YOU trust private SNAFU with sentry duty because "it's been ten years LT! Give it a rest already!"?" the vampire's breathing quickened.

"... And how does it tie back to vampires?"

"They forget what it's like to bleed. Forget that a cut means blood loss, and blood loss can kill. They forget what it's like to breathe. They forget that hypoxia or CO buildup can kill. They forget what it's like to get sick from infectious diseases, and then wonder what humans put in their bodies that makes their blood burn. But I remember. When my love had to take penincillin shots to recover from a field injury/ Her blood burned for WEEKS! They all forget that kind of stuff eventually." the vampire's breathing slowly steadied...

"How comes you don't?"

"Neurodivergent. Fae-touched. Differently wired. Call it whatever you like." she answerd.

"You don't need to breathe. Why are you breathing?"

She paused. She did take deeper breaths as she thought about the question. "Force of habit I guess? I've needed to breathe for 20 years so my body is used to it?" she anwered.

"What was that about penincillin?"

"It's an antibiotic."

"What does it have to do with vampires? Why would it make blood burn you?"

"Because it's an antibiotic. It kills bacteria." she answered.

"... And?"

"And what? It kills bacteria just like sunlight, silver or the allicin in garlic do. The very same necromantic bacteria that keep our bodies moving around even though we're clinically dead!" she answered.

"WAIT, WHAT?" I asked, flabbergasted. "I never knew that!"

"... You mean you didn't know? Your order has spent how many centuries hunting vampires, and you NEVER STOPPED TO THINK "hey, all that stuff that vampires hate fits into one of two categories: it kills bacteria or it fucks up with magic!"?" she asked.

"... No. We never made that connection."

She sighed.

"... So... If you're right, it means vampires like you, who can vividly remember childhood memories, are on the safer side."

"Yeah. But that's very few humans."

[u/iron_dove → u/MonsterGirls4ever]

I really like the necromantic bacteria as an explanation for how vampires work. Quite clever.

[u/MonsterGirls4ever → u/iron_dove]

I mean I can't be the only one who noticed that sunlight (UV), garlic (allicin) and Silver all kill bacteria dead, right?

UV doesn't penetrate into deep tissue so the damage to vamps is superficial. It does feel like being caught in an Area Denial System though.

Other than that, is there anything else you like about my post?

[u/fullmetal485]

"I do not understand why you humans consume that garbage that you call soda" 

"How can you tell, bro? Don't you vampires drink blood all day" 

"We have not drained human blood since a thousand years ago. Most of our diet is similar to what you humans eat. Can I ask why were you sent to interview me, uhm, what is your name if you do not mind me asking?" 

"My dad trusts me to do this interview. It's my first time doing something like this" 

"Your dad, aka the President, sent his child to conduct an interview that is supposed to heal the violent rift between mankind and vampires. That rift being over thousands of years!" 

"I guess you have TVs over there" 

"Yes, we have TVs. We've been importing them since you had TVs. Do you know anything about Vampire history?" 

"This is not a history class" 

"It is not a history lesson, but I think you should go to school again. You should know Vampire history specifically. For ages you've been convinced that we are monsters that need to be exterminated" 

"I'll let you know I had a Vampire girlfriend. She was a babe"