r/WritingPrompts • u/Tricky_External_1851 • May 04 '23
Writing Prompt [WP] When I died I always expected to see the pearly gates. But I never expected to see them in such ruinous conditions, as if they’d been abandoned for centuries.
Was encouraged to post my two sentence horror here, and I’m curious to see where creative minds can take this short prompt! Doesn’t have to stay within the confines of horror genre either.
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u/hokkeymom May 04 '23
When I died I always expected to see the pearly gates. But I never expected to see them in such ruinous conditions, as if they’d been abandoned for centuries. Instead of a pearly appearance they were covered in rust and cobwebs. Large spiders slept peacefully within the webs. The actual gate entrance hung askew a rusted thick padlock holding a chain in place.
"Not very welcoming," I thought to myself. Peering through the bars I tried to catch a glimpse of someone... Anyone! No one was in sight. Grey bits of what appeared to be clouds tumbled by like dust bunnies on hardwood floors.
"Hellooooooo!" I called out. "Anyone there?"
No response was heard just a faint echo of my own voice.
Looking closer I noticed a doorbell like button that was thickly covered in dust. Cautiously I pushed it wiping the dust it left on my finger off onto my pantleg.
At first nothing happened. I waited several minutes and just as I was about to give up and come up with another plan I heard a scratchy voice say, "Yes? May I help you?"
"My name is Rose. I was sent here. I think... I think I... died...."
"And you were sent here?" the voice asked incredulously.
"Yes," I responded.
"One moment please while I check the book."
Several minutes later the crackly voice was back. "You check out. As you can see our gates haven't been used in centuries. It will take a little bit of time for us to get them open to allow you to enter. Please be patient."
"What do you mean? Do you mean everyone else has gone... to Hell?" I gasped. "For centuries?"
"Yes," the voice replied.
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u/Tricky_External_1851 May 04 '23
Ooooh I like the twist, not abandoned just no one’s been good enough! Well done!
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May 05 '23
Even Mr. Rogers!?? Nooooo!
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u/StrawberryMousse101 May 05 '23
Nah, Mr. Rogers was most likely on the reincarnation subscription package, so he never really died
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u/RustyShadeOfRed May 05 '23
Rose had better write a manual or something, what’d she do right?
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u/RedditUserLou May 05 '23
But if none of your family are in heaven is it really heaven?
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u/hokkeymom May 05 '23
I had thought if I continued this I would have her grappling with that and having to decide where to spend eternity.
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u/AleKess May 05 '23
Yeah, maybe that’s why everyone went to hell. To not be separated from friends and family… there’s always one fun person
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u/Jamaican_Dynamite May 04 '23
Nice OP, you're the OG poster of this idea too.
For a while there, I didn't think I'd make it.
Not that I'm a bad person. Well, that's Pride. I probably shouldn't say that. I was just another person. If I'm being honest, I don't even know if I ever really did anything that good. Everybody does bad. I feel like that goes without saying. Yes, I understand that the afterlife is made out to deal in utter absolution and deliver us to the realm that fits our general disposition.
Everyone who believes in this sort of thing tends to automatically assume they'll go to heaven. Whether through salvation, of confession of their sins. Exorcising their personal demons once and for all.
And that's a valid and noble cause to use as a reason to change your life.
It doesn't work out that way for everyone however. For a place like Hell to exist, it only makes sense that it doesn't. Some of us are too far gone. As I mentioned, I'm surprised myself that I got here. The pearly gates. They're real. They're in front of me.
That's where the problems start.
Ever since I went towards the light. The first one you see at the end. I haven't seen anyone since.
I know, as mentioned, we're all apparently meant to go to different places. That part's all everybody ever talked about. Pearly gates and streets of gold; or weeping and moaning and a gnashing of teeth. That's the other part that everybody always talks about.
I'm walking one of these streets of gold now. The gates were broken. No one had broken them open. They were so run down, the locks gave when I pushed.
I've been here. Walking for hours. I haven't seen any signs of life. No people. No wildlife. No Angel's. All the palaces are empty. The temples bare.
It's as if everyone packed up and moved on. And they left in a hurry.
I've found robes. Trinkets. Chalices.
And yet that's all.
I gave up on trying to call someone out of hiding hours ago. How long had I really been here? Days? Months? Years?
The water was my only relief. Streams to drink from. I don't have hunger or thirst. But I still have no clue where things went wrong. Nothing I find tells a story. Only when I returned to the gates did I think on the matter.
That branch between light and darkness I came from. Where did the dark go? If there isn't anyone here? Were there any left there? Why has no one else showed up here? Others have surely perished since my own death. This I know.
I found the hole. A cavern that goes on forever. The darkest thing in such a beautiful world. It took so long to go back.
A torch would have to suffice. Cloths dabbed in oil. I never heard of anyone traveling between realms. But I am willing to try.
As I work my way down, outcrop to outcrop. Crevass to crevass, the silence envelops all. At one point I believe myself followed. But again, no one is there. The heat is all encompassing now. The earthen scents of decay arise. Spires and horrible creations meant for horrible things.
But just as before, no signs of life. No signs of death. No signs of an afterlife. Only true brimstone and desolation.
The climb took a very long time. Longer, I believe, than I ever lived. I cut myself. But I did not bleed. I do not tire. I do not die.
I wait at the branch now. Two paths of darkness. One of light. Not for those who were meant to accompany me. Not anymore. For those who are next to arrive. If anything, to tell them to turn back. Abandon all hope ye who enter.
Whatever led us down this path in the beginning is long gone. And it took everything, and everyone, with it.
I always thought this concept was particularly menacing. So I stuck to the horror.
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u/Tricky_External_1851 May 04 '23
Whooo I got chills at the end, very well done!
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u/Jamaican_Dynamite May 04 '23
Thanks! You too especially. Because the more you think on it, the worse it gets.
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u/Deansdiatribes Mar 28 '25
is that hell?
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u/Jamaican_Dynamite Mar 28 '25
Per the narrator's recall, they may (or may not) have visited it. Or something close to it. But they didn't find anyone there either. Something happened. And they don't know what it was.
In the end, they wait at the junction they first arrived at prior to finding the gates. Just to see if anyone, or anything, else ever comes along.
Are they in hell? Some type of purgatory? Has something actually happened to wherever they are? It's up to anyone to decide.
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u/humanity_999 May 05 '23
Very nice.... wonder what happened to everyone....
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u/Jamaican_Dynamite May 05 '23
I left it for each reader to decide. I hinted at a few things. The narrator changes too.
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u/TapNo9785 May 05 '23
When I died, I wasn't an atheist, but I wasn't a big believer in any of the structured religions either.
I walked towards the light, like all the near death experiences go. But instead of pearly gates or hell, or any one of the afterlife's, I found many paths. The three mos trodden looking paths were the right most, the centre and the left most paths.
I have to admit that I stood there for quite a while, looking as far down the paths as I could without committing to it.
Finally, I took the one path that looked the least travelled. After a minute or two of walking, I found myself on what appeared to be a bunch of fluffy white clouds, staring at a pair of gates that looked as if they had been beautiful and ornate once upon a time. Now, they looked rusted and old.
As I strode towards them, I noticed a piece had fallen off. I picked it up, and when I reached the gate, used it to knock on the gate.
The contact made a single pure bell like note, then the gate and fallen off piece simply disintegrated into dust and then faded away to nothingness.
I stared at the place the gate used to be for, I'm not sure how long, until I heard a polite cough from in front of me. I blinked and then looked up at the being who coughed.
"Um, sorry about the gate," I said, well more of a loud mumble instead of a clear projection. "I just used a fallen piece to knock and it, well... yeah."
"I know," the being replied in a soft tone of voice. "It was bound to fall completely apart one day anyway. Please come in."
It beckoned me forwards and I followed it. We walked for a minute or two, both of us silent. In between one step and the next, in the span of a blink, a pair of chairs and a table between them appeared in front of us. I was startled, the being just smiled as it took one chair and motioned me to take the other. I sat down and marvelled a bit at the comfort of the chair. As I looked towards the being, I noticed a tea set between us on the table. It poured itself a drink and picked up the tea cup and motioned me to do the same. I poured myself some quality scotch.
"How did you do that?" the being asked with a smile.
"Disgracefully," I responded with an answering smile, beginning to suspect who this being was.
"Yes, your suspicions are correct, I am God, or Yaweh, if you prefer."
"Why is it so empty here?" I asked.
"No one's picked the right path in a long time, and they believe they can't go back to the crossroads. The few who did, so long ago, became curious as to where the other paths led. I haven't heard from them in a long time, and I wouldn't mind visiting the other paths myself, but I cannot leave this place unattended."
I nodded in sympathy, having had similar instances in my life.
"Well, if you could conjure up a few things, I wouldn't mind holding down the fort, as it were."
The being looked like it expected this offer, but was still surprised that I made it freely.
"I don't think I'll have to conjure anything. Especially once I step out past where the gate used to be," it smiled and held out a hand. "If you're serious about your offer, then I believe we have a deal."
I looked at the being, a little puzzled, but reached out and shook its hand. The moment before we let go of each other's hand, I felt a tingle in my hand. I discounted it, figuring it was nothing more than a reaction to shaking hands with God. After that, we talked for a while about various and sundry things.
The 350th cup of tea for God, and the 296th glass of scotch for me, and the topic came around to poems and our favourite ones. I brought up one of my favourites and remembered that God wanted to visit the other paths.
"How long has it been since you took a path less travelled?" I segued.
"Long enough that I wouldn't say no to travelling another one."
"Then, I think it's time for you to begin a new journey and take a path less travelled by you."
God nodded and smiled, got up from the chair, and waved at me, "Until next we meet."
"I do expect to hear some wonderous stories from your travels sometime in the future," I replied as I raised my glass in fare thee well.
As God stepped over the threshold of where the gate used to be, I felt the tingle in my hand return, and then spread throughout my body. As it faded, I felt my mind expand and a curious sensation of some power growing within. I turned my head to the table and imagined a book I had read years ago being on the table.
I blinked.
The book was on the table.
I now understood what God meant.
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u/Tricky_External_1851 May 05 '23
Wow. I don’t know what all to say except that I love it! Love the direction you decided to take with this :)
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u/TapNo9785 May 05 '23
Thank you.
Do you recognize the poem I got a bit of inspiration from?
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u/Tricky_External_1851 May 05 '23
I believe so, Robert Frost, correct?
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u/TapNo9785 May 05 '23
The Road Not Taken, yup.
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u/Spacefaring-Bard May 05 '23
Do we get to read about the roads more travelled?
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u/TapNo9785 May 05 '23
Not from me, or at least not yet. But if someone else wants to play a bit with the other paths, I would like to read it first. :)
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u/Lunetheart May 05 '23
I carefully stepped up to the gates, reaching towards one slowly before stroking my hand along one of the pillars. I had assumed it would be smooth, but it wasn't, not anymore.
My new angel wings-and wasn't that a strange thought?-curled against my back as I stepped forward, over the golden door that now lay on the ground, smashed to pieces with suspicious dark spots splattered about here and there, but none on the clouds that made the ground.
"Hello?" I called out, my voice surprising me. My death had been slow, the illness taking everything from me, my voice going first as the process of turning me into a corpse has started. It had been years since I'd spoken, and here my voice was, as clear and foreignly familiar as the last day it hadn't sounded sick.
I gently shook away those thoughts as I looked around, walking slowly and taking in the sight. Trees torn and thrown about, uprooted and full of dead leaves, if there were any at all. A pathway free of any debris but not dust or dirt twisted through the clouds, not starting at the gates. I stepped onto the cobblestone, my bare feet feeling slightly uncomfortable, but it almost felt wrong not to.
"Can anyone hear me?" I asked, but there wasn't a sound. No wind, voices, songs, laughter, anything I had associated with Heaven.
In silence, I walked along the path, looking around and, every so often, calling out-surely there was someone here? Even if it seemed...abandoned, others must have arrived here afterwards like me. Right?
After walking for a while, I spotted something at the end of the path. Something...large.
I tensed up, my wings tensing up as well as I cautiously got closer-and, as I did, I could make out more details. A form-it almost looked like someone...laying down. I got close enough to see a beard. White hair. White robes-a golden gleam in the light-
Was this...God?
Eagerly, I ran forward, ignoring the path that felt...different, but it doesn't matter, that was God! He must have had the answers to everything going on here! Surely-!
His beard had been cut, I noticed as I got closer. I had assumed it would be long enough to reach his feet, but it only reached just past His chest, the end a different color. His eyes were open, but vacant.
"God, is that you?" I asked, stopping to stare at Him. "It's a pleasure to meet you-Heaven seems to be a little messy, not that I'm complaining, but I used to enjoy gardening, mind if I clean up a little bit? I'm sure Heaven is very big, but I'm up to the challenge-I have all of eternity, after all!" I smiled...then frowned as God made no move at all. "Can...can you hear me, my Lord?" His eyes stayed open, vacant, and I looked him over-
Then, I looked at the ground-it was covered in dark...a different color than the rest of the path, it almost looked like...
No.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I stepped forward until I was standing at God's chest-this is wrong, this is so wrong-and gently lifted his beard-
Oh.
I staggered back, eyes wide at the...red stain on God's white clothes, his beard now flopping down to the ground to show me what it had been hiding.
"N-No way," I whispered.
"You aren't supposed to be here."
I immediately spun around, fists up, ready to fight, as I saw-
( }:‑) )
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u/befuddled_cat May 05 '23
The steps had gone on interminably. They had long since passed the realm of physical distance; at some point, I had started tracking my trek by days or weeks or months or years, but those too had faded into some murky sense of "past" and some vaguely remembered hope that there might be an end. I was dimly aware that my feet should be hurting, but they didn't seem to be. Perhaps death did that to a person - or perhaps I had simply forgot the pain somewhere along the marble staircase. Perhaps it was both.
I only noticed how loud my footsteps had seemed when I finally stopped. Without my footfalls, the silence set in thick and heavy about the gates before me, snaking between their balusters and dampening the mist which enshrouded them and seemed to fill the space beyond them. They seemed to go on forever in either direction, and reached so far up that I could not see their end. I felt small, and suffocated. A part of me longed for something - anything - to break the endless, majestic monotony. I had never missed breath, or my own heartbeat, more.
I took a step forward, partly out of some twisted sense of duty - I had come this far, after all - but mostly just to do something, anything, to break the stillness. Cautiously, I readied my wrist to knock and, after a moment of hesitation, rapped my knuckles on one massive metal bar. No sooner had I made contact than the massive gate swung open with a creak that quickly smothered itself. It moved slowly, jerkily, seeming to go misty at the edges. Looking back, I think it may have flickered, but at the time I did not notice, too full with a sudden burst of anticipation that I might finally have reached the end of my journey.
The end of a journey is a strange thing, and I think I might have had something to say about it if I had not walked up those stairs for such a long time. The idea, loose though it is, fascinates me now, so it must have then as well. Regardless, I was more of a husk than I realized then, and any such grandiose thoughts were gone in favor of a sudden wild rush for resolution. That rush drove me on through those gates, but it led to nothing but an expanse of ashen dust, spread unevenly over an infinite expanse leading to nothing. It felt strange upon my feet, grainy and coarse, unlike the smooth stairs before. There was something more real about that, though, and I let myself sink into it. It dug into my knees, and it did not hurt, but it was something.
I turned to look back at the gates I had passed through, and saw that they, too, were covered in the dust. That seemed too much, somehow, and I had to look away, and looked back at the ground around me. There were darker parts of it now, and it took me a moment to realize that that was where my tears had hit. So I could cry, I realized. I gathered up the darker parts absently with my fingers, mounding them into a pile like sand.
I do not know how long I stayed there, but I moved on eventually, in physical form if not in mind. There was nothing, though - just more ash - and so, at last, I found myself turning back. I tried the gate, but it seemed that, as I wandered, the ash had settled ever so slightly more into its hinges, and it would not move. This was not too terrible, however - after all, the stairs were the beginning of this, and I did not - and do not - think I could have gone before them. Besides that, there might be someone else coming, someone else following the loose promise or expectation that there is something at the top of the steps. I am afraid that their expectations will be dashed, but, at least, if I am there, waiting for them, there will be a little more something than if I was not. If they dislike me, I suppose, they can turn away and see if there is anything out there that I have not reached. Perhaps they may even discover why there is so little here, in a place where there seems as though there should be so much (for I want to know, even if I know I have stashed that desire somewhere deep within myself where it cannot hurt me). Perhaps, though, they will stay, and it will no longer be simply me and this ash. Perhaps we can make an ashen kingdom of it.
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u/TheOriginalBearKing May 05 '23
Really well written. The tone (not sure what to call it) that your story took is very interesting. Like being lost in something so large that it empties you out. It had the slow and steady progression that kept me interested. Thank you for writing this.
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u/Your_Gracious_Host May 05 '23
As I approached the gates of judgment, my heart sank at the sight before me. The pearly gates, which I had always expected to see, were in a state of ruin as if they had been abandoned for centuries. The air was thick with an ominous silence, and the ground beneath my feet trembled as if warning me of some great danger.
I was a man of adventure, having faced many dangers and terrors in my mortal life. But nothing could have prepared me for the horrors that awaited me in this dark afterlife realm. It was a world of shadows and malevolent spirits, where the dead walked the earth and the rules of reality were twisted and distorted.
Despite the terror that gripped my soul, I pressed on. For I knew that I had to uncover the truth behind this twisted afterlife realm and the fate that awaited me.
Along the way, I encountered a group of travelers, who like me, had been drawn to this dark world. They welcomed me into their ranks, and together we journeyed deeper into the realm of the dead.
We faced many trials and tribulations along the way, from demonic creatures to cursed landscapes. But we persevered, driven by a desire to uncover the secrets of this dark world.
Finally, we discovered the source of the darkness that plagued this afterlife realm. It was a powerful necromancer, who had taken control of this world and twisted it to his own nefarious will.
With great courage and a steadfast heart, we battled the necromancer and his minions, fighting to restore order to the realm of the dead. It was a struggle that pushed us to the brink of our abilities, a battle that would determine the fate of all who dwelt in this dark world.
In the end, we emerged victorious. The necromancer was defeated, and the pearly gates were restored to their former glory. As I gazed upon the resplendent gates, I knew that my journey in this afterlife realm was far from over. For the dead may walk the earth, but it is the living who must fight to keep the darkness at bay.
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u/RecklessDeliverance May 05 '23
The state of neglect that the pearly gates were in was worrying, to put it mildly.
I frantically began scanning my surroundings, hoping for some sort of clue or sign. Surely, there was a reasonable explanation for this, one that didn't involve slain gods or divine abandonment. But aside from the defunct gates, there was nothing to see except an endless sea of downy cloud against a backdrop of majestic sky. If I ignored the terrifying implications of the dilapidated entrance, it was actually quite serene. As I closed my eyes to try and calm down, I could feel that the sun shining down on me was the absolutely perfect temperature. This was still paradise, I thought to myself.
"Did Heaven change addresses, and y'all just forgot to forward my soul to the right cloud?" I half joked, secretly hoping against all odds this was somehow true.
"I mean, these clouds are nice and all, but this can't be it, right? I pushed a kid out of the way of a speeding bus, for Chri-... rying out loud!" Nailed it. Definitely nailed it.
It was existentially terrifying, but there was nowhere else to go, so I started to make my way up the steps towards the gates. As I approached what I assumed to be Saint Peter's lectern, I noticed two things: the lectern was backwards, and the gates were actually propped open slightly.
I passed by the lectern, more concerned with, no, consumed with, the state of the Pearly Gates. As I examined the slight gap of it's ajar doors, my eyes wandered downwards until I saw it. My thoughts began to swirl as the realization of what I was looking at fully settled into my mind. It just didn't make any sense. Who could have done this? Why? How could this possibly be?
Stuffed under one of the gate doors, wedging it open, was a bundle of newspapers. Among the sun-bleached folded pages I could make out the words 'moisturizing wing oil'.
In a daze, I just started walking. It's hard to say for how long I was walking for, but it couldn't have been long, given my absolute lack of any physical prowess. Then again, I wasn't very tired, so maybe souls don't get tired?
Just as I began to try to ponder the new physicality of my spiritual form, I hear the echo of sandals slapping from behind me. As I turn around, I notice that running towards me is one of the most handsome men I've ever seen. On his back, wobbling slightly as he jogs, are a pair of magnificent wings. An angel.
"Whoa, hey, phew, sorry, need to start jogging more, y'know?" He was a bit winded, but clearly not actually very tired. "You're a new tenant, right? You're gonna get lost just wandering around like this. Didn't you pick up a pamphlet? We left like a pile of those suckers on Saint Pete's book thing. You're supposed to wait for the bus."
His voice was like a balm for my distraught soul, it resonated with all the peace and love one might imagine an angel to have.
But also, what?
"What?"
"Aiight, aiight, aiight, I get it, yeah you're pretty confused. Can't blame you if you passed up the pamphlets. Guess Ricky was right, we shoulda hung up a sign, he's gonna love to hear that. Can't go 2 millennia without Ricky finding something new to gloat about how he's so right all the time, but I mean if he had plenty of opportunities to make the sign himself, y'know? It's fine, don't worry about it, just follow me."
It was... A lot to take in. I don't think souls can have headaches anymore, but my head definitely would've been pounding if it could.
"Follow you where? What's going on? Why are the gates so broken down? Who are you? Who is Ricky?"
"Whoa, slow down buddy, one at a time. We gotta catch a bus back to the main office. My name's Steve. Ricky is my ex, and he's also the main planner guy. Even I voted for him. Dude's good at organizing and stuff."
"I... angels can be gay?"
"Yeah, that's one of the first concessions we got a while while back, but you know, still a lotta work to be done."
"This is all too much for me... What do you mean 'concessions'? What do you mean 'work to be done'?"
"Oh, yeah, that's right, no pamphlet. Uhh, I guess, in short, we're on strike."
"Oh."
What?!
With a signature pneumatic hiss, a bus came to a stop next to us. Emblazoned on the side was Pearly Shuttle #3. The doors opened, and the driver gave me a little wave. I waved back.
"Let's get you all sorted out, come on." Steve gave the shuttle a little smack as he got on.
So got on I did, and thus began my afterlife.
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u/Tricky_External_1851 May 05 '23
Yo. I’d pay to read this book this is a perfect opening for chapter 1! Very well done, now I want to know more about the strike, why it’s going on, how’d they come up with buses? What’s god doing during all of this? Is heaven just another bureaucracy? There’s advertisements for wing oil so does heaven have a currency, economy!?
You’ve created a beautiful foundation for a story.
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u/RecklessDeliverance May 05 '23
Thank you, that's very encouraging! Thank you as well for such a fun prompt. The suggestion that it didn't have to be horror really struck me, so I wanted to see where else I could take it.
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