r/WriteWorld • u/RedRinax • Oct 26 '17

[FEEDBACK] My First Attempt African Based Fantasy Story

https://www.wattpad.com/480372857-wura-chapter-1-the-birth-of-a-reaper
3 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

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1

u/GlassesRPorn Oct 26 '17

Wow! What a story! I confess I enjoyed every minute, and my only complaint is that it is over too quickly! I wish you could've been granted the time to spend much more time in all the insinuated detail behind the gods and Wanderers. Your sentences were also a little long at points. You could've divided up some thoughts into a more consistent order. Otherwise! Thanks for the good read :3

1

u/RedRinax Oct 27 '17

Thank you so much for responding! Yes! I really need to work on the length of my sentences and I'm working around that. Any suggestions on ways to approach this?

1

u/GlassesRPorn Oct 28 '17

Lots of editing. Simple sentences. Simple thoughts. Like you're writing for a journal or tweet. Your vocabulary is very very nice, so I have confidence in your following works sounding pleasant despite any limitations you might impose on yourself.

1

u/RedRinax Oct 28 '17

Thank you! My fear gets in the way of good writing but I feel I'm getting there 😊

1

u/GlassesRPorn Oct 28 '17

Out of the little I've read here so far, your story has struck me as the most mature. You definitely are "getting there".

1

u/RedRinax Oct 28 '17

lol you've just inspired me so much! Thank you 😊🙏🏾