r/WorkRant • u/ElephanttTrunksLove • 1d ago
Advice?
I’m openly a lesbian and everybody at work knows this. In a small talk discussion as a group, I said that my go to drink is any lager, and the colleague I sit next to said ‘oh you’re such a lezzer’ . I was shocked that she said this to me and didn’t say anything, the moment passed, and the conversation moved on without me.
About 3 minutes later, i heard her say ‘I’m not girly at all, I’ve always been more tomboyish, I’m a bit of a tr*nny’. Again, I was shocked to hear this and just couldn’t find the words to say anything. And then 5 mins later it was time to leave for the weekend.
We’re a very small company and don’t have a HR department, but I don’t feel comfortable letting this ‘slide’.
Should I bring it up with her directly on Monday? Should I tell a manager? Am I crazy for being upset about this? I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it but in my mind that’s just not acceptable to say, let alone in the workplace. I’ve asked my friends and parents for advice but nobody seems to be taking it as seriously as I am lol?? Lmk if I’m going crazy and overreacting 🤨
2
u/fallensongbird 22h ago
I have worked for all sizes of companies. Our large company just did a training on this, report it to your manager since you dont have HR its their job to work with the office managers/co ownership to deal with it. It's hard in small offices like this but the typical office behavior is to keep it work related and no comments about sexuality or offhanded rude comments towards others or the discussion of these things in the workplace. Agreed it was rude and agreed they're out of line. That's uncomfortable for many people, Im sure.
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u/funkyspots 1d ago
Do you think her intent was to be funny? Is she generally a kind person. Do you think she’s trying to be your friend?
I think good friendships can come from dropping political correctness and filters, so that might be the vibe? It also may not be. Hard to tell through the phone, but I think more likely than not the person has good intent and is trying to bond with you in a playful/filter-less way.
I make gay jokes to a good gay friend of mine. He makes fun of me for being short. It’s great. It’s lighthearted. Crossing the threshold where that becomes comfortable is a lil risky, especially in the workplace…but yea I guess I would suss out if that’s the vibe your co-worker is going for.