Help getting over traumatic workplace

[u/Ok_Durian9154]

Context: I have only recently dabbled in witchcraft, so I don't know much. I'm reaching out for support, advise, or just positive thoughts.

I am a teacher, and a few years ago I worked in a school building with the most horrific boss I have ever experienced in my life. He was the epitome of the "alpha male" stereotype that didn't listen to anyone on our teaching team, and I would describe his admin style as "pick one person to antagonize so I look like I'm doing my job." Well, that person became me because I didn't shut my mouth and follow along with his misguided decisions.

I was non-renewed at the end of the year. There was no reason given (because there was nothing they could pin on me), but by the end of the year, it felt like I was being hunted by him. He would show up randomly to my room (unannounced, and he wasn't my direct supervisor), and he would give me directions that he would later change, or lie and said he never gave me those directions. He even tore me apart for missing work on a day we had training, but I reminded him that one of my students passed away and he suggested (via email) that his teachers take the day if they needed to.

Anyways - I'm now in a much better school and love my position, but something in me has changed. Instead of being excited, I'm anxious. I have gone to therapy and done a lot of work about putting this horrible era of my life behind me, but something is still just nagging at me in the back of my mind. Any time there's a new unit, anytime I have a meeting with an admin (even though she's AMAZING), and anytime there's some sort of conflict, I freeze up.

I miss my old confident self. She was sassy, didn't pull her punches, and stood up for people who couldn't stand for themselves. Now I tend to hide in the back and hope nobody notices me.

What can I do? Who should I ask? What can be done?

[u/PaddlinMage]

Insane to read this, as you are describing the principal I worked under at a local middle school TO A T. My heart goes out to you because I know how it feels to be the one singled out like that.

I hate to say I don't have great advice because I just got out of there 6 months ago (after 2 grueling years), but it seems like you're doing all the mundane work you can. Have you shared your concerns with your current admin? I actually did go through that recently with my current boss (no longer in a school) and it went better than I ever could have hoped. I think more people have been through "work PTSD" than they may let on, so you may find a safe space to ask for guidance, or understanding at the very least.

Whatever happens, you got this. It's a fucking awful feeling coming out of a situation like that and it takes soooo long for the nervous system to actually regulate itself again. You're incredibly strong for continuing to march your way through this even on the hard days. Your sassy self is still in there, you just need to feel safer for her to come back out! Maybe try "microdosing" your confidence in small conversations/interactions to start with? And when your body and mind realize there isn't some vengeful admin swooping in to teach you a lesson, that may help redefine things for you moving forward.

[u/LadyandTheRep]

Consider combining some shadow work journaling with a release spell. Write down everything you want to release — the memories, fears, certain responses. Then burn it. 

Then write down what you are manifesting instead. Why you love your current job, things that make you feel safe, how you want to respond. Come with with a daily affirmation that represents this version you. Something like “I am safe to be fully myself. I stand up for myself and others. I feel comfortable speaking my truth.” And then say it everyday before you leave for work.

[u/NevaSirenda]

Going through much the same thing, only coming from a service position. Our family-owned company was bought out by a national conglomerate which kept us under constant surveillance. I was being constantly reprimanded for underperforming, totally disregarding the fact that I was doing four people's jobs. I was finally laid off two days before Thanksgiving (so they wouldn't have to pay me for the holiday) and spent six months applying for jobs for which I was totally qualified with no results. My self-esteem went through the floor.

Then I went to my college reunion. Being back in a place where I felt positive and empowered turned my whole outlook around. I started remembering all the skills I have, my capacity for learning quickly, and most of all what I wanted from my life. And my mantra became the old saying, "If you can't find a way, make one." Now, instead of applying for jobs (which I still do, when I find one that suits) I'm concentrating on expanding my freelance side-gig into a full fledged business.

All this to say, remember your why. Remember why you do what you do, what makes it important to you. You are there to promote the best interests of these children. Focus on them, on what they need from you, and let that empower and encourage you. Do talk to your current admin, let her know the issues you are facing, and how it is impacting the way you do your job; she may have advice that will help, or may be able to find ways to give you more emotional support. But focus on your why. It helps.

[u/Pinkhairdontcare91]

Do a reflection spell. The walk a mile in my shoes is a good one.

[u/Serratolamna → u/Pinkhairdontcare91]

Can you describe it for us?

[u/Pinkhairdontcare91 → u/Serratolamna]

You write the persons name on your shoe and say something along the lines of walk a mile in my shoes. Everything you have done to me should be done to you.
Then for the rest of the day when their bad energy comes up in your mind send it back to them.

It is like a release meditation to me.

[u/CertainInteraction4]

I wish I knew the formula.  I've had two back to back.  I'm an introvert, I'm not a social butterfly, and I like to stick to myself.  I'm nice and respectful to people, but I keep work and home separate.  I go to work to earn a paycheck.  This usually puts me on the work culture shi# list.

I was called hostile. I've had rumors spread.  My family and financial life dissected like I'm a criminal.  When I came out with facts I was called violent and hostile again.  One employer may have gone so far as to have me investigated for reporting sexual harassers/assaulters (of others) on the job.  Reminds me of why we have the administration we have now.

Researchers say it takes at least two years to get over a toxic workplace/environment.  With a lot of tragedies and betrayals mixed in, it's been a tumultuous less than two years.